How do I stop feeling so insecure?

[Anonymous]

M tired of feeling insecure about my virginity and overall sexual inexperience. I wish I could just t go out and lose it already so this stops haunting me. I'm turning 22 soon and ot makes me feel less of a woman because I've never dated or had sex. People might think I'm abstaining cuz of religious reasons or that I'm asexual but that's not the case. Im just terrible at communication. I'm shy and boring. And sometimes I feel like my parents and some of my friends are also pulling me back a bit because my parents are still strict about me going out and meeting people and my friend don't like going out much either. Whenever I suggest going out they change the plans. And of course I can't force them if they don't want to but its tiring to not have anyone who can back me up and help me go out more and socialise more. And I don't know where to find such friends. I want to break out of my shell and find love but I feel like I'm stuck

In the end I feel ugly and unwanted. I feel like I didn't have the option to grow up and experience things like everybody else. I look at my age and I feel shame. Yes 22 is young but it's weird when you're 22 with no dating or sexual experience and you're shy and controlled by your parents. And I desperately want to grow up already since I'm overdue but I feel like I don't have the option to. Or at least I don't know what to do. What do I do?

[razelove]

So basically you're living in a cage other people have constructed around you. Not just your parents but your friends as well. This is starting to bother you, not that you live in a controlled environment that you don't hold the reigns in, but that you have desires that aren't being met.

Sounds like your friends keep bailing on the plans because they have the same self-esteem issues you do. Having sex doesn't guarantee it's going to be enjoyable, even if all of them have had sexual experiences, it means little if all of them sucked.

With feeling insecure, the biggest things you could do would be either get out from under the control of your parents and small circle of friends, with work, dedication and discipline. Or more simply submit to the control of someone else to not have to worry about that, but have sex as an expectation.

I know a lot of women will downvote that, but it is a valid option, and it isn't like your parents will vanish if you chat up an older guy online and let him take the reins for a while. That would likely do little for your self-esteem or insecurities though unless your desire is to submit.

I'd chase more independence, just get tinder, get a guy to meet you at a hotel that's reputable, toss that virginity if you feel it's a burden, and work towards longer term independence. Then if you do choose to go down another route like masochism, submission or whatever later, it's a choice more so than a coercion.

[PrudentGuy]

I always believe that actions speak louder than words.

And you know enough of yourself and what you need to do. So plan well, then execute the plan.

Typical, if you still stay with your parents, it's time to move out. If you need to lighten the rental load, call a friend or two to co rent the premise.

Shy? Of course. No one is born an orator. Its an acquired skill, an art to be mastered. So start now.

Read more for general knowledge. Don't be afraid to speak your mind. If you offend someone, apologize, then clarify the misunderstanding.

And dating is an art too. Hence start as a beginner and prepare to fail. And fail. And fail. Then you learn and learn and learn, until you succeed.

Yes, eventually you will and you'll have guys surrounding you.

And don't worry about age. 22 is still very young.

You can tell feelings of any kind to go away. But little successes will give you confidence. Build on those successes. Eventually you'll get your boyfriend and a healthy sex life. Meanwhile, keep trying and smile. 😁

[ChrisMaster69]

I really would try and relax about it, these things tend to go around in circles, the more you stress the less chance of relaxing enough to meet someone.

you will eventually meet someone compatible, just take it easy, it’s not a race to lose your virginity.

Gain some confidence first, that way you don’t do something silly with wrong guy.

relax in to you body and be happy with it,

try joining a club, or a different set of friends thst like to socialise.

be confident and take your time, don’t rush these things.

you will be lovely, don’t assume not getting a guy means you are not lovely.

[The_Maphio]

One thing I'm sure of, is "not get driven by public opinion and stupid nonwritten societal rules".
Remain virgin for as long as you wish, you're not required to have sex ever. Nor to have children if you don't want to.

If you're one of them sentimental girls who wants to keep pure for his first love, hear me out, it's NOT required. I repeat, it's NOT required. Either way, don't feel pressured on having to lose virginity because you're past the standard age for losing it. There is no standard.

[verybusyguy]

I am 28 and still virgin
So what

It doesn't haunt me

Being single haunts me more

Just get in relationship and things will happen on their own no need to worry about natural things

[Aakash_Hangargi]

30 still virgin, never even breathed same air as a girl near by 😂.

Not kissed or touched any girl.

And that doesn't make me feel ugly or something else virginity is just an experience there is lot of hype but 1 St times are not that great depends on people and there feelings about it.

And if you would feel ugly you would still feel the same way after sex it has nothing to do with virginity understand this its just construct of your mind.

Yeah even i had such circumstances due to parents my mom and my aunt were reputed teachers in the school and any misaction by me would lead to black mark on there carrier i was like survelenced which made me non reactive to almost anything I became shy and useless.

But thats just how it is lol I also find it difficult to speak to girls and at this age lol you don't have much options as well you would be deemed as creep haha.

But you are still young so just relax and do it someone you really like and trust to make it fruitful

[s2firestar]

You don't let it get to you in the forst place. The nindset "just lose it" will give you a LOT of regrets.

[JustACuriousLady]

Let's chat. Maybe I can help.

[IHateBeingaMan]

most people will agree, its a lot easier for a girl to lose her virginity than the other way around, for the same reason it is commonly accepted by the majority of people, that women can access sex more easily than men can

[andy530]

Explore your sexual identity on your own, get to know your body, your fantasies, your kinks. Accept them and embrace them. Sexual experience starts with yourself and eventually includes a partner

[Typhon_]

Not having a relationship/sex is not something to feel insecure about, it's normal. Don't think that "I need to get in a relationship and losey virginity asap" then end up in a bad situation. You had the courage to come here and talk about your worries so you could also have the courage to look for someone who can fit you, maybe try the internet it's full of shy but good people.

[Seppel]

Hey poor one. Cheers Up.
Don't Stress yourself. I bet you are a lovely person

[Eduardoalbacaffe]

Move out and ignore your parents decisions i only had sex once too I want a girl every day multiple times a day imm also very boring but very horny we would match great

[tedstinson]

I think that's the right thing. Someone who loves you doesn't think of sexuality