Sexual Relationships
8 mo

How do I stop having a kink that makes me sick?

I (F26) have fantasized about rough sex since I was a teenager. I used to watch pretty rough porn like gangbangs and humiliation stuff. Four years ago I was raped by my then boyfriend. The next year I started hooking up with sugar daddies to make some money because I could barely afford food. I hated it. I've been in a better place and able to put all that behind me for the past year. But I still go on the internet and look at violent porn and fantasies. I even go on sites where I can look at stuff that is like dodgy and borderline non consensual. And I fantasise about sexist men who will explicitly objectify me and rape me. I feel so messed up about it, but I can't stop myself. I want to find a good man and have a normal and healthy relationship, but I can't let go of this sick side of me. What can I do?

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Superb Opinion

  • I think in the first place need to stop telling yourself you are sick. Accept that you find some things exciting in your mind but acknowledge you don't need to actually do them. Fantasies make good fantasies but are often not good in the real world.

    Lots of people have & enjoy fantasies but don't act on them. So don't beat yourself up over them but equally don't act on them. Your good man will come with his own fantasies too.

    The sexual circuits of our brain are quite primitive and are at least two million old in our direct lineage but certainly far older. It wasn't a bad female reproduction strategy to simply let the best sperm win 2 Million Years BC. The fastest strongest sperm got to your egg first and probably had the best genes.

    Fast forwarding back to now, getting pregnant in a gang bang rape is not a good idea but some 2 million year old sex circuits are saying 'Phoar but it would be so exciting'.

    It is just a matter of accepting we have inappropriate sex circuits that were appropriate on the African Savannah 2 million years ago.

Most Helpful Guy

  • First, I'm really sorry you were raped. Nobody should have to go through that.
    A friend of mine has been through a similar situation. She was molested multiple times as a child. It went on for years. She sometimes craves the rough encounters almost to the point that she wants to be raped.
    I've been teaching her to channel that feeling to other things. She has been taking up kickboxing. When she gets the "craving " she goes in the garage and hits the bag for a while until she feels better and the thought has passed.

    • Hi. This is helpful. Thank you.

    • You're welcome. It's not going to improve overnight. It took her a good 6 months to overcome most of the feeling.

    • I hope that I can find a way to do so.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • Gurl, I'm so sorry you were raped. That's horrible and I wish you the best in moving past it. I have not experienced anything like that, but I do fantasize about some of the same things you do, and it's ok. It doesn't make you a bad person or anything like that. It's actually very common. It's ok to have those fantasies as long as we keep them separate from our reality. Fantasy is a very powerful thing. I have just learned to embrace it and keep it where it belongs... in my mind.

    • Do you ever feel like a bad person for having those thoughts? I often feel guilty.

    • I used to but not anymore. I've realized these thoughts and fantasies are common and natural (see link below for some helpful info), and there is no harm in them if they are just fantasies. I also have a fiancé who will indulge some of my fantasies when I want with some role play sex, so that helps. But I don't let myself feel ashamed about them anymore.

      www.psychologytoday.com/.../understanding-and-indulging-in-rape-fantasy

    • Thank you for this. 💕

    • Show All

  • You can try bdsm. Learn about it properly. It’s safe and can satisfy your cravings.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 26

  • Perhaps you should indulge that need with role play because role playing is definitely not the real thing.

    • If you’re a Christian you should know this is a sin

    • Unless you’re married

    • @Summeroflove 1. I did not say WHEN she should do this. 2. The timing, and the morality of her actions, is for her to decide. It is not my place to judge her. 3. If you do want to judge people, I will admit that I am a sinner and, if you are a Christian, you will admit that you, too, are a sinner.

    • Show All

  • You was not into it before you was raped? if so then it looks like it messed up your mind.

  • Do nothing!
    Believe me, your "sick" fantasies are actually very common with women.
    In other words, there's nothing wrong with you.

  • There is a huge difference between fantasy and reality.

    There is no reason why you cannot have both of these things in a safe and loving relationship.

    • I don't really think I can. I don't see it being accepted by someone who is genuinely good and pure.

    • You are ofcourse free to allow your prejudices to limit your options.

    • Dude...

  • I think your fantasies may be a way of processing the trauma of rape. You are taking ownership and control of your body and sexuality. There's nothing wrong, or "sick" about your thoughts or feelings. Many men and women enjoy role play with rough sex, or humilation. It's important that you feel healthy and explore it with someone you can trust to kerp you safe.

    You could speak to a counsellor about past trauma. When you understand your thoughts and feelings a bit better, you can embrace your sexuality.

  • You could talk to a therapist or just accept that people often have sexual fantasies that they don't want to have realized. Your fantasy is very common.

  • Hopefully the rapist is in prison.

    If you feel bad for the bad stuff you have done. This means there is hope for you. It’s when someone don’t feel bad there’s problems.

    I think that you just need to pray about it ask God to forgive you and he will. As well as professional help would probably go a long ways.

  • Stop looking at it.

    • It isn't that easy.

  • You have been through a lot. It would be really good for you to lay it all out for a therapist. They hear it all and should not be shocked or judgmental, and are bound to keep it confidential. There are strategies you can use to break the porn habit. I suspect that would be very helpful in getting to a point at which you can work on reducing the unwanted rape fantasies. There is hope and I wish you the best in having the sort of sexual thoughts that you want.

  • What about getting professional help?

    • I do see a therapist but I'm too shy to tell her about this. I feel so ashamed.

    • Well, she is your therapist who should know you and you should let her know about this stuff since it bothers you. However, you shouldn't be asheamed of who you are. You are this person and you should accept it and then you can change it. Your kinks don't seem too bad, either. There are a lot of women like you

  • Would you DM me. I've got some info for you

  • As long as you are not actually hurting anyone or violating anyone. It is fine. You have to break it down to its simplest form.
    It is about power and control. Maybe that will help you come to terms with it. I enjoy the same sorta things. So I get it.

  • I guess consult a sex therapist or something

  • could we dm?

    • Yes, sure. :).

    • send me one or follow me

    • I've just sent one to you.

  • Avoid watching porn completely

  • Have you tried consensual nonconsent?

  • Sounds like since you were assaulted you feel like that's all you are worth as someone's fuck person.

    It's ok to want these things and be adventurous but should be for the right reasons.

    Take a step back and ask yourself...

    "Is this what I really want?" Or "is this all I am worth?"

    Bottom line is though porn is just a fantasy, what happens in porn isn't alway what people what in reality.

    • When I think about my rape, I am disgusted. So I don't know how I'm able to still fantasise about being raped again and get off to it. It's honestly so traumatising.

    • Maybe it's your biological side more in reacting, I remember reading a question awhile ago when a girl said she was sexually assaulted, she said during that process she orgasmed/cummed but this was just her body reacting to the sex event though she was being assaulted and wanted it to stop. To be honest you are not the first girl to have been assaulted and have a kinky and cheeky side afterwards.

  • Firstly. You have PTSD. Get a mental health counselor and consider the assistance of Mindfulness/meditation and possibly medication. I'm a BIG supporter of the benefits of CBD!

  • the fact that you feel bad means you’re a good person. We all have kinks and I would argue denying them fantasies causes irrefutable harm to your psyche.

  • find a normal guy that's into kinky sex there are plenty around

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