How do I tell a guy I like that I want an open relationship?

Question

So in the spirit of learning from past relationships I’ve decided I want my next relationship to be an open relationship.

I want an open relationship mostly to protect myself from being cheated on.

but also because I’ve had more than one guy I was dating tell me basically they thought I wasn’t sexually attracted to them and / or that we don’t have as much sex as we did when we first started dating (not living together) almost like I had weaponized sex.

at least the 2nd part I’m able to answer “why” and it really comes down to them finally having gotten me to orgasm (actually) not just saying I did so I didn’t hurt their feelings.

after I orgasm (actually) I really don’t think much about sex for weeks or even months and even then I really am only thinking about it because the person I’m with is expressing interest in having it.

so I think an open relationship would allow him the freedom to satisfy his sexual wants more than a traditional relationship.

I’ve brought this up in the past with my boyfriend and I felt like it would have been okay had I told them it was okay to sleep with other people and I was not going to be sleeping with other people, and honestly I don’t really want to sleep with other people or really even anyone for that matter in a sense.

I’ve also tried to get him to give me a schedule so I had a better idea of when I should be ready to have sex. Because if I’m going to have sex, I would prefer to be prepared and “sexy” and that could take me hours to do. At least an hour. I don’t really prefer spontaneous sex, but that also hasn’t really worked out well. So hopefully open relationship will but I’m afraid it may also be a deal breaker too.

any thoughts suggestions on how to approach the situation?

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

I think you need to approach this differently, because most guys would be suspicious or see this as a red flag. Instead, you should start by telling them that you like them and would like to be with them, but that your past relationships didn't work out in part because you have a low sex drive (not zero! But explain how an orgasm can make you satisfied for a week or two), and that previous boyfriends didn't understand this. Explain your experience to help them understand.

THEN, tell them that you understand that most men need more sex than you can be expected or counted on to provide, that you recognize that this is likely to be a problem sooner or later, and that you understand that he has valid needs that you can't completely fulfill, SO you would prefer to consider your relationship as an open one, even though you have no need or intention to have a different partner. You want it to be open so that you can better manage your feelings and expectations while not being unfair to the guy.

Without this context, presented in a logical order, you aren't likely to get nearly as good of reception as you would this way. Not every guy would accept even this, but far more would than the other way.

Th3ft · Accepted Answer

How would you feel about engaging in it with him. Like making the girl (s) kind of a girlfriend for you both? Not that you are attracted to woman (I dont know nor do I need to) but just that you want to be included in it with him so you are still THE GIRLFRIEND. Find a girl or more together for him to have his way with and kind of include her. You are his friend and emotional support while she is the sexual support.

misfittoy · Accepted Answer

it is a disaster in the making because there clearly are no boundaries. thats not going to secure a relationship in my opinion or prevent cheating. what will you do if a guy actually leaves you or chooses to leave you for one of those others he is dating? your post has it sounding like you should have a printed out pamphlet to hand out to potential partners. though if you have your mind made up tell the person up front what you are looking for, but i wouldn't expect too much effort or seriousness out of a guy after hearing it. if your sex drive is low, why not try dating an asexual person?

EmmaMary · Accepted Answer

Just be completely open and honest from the start... Simples!

Guy13 · Answer

Lots of diseases floating around SO a 6 moth current physical of parties involved is required. Nits likely thst it will be anything but normal sex methods etc.,,

OlderAndWiser · Answer

“I want an open relationship mostly to protect myself from being cheated on.” I don’t know if you believe that statement but nobody else believes it.

Berethor · Answer

If you tell him that it mainly about his sexual satisfaction and not your then he might agree.

boggboss · Answer

All u can do is telling him and hope that's somthing that he is into some guys love the idea whilst for others it is a deal breaker

Dargil · Answer

You'll never tell him that. If that is what you want get rid of him now. He is a no use to you and you are of no use to him

Andres77 · Answer

Your sex drive is REALLY low. If you offer open relationship to a guy…only expect him to come around once a month or so

Ironic_Method · Answer

It seems like you want an open relationship because of your insecurities and your inability to communicate, which is a recipe for disaster.

joeldalton · Answer

Say something like “hey I’m a total whore, and want to cheat on you and browbeat you into feeling like it’s ok. I still like you paying for my dinners, so I don’t want to break up. Cool?”