How do I tell my boyfriend I’m not a fan of some of the things he does in the bedroom?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 months now and his dominate side is starting to show more and more. I’m not sure that I would consider myself “submissive” but I do enjoy pleasing him in every way. There’s just some things that I can’t force myself to enjoy for him. Like when he wants to spit in my mouth or me to suck my spit off him. I just don’t like the texture of it and it makes me almost immediately want to throw up and kinda kills the mood for me but he’s super into it and I’m not sure how to tell him I’m not.

[SnowedIn]

Really well written question. Good for you for both being open but also knowing what you like and don't like and where your boundaries. Great sex includes great communication. The answer to your question is that you find a time when you are not in the middle of sex to share with him that there are some things you don't like. Make it non-judgmental: this isn't about him it's about a sex act. Try not to use the word "you". Just let him know that certain things are mood killers (be specific) but that certain things turn you ragingly horny. In other words, clearly define what you don't like and clearly define if that thing is okay rarely or never but then focus on what is good and what you'd like to see more of. Tell him something like "you are so awesome for respecting these boundaries" -- don't ask him to respect your boundaries, talk as if he already is.

[stratford]

I can understand you are conflicted and that you might worry that he will love you / like you less, or that you might say you're not into something that he is really into, but if you don't talk about it, you may ultimately start finding sex with him a real turn off.

Perhaps you can talk about it in a non-sexual situation where you perhaps bring up some new things you would like to try, and then subtley weave into the conversation that you're not really into the 'spit thing'.

Good luck!

[AmandaYVR]

Yep, you do have to let him know that it's turning you off, and if you're not into it, good sex isn't happening. Both people need to be into it. You might have lacklustre sex, or worse, you won't be lubricated and it'll be physically uncomfortable for you too, not just psychologically.

He's watched too much porn. It's rotting his brain. (Ok, distorting his perceptions of sex.) He needs to lay off. He probably thinks he can't enjoy sex now, if he doesn't get these things. And he will get restless, and be looking for the next girl who will. This is why girls need to be more demonstrative, speak up, and say, "We don't like this. Sorry, but I'm not doing it."

[ShellyB]

I think it would be ok and helpful if you just honestly told him "I don't like the spit stuff" it sounds like both things are related to that. Also tell him some things you do either like, or not mind that you know he likes so it doesn't sound all negative and to let him know you don't want to change everything just that particular thing. I doubt he will be mad or anything and if he does get mad about it, that would not be a great sign about him to be honest. JMO good luck!

[kylee2437]

Communication is key. If you communicate your feelings and he doesn’t respect it, is he really a respectable guy to be with?

[OlderAndWiser]

You don't really need to express yoour disapproval at all. The next time he starts to do somethng that you don't like, just say "That feels okay but it would feel even better if you did this. . ." and then you either explain what you want or you demonstrate. You can avod hurting his feelings entirely, unless he simply insists on continuing to do the things that you don't like. . . and if he has THAT attitude, you need to find out about it now!

[Shayyyy1]

U say the words it'll hurt him more if u keep it in all the time.

[spartan55]

Sounds like your likes his porn

[summiter]

You need to experience some boundaries with him. It is OK to talk about sex and your lies/dislikes. Communication about sex is the key. How old is he? Does he give you good orgasms or is it usually one sided.

[rachel776]

"i don't like when you do that"

[Reece12345]

Ughh that is terrible.

It's important for you to set boundaries with him. You need to make clear the things that you like to do and the things that you find are unacceptable.

If he won't listen to you, and he continues to do the things that you don't like, then bring it to a halt.

If he really cares about you, he'll abide by your wishes.

[all_hayl]

If you’re not already comfortable with those conversations then maybe you shouldn’t be dating.

[coachTanthony]

I think many would find it disgusting as well. Set some boundaries and don't feel bad about doing it.

[Gent207-2]

Just tell him as you told us here

[Dalisay409]

You just need to invite him to have an adult conversation about it.

[slatyb]

Tell him no. If he won't stop, then tell him goodbye.

[Bricealan]

No other way than to say, NO, NO

[Bricealan]

DID not finish my reply. Say: NOT GOING TO DO THAT. STOP OR WE ARE DONE !!!

[Dargil]

You should tell him that.

[Finchie40]

Just be upfront with him and tell him you don’t like those things , if he values you he will stop if he doesn’t stop he doesn’t value you and is only thinking of himself , the thing with sex is we can’t read each other’s minds so it’s best to be upfront about the things you like and dislike with your partner

[sheikalana]

Just tell him without beating around the bush. If you keep doing things you don't like it's just going to ruin your relationship sooner or later and at some point he will disgust you.

[bowenw]

I suggest telling him when he does that it makes you want to vomit and don't ever do it again.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

With your words.

[FilmGuy93]

Start by just saying the words directly. Sex is one of those things where you have to get comfortable expressing your needs directly. If you can't bring yourself to feel comfortable with speaking up about your needs with a longer term partner like him, you probably shouldn't be having sex; certainly not with him.

[Danny_dan92]

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