How do I tell my non-verbal friend with benefits that I don't want to do it anymore? Create a gradual gap and cut off slowly? Talk to him and convince

[Anonymous]

We shared a room in college, and my reputation was already tarnished for being attracted to the same sex (we are from a country where homosexuality is frowned upon), so a few months after discovering that I am attracted to boys, he began being nice to me when everyone else was mocking and harassing me.

One day we both had few drinks and watched a movie before going to bed and fell asleep. At some point during the night, he moved closer to me and slid his hands into my shirt and started to rub my chest, and I woke up unsure of what to do, so I let him take the lead. Then he hugged me and kissed me while slowly thrusting his dick on to mine while we were still clothed. Then he undid our shirts and began licking my nipples while kissing my neck, after which he directed my head to his chest and I began kissing his chest and neck. while was doing so, he guided my head towards his abdomen and let me kiss it for a bit until he took off his short, at which point he put my head parallel to his dick. At this moment, I was worried because I had only kissed and hugged boys but had not done anything else. Now, my face is only a few inches away from a guys dick, but I am also drunk, horny, and afraid. He then began rubbing his cock on my face while I kissed it, and as soon as it went from semi-erect to completely hard, he pushed it into my mouth and remained calm. After a few seconds, I began applying suction to the tip of his penis while also giving it a gentle tongue play, and he began gently thrusting it in and out for about 5 minutes, then he began thrusting it deep and I had gag reflex, so he took his time and kept doing gently thrusts in the opening of the throat until my throat muscles were relaxed and enough saliva was formed in my mouth, which wasn't difficult because he was big in length but normal in girth. In about 10 minutes of foreplay with my throat he was able to finally enter my inner throat and kept giving it gentle thrusts until I got comfortable with the action and after some time he started to increase the thrust speed while holding the back of my head and he started to pound my throat as fast as he can at least 10 more minutes and then he locked my head with his thighs and hands until he shot everything down my throat and I choked on it, it spilled over from my mouth, nose after he took his dick out of my throat he rubbed my face on the cum I choked until he it all dry down there, then I came up to hug him and he pushed me away. I assumed I might be stinking that's why he didn't didn't wanna hug me (I never tried to hug or kiss him after I went down on him so that I don't make him uncomfortable). We both went back to sleep, and the next morning I was too ashamed to wake up and look at him, so I slept for the next two days. He didn't say anything, didn't wake me up, and I assumed he was ashamed or afraid of it too, so the next day I pretended like nothing happened, and that night we went to the bar again, came home, went to bed, and repeated the non-verbal blowjob. We didn't drink the next day or the day after that, but we still had non-verbal oral sex and went about our business as usual. In no time it has became our daily night routine and we did for the next 6 years every night some times during the day too but he didn't wanted us to look at each other he felt uncomfortable so he always wrapped me in the sheets while I went down on him. Although we both felt uncomfortable doing it, we couldn't stop doing it. Most of the times he always made sure non of our friends stay over for the night just so we can do it to the fullest. Usually when someone stayed over we had to resort to simple suction without making any noise or any hard movements as the other people who are sleeping just feet's away might wake up. But anytime we had the house to ourselves, he would at all times go for throatfuck. after we did it for 6 years I moved to different country for higher education & work experience and came back after another 5 years. During these 5 years he got married and had 2 kids and after I came back, I met him and had no intentions of doing it again since I was able to refrain from do it for the past 5 years. for almost a 2 month we didn't do it because I managed to not to take him home with me but one day he did come home and we did it again and no discussion afterwards and then after a few times it became regular again as he was intentionally freeing up his time to visit me and staying over at least 2-3 days a week at my place instead of spending time with his family.

I feel horrible not only for his wife, but also for continuing to do it despite my desire to quit. I want to talk to him about it, but I'm not sure how because I'm both embarrassed and scared of confrontation, and I'm afraid of coming across as a hypocrite. The way I see it is move to different place and change my contact info or just tell him I don't wanna do it anymore and risk being exposed if he gets enraged.