How do I tell my partner I want to get a vibrator?

I've been with my partner for 5 years abd we are due to be married in July. We are very and happy and in love and treats me so well but we have a couple issues with Intimacy. When we first started dating he was super shy and wouldn't even hold my hand. I had to eventually tell him it was okay to be intimate with me.

Once we became official he was all over me, we were each others firsts I was 21 and he was 26 so were both very inexperienced but from what I knew the sex was good. He was a lot more open to trying new stuff and forplay.

Then covid happened and we barely saw each other for a year or had sex. The times we were together we couldn't control ourselves because we missed each other so much. We tried to social distance but in the end we'd end up going at each other like crazy because we missed each other so much.

Then he got siastica and everything changed. He was in to pain to even think about sex the medication he was on stopped him from being the man he used to be if you get my dift.

It took months for him to recover the doctors said he was the case they'd ever seen but eventually we got back to some normality the covid lock downs stopped and he got better but he still has times were his back hurts.

He works so much now and he's also getting older (he's 30 now) and we barely have anytime to have sex. We live together now but we barely ever have sex.

I'm 26 now and I'm still in my prime and have a very high sex drive. My partner still gets the job done but he doesn't care for foreplay and expects me to do it myself and thinks putting anything down there but his penis is disgusting. I asked if he thinks I'm dirty and he resured me its not and I respect if he doesn't feel comfortable doing certain things anymore but I can't get myself going if I don't get foreplay before I have to do it myself and it takes so long.

I spoke to him about toys before and he got very defensive about it and thought I was saying he isn't doing a good enough job

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Superb Opinion

  • Ask him how he feels about experimenting with sex toys. I mean if you going to buy one, then you should honestly be willing to experiment with it with him. I mean what you do on your own time is your business. I never met a guy that did not like sex toys, but then again... most guys do not really talk about sex stuff with it comes to their wife or soon to be wife. I mean if he has some type of moral objection to it, then you might want to rethink the relationship. If you do not feel comfortable about talking to him about it or sharing it with him... then maybe marriage is not where your mind should be.

    I mean if you think its going to make him feel insecure, then the vibrator is not the issue.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Tell him you have read a bunch of articles and a vibrator is ideal for replacement of foreplay, tell him you would rather he get you worked up but if he doesn't want/or can't then that's the best alternative.

Most Helpful Girls

  • getting married soon and can't even talk about vibrators with your boyfriend. so weird...

    if you have issues with intimacy, postpone the wedding until you figure those out and have a healthy sex life. because this ain't gonna work if this is the case. sex issues and money issues are the TOP reasons for divorce... don't be another statistic. seriously. get this figured out asap.

    are you okay with a decade or more of "high sex drive, no satisfaction"? reading this post, i doubt you are. you two are more incompatible than you think.

  • Easy peasy

    you- “ baby I want a vibrator”

    him-“ok baby”

    just like that 🙂

    • Thanks for the MHO 🙂

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 6
  • You just act like an adult and tell him

  • You don't have to, just get it and if he complains, tell him it's for when he isn't there.

  • Buy a toy that can be used by your partner to adjunct sex, and bring it into intimacy.

  • Maybe get with a girlfriend that can say she just got it for you at a toy party or something. Like, “oooops, look what just randomly happened!” Once he watches you use it, he should be good! lol.

  • Honey I am buying a vibrator! Any questions why?

  • It’s pretty clear he isn’t doing a good enough job. I would tell him. It’s okay if he doesn’t want to get into the for play but then you need to do what you got do.

  • Don't ask just get one

  • "hey what's that?" "my vibrator." "oh."

    • The thing is I come from a super prudish family too and I don't really know how to go about getting one either