How do you get your sex life back after being abused?

[Anonymous]

Trigger warning ⚠️ sexual abuse-
When it comes to sex I’m so used to doing things to guys but when they do stuff to me, I feel like a deer in headlights.
I can ride, deep throat and all that but when a guy eats me out, or anything else I just feel numb. I feel like I’m just to be fucked, like I’m not equal.
I learned that my pleasure doesn’t matter and it never did, and now I’m 25 and I don’t know how to have sex for ME. I don’t want to act as insecure as I feel about it, so I put on a show and I didn’t realize it until now. I’ve been doing that the entire time I’ve been sexually active. I’m married now, how can I even tell my husband I’ve been feeling this way? I didn’t even know I was doing it! How do I talk to my husband about this? Im afraid he will be afraid to touch me or do anything sexual because this is pretty depressing news and I don’t want him to look at me differently. I feel like I lied. All the times he asked if I wanted to have sex I just say yes every time. When I was abused I would say no and get ignored, and treated badly. He thinks I am always super horny and like to have sex all the time which is true but there are times I don’t want to do it and I still do it and I never get off anyway! I have a therapist I want to talk to about this, but can anyone relate and what did you do?

[Anonymous]

i have experienced similar things, not quite a raw as your though. my wife went through something similar (not as bad), but was abused when she was younger and as a result went about a bit and didn't have the respect for herself that she deserved.

strangle enough when we first met she was hesitant to allow me to go down on her, but like you the other way around was (her pleasuring me) she would do most things. unfortunately for me i really like pleasuring my partners. i slowly started to instigate the 96 position so that she could concentrate on the part that she liked and i also got pleasure from pleasuring her. now after some time, when in that position she now stops and just enjoys it.

however this is not going to be an easy thing to fix and will take time and counseling. but do talk to your hubby and explain whats happened, he will most likely be dumbfounded and quiet, but its the opening up and talking that she found helped a lot. also start by saying no once in a while if your not in the mood. start putting yourself first and making sure that you get what you want. your husband will understand and be very sympathetic about it. he will know that its not no sex ever again and its just that night or time that you were not interested, like most people we all get no's every now and then

[DaveJord]

Honestly I have been with women who have been abused. Its super hard and it takes years of serious self reflection and commitment to yourself to deal with all the emotions and anxiety. So have to find the courage to revisit that part of your life and come to the understanding that is nothing you did, it is just something that happened to you.

In no way is this easy, but if you do not do it then you will never truly be happy in any relationship or in life. I can not tell you how to did, or everything it will require of you. But it is a process of self discovery, you have to revisit the trauma, and find some type of closure. Other than that I will tell you to seek professional help, and share the experience with the significant other, because it will take some degree of courage from him a well. If he is unwilling to accompany you on this journey, it is still something you must do for yourself above all other things.

[boggboss]

Sounds like therapy is going to be a must

[GlassTop]

I think you’ve had too many sexual partners.

[andy530]

Therapy could really help with this. Also would help with how you can bring it up to him and have healthy discussions with him about it

[Zlantur2]

You need to take step by step with someone you trust. So a boyfriend that loves you and takes care of you without pushing you.

[BarryLiverstone]

You saw she has a husband right?

[Zlantur2]

No, I was bored to read all that. Then she has to be honest with him.

[Anonymous]

I think it's just finding the right mature guy who wants the same things as you and wants to grow with you and be with you and not just treat you like another sexual object. You will grow and gain trust over time and that will in theory ease your mind and be into him and the moment and make you forget about the past. He should do anything and want to help you and show you he's in it for you! How do I know? I experienced it personally, and she's never looked back.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry I somehow missed a long chunk of your question. I can't delete this. Since you are married, it's just communication. He should want to know what's going on and how you are feeling.