How do you know if you like BDSM?

Im a virgin with next to no experience with relationships. How do I tell if I like BDSM before I try anything?
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Superb Opinion

  • You can't really know without trying it. Even if you feel drawn towards it, you may not like it, or not like aspects of it. And even girls who love BDSM in general may not like certain things.

    Here's an example: I was with a submissive girl who loved a lot of things: spankings, hair-pulling, gagging, tit-slapping, degradation, bondage, etc. She would literally beg for those things. But one time she asked me to slap her face during sex - she'd seen it in a video and got really turned on. I slapped her a couple times, lightly (because it was the first time), and she started crying and stopped. She realized that it triggered some memories from her childhood, and she didn't want that anymore. But she still wanted all the other stuff she liked, and still asked to try new things.

    The point is: even she didn't know how she was going to react to that. She asked for it and was excited to do it, but it wasn't the experience she was expecting. Those things can happen. I've had the opposite happen too: girls who have said "I'll never do that; that's disgusting" etc., who a couple of months later insisted on doing that every time. It wasn't until they'd tried it (with a partner they had deep trust with - that's important), that they really knew if they liked it or not.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Are you asking because you are curious about BDSM stuff? That’s great, keep being curious. You don’t have to find everything out now. People can take decades to learn the things they’re into. Take it easy, don’t shy away from opportunities, tickle your fantasy, and hope you find a partner you are comfortable experimenting with.

    I don’t recommend porn because BDSM porn is generally not very good, it can feel very artificial, and some people who are into BDSM are not turned on by porn. You can look into erotica, if you like reading a story. It’s hard to find the good ones though. But there are so many different kinks that it’s likely that you will find something that works for you, eventually. You can sign up to FL (a kink website, not sure I can write the name here, it’s the largest social network for kink) and you can opt to be completely anonymous while you just read stuff. You can go to local events if you have any, they are often very friendly to curious people, even if you’re not sure you’re into it. It’s just a chance to talk to people in real life and possibly make some friends that can help you while you’re exploring this side of yourself.

    If you have more questions, my DMs are open

Most Helpful Girls

  • Example : There was one game I used to play with my brother which involved typing up arms and legs, as a roleplay of hero and villain. I used to get very turned on when tying him up or even getting tied. As he reached puberty, we discarded that game.

    • Let's play it with me as the villain

    • No thanks

  • Experience. The only way your going to find out ultimately

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 13
  • Just start out slow and work your way up :)

    How do you know if you like BDSM?
  • Well do you like being slapped, chained, hand cuffed, tied up, or spanked until it hurts? Choked, whipped, or rodded with big ass dildos, choked to the verge of passing out, having hot wax poured on you, having your nipples clamped and squeeze so hard that they go numb from the pain, or being dominated by a man or women in general?

    If your uncomfortable about any of that then your probably not into BDSM. I would say get on free porn site and search for BDSM and watch 5 or 6 hard core videos and if you get stimulated by it then you need to look into it. But do not go straight hard core, you got to ease into it, and test stuff on yourself first before asking someone else to do it.

  • Try taking basic dick before you consider other things

    • Yes, master.

  • Just get into it gradually. Eventually you'll probably think of something a little out there. Even if it's just doing something you don't usually do.

    I think the best way to see if you like Bdsm is to try to get creative with foreplay. Like run your fingers on the person's body or do the whole food on your partners body thing.

  • You can watch BDSM porn.

  • Research the topic, videos, reading material etc

  • Tie yourself up or just watch bdsm porn

  • Maybe get some rope and start by tieing your self up, but leave an arm free so you can untie yourself.
    If that goes well you need to have a safe word and trust your partner.
    Start out slowly, maybe just tied to the bed, and if you enjoy it, some do, some do not esp if they/you are claustrophobic, you can add more to your comfort level.
    Also a lot can depend on what your partner is or will be doing to you.
    Keeping you close but not letting you cum for an hour or so will have you trying to gnaw your way through your bonds so you can finish, or after your 5th happy ending you might not be in any position to worry about being tied up.
    If you don't like it, many don't, then at least you tried.
    It can be fun, a way to spice it up, you can tie yourself to the bed and wait for your partner to come home and find you that way, the anticipation can get you ramped up, or he could tie you up and go run some errands so you have no clue when he will be back.

  • Women who engage in BDSM as 'submissives' have lower levels of empathy.

  • I ENJOY BEING SPANKED, BUT OTHER THAN THAT I DONT KNOW..

  • Does it turn you on when watching it? Then you like it.

  • Check out BDSM porn.

  • does the BDSM porn excite you? that would be a good indication

  • Childhood trauma doing weird things to my wellbeing

    • Please expand? Did you mean you or me?

  • Watch some porn featuring it and see if it turns you on.

  • Just the fact that you're talking about it tells me you think you will like it. Being tied up can be insanely hot if you trust the person.

  • Do you like pain? Do you like inflicting pain? Do you want to control someone? Do you want someone to control you? If you answered yes to any of these questions you probably will like BDSM.

  • BDSM isn't just a thing to spice up sex life with, people engage in it for concrete psychological reasons.
    It may benefit you but it also may not.

    Just read up online about what BDSM is for people who engage in it, then see about whether it would appeal to you or not.

  • Do you like the thought of being restrained and being submissive to the man you love?