How do you refuse sex with your partner without hurting their feelings?

How do you refuse sex with your partner without hurting their feelings?

I generally tell my girlfriend I'm just very tired or too busy for it, but I'll make up to her as soon as I can. She is generally very understanding but sometimes will get upset, but I tell her I'm just not in the mood and I'm not rejecting her - if I can I offer alternative activities like cuddling or take a bath together.
How about you? What do you do?
1 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • I tell him I don't really feel like having sex. Mostly he then tries to convince me or turn me on, and if I don't change my mind he's fine with it. There was a period where for some reason I had a very low sex drive for about two months, and then I think he felt somewhat rejected and insecure and kept asking me if everything was okay and what was causing it.
    The other way around, he usually doesn't want sex when he's very stressed. For me it's a stress reliever, so it's sometimes hard not to feel a little rejected when that happens. I just tell him that I understand and that it's fine. He told me from the beginning that his sex drive lowers when he's stressed, so I know this, and when I see that he's stressed I just prepare for the 'no sorry, I'm not in the mood' answer, even though I'll probably still try.

    • Your is one of the most thoughtful and in-depth answers to the question. I have to say that I'm similar to your boyfriend - sex is the last thing on my mind when I'm stressed, while for my girlfriend it's a reliever and something she wants when she's stressed or down the weather.

  • Honestly, you can't they will feel offended no matter what. Even if you say it in the nicest way possible. You can offer those things but she will still feel rejected.

Most Helpful Guys

  • "Honey, nothing makes me feel better than bringing you pleasure in bed, but I just don't feel well enough and just going through the motions of sex is not the same thing as making love. Let's plan on getting in bed early tomorrow night and plan on not going to sleep until you have gotten everything you want! And I'm sure it will feel great to me, too!"

    • I have to say this to her next time!

    • Grazie per l'MHO!

  • What's killing your mood?

    • Stress and work generally. Some nights I go to sleep at 2-3AM and wake up at 6.

    • What do you do for work? Why the stress?

    • I have two jobs - one in a big company and another in a cultural organization. I'm working hard to make a steadfast career and this often means extra time in office and taking the work home. Sometimes it happens she literally tries to drag me to bed because it's already late night and I'm still going over dossiers and other stuff.

    • Show All

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

9 4
  • Usually I will let him know the reason why I don’t want to... I don’t feel well, I’m too tired, I have something else I need to do, etc. Then I promise to make it up to him the next night. That normally satisfies him.

  • I might say something like "Honey that sounds really good, but I am just not feeling it right now. Maybe in a little while? I'm sorry."

    But the truth is, it's really up to the other person to manage their expectations, and NOT get butthurt if sex is politely refused now and then.

  • there seems to be absolutely no way of doing that for me sisters

    • For them or for their partners?

    • it just doesn’t work.

    • everyone gets mad

    • Show All
  • I actually wouldn't turn her down even if I'm tired

  • What really matters is that she is mature enough to accept that you're just not up for it.
    How people react to being rejected in bed by their partner has a follow-on effect on their next bid for affection.
    Being made to feel guilty or bad for not having sex makes that person dread going to bed.
    Your girlfriend needs to realize that there will be other chances.

  • I never did that

  • Sometimes their feelings can't be spared. But I would just be honest.

  • Just say something like I'm tried or hurting or something

  • You don't lol

  • I dunno, it seems like you're already doing everything you can properly.

    • Thank you, I do my best!

  • Please don't do it too much...
    it hurts and rejection creates resentment. Sex is important...

    • It doesn't happen often, don't worry.

  • Not care about their feelings. Simples

    • That doesn't seem very correct though...

    • PC? Course not. But it's the only way that works. Either that or having a girlfriend who never gets upset no matter what- i. e, who isn't human. Neither she nor you can both be perfectly happy and content all of the time. Compromises have to be made. You have to deal with that- so does she.

    • That's a very thoughtful and mature reasoning I think you are right. We generally manage to compromise very well, although there's the odd time she gets really upset - sometimes I have to do the extra mile to make her happy.

  • If he's not sick, he hasn't excuses...

    • Yet I'm sure you'd be arguing the opposite if it were the other way round, eh? No BF's entitled to sex on demand from his girlfriend, whenever and whenever he wants it, with no exceptions and "no excuses" so long as "she's not sick"- why should any girlfriend be entitled to the same from her BF?

    • @DevilsAdvocator Exactly, nobody is entitled to sex.

    • Wow, I feel sorry for your gfs... you refuse to satisfy them and make excuses to make them suffer... or you're homos in denial

    • Show All