How do you tell a guy you like being humiliated in the bedroom?

Question

I only want to date guys guys who treat me with respect, but.. what excites me in the bedroom is exactly the opposite. This is really working against me and I don't want to date any more jerks just because the sex is hot.
My last boyfriend was super sweet but he was never comfortable with my kinky side and the dirty talk I wanted. When I asked him to insult my breasts for being too small he looked at me like I was an alien. I have a LOT of fetishes about being humiliated but the boob one in particular is crazy hot for me. I'm definitely insecure about my a-cups, particularly because of things that happened in high school, but at some point that sense of shame became sexual for me and I'm trying to own my sexuality and to love and accept myself.
How do I find guys that are turned on by being sadistic but are otherwise normal and cool? How do I ask a guy to make fun of my breasts without him thinking I'm a weirdo?

slatyb · Accepted Answer

Verbal abuse is pretty edgy, even for otherwise kinky guys, but if a guys is open-minded, he can learn what works for you. The guy you are looking is a nice guy, smart, and kinky. Fortunately smart and kinky tend to go together. You could try attending a local "munch" (see fetlife. com for events near you) to meet people who are definitely kinky. Or you could just find a smart guy and tell him pretty early "I'm pretty kinky. What about you?" If he's receptive then you can go deeper. If he's not then he's not the right guy.

I'm pretty kinky but when I was your age I would have had a hard time with that sort of role play. Now I could do this for a partner who got off on it -- not exactly my thing but I would get off on her excitement.

AustinMan · Accepted Answer

When you find a guy that you connect with sufficiently, sit down with him and talk about what you each need sexually. You and I would probably be great together because I try to be the perfect gentleman in public but when the clothes come off, your ass is mine!!

Be candid about what you need.

DeeDeeDeVour · Accepted Answer

Those are strange fetishes you have.  Just tell them that.

swettannie · Accepted Answer

Just be honest from the start

Dean_K24 · Answer

I'm like you in a way, I control a lot of things in my life but I love giving up sexual control. Make that clear to your partner. Tell him where the fetish comes from so he can understand it. Also understand it won't be perfect on round one and you may need to coach him through it, as he gains confidence about it he will get better. Just keep telling him what you want and reinforce him by telling him what you liked. Don't tell him you didn't like when he did x or y. Instead lead him toward what you liked most and then x and y won't happen because they were not encouraged

Bad_Man55 · Answer

Well kudos to you for taking a negative and flipping it to a positive, maybe unconventionally but good for you nonetheless. I would say most guys are gonna look at you like that initially in the moment but maybe have the convo prior to sex so he knows that you are serious. It may take some time for him to get comfortable but once he sees how turned on you get and how great the sex becomes he will get more into it.

D4nielv · Answer

The switch between caring for you and wanting to humiliate you can definitely be very difficult. You need to find someone that really trusts you for that.

Avicenna · Answer

Wait until you're comfortable enough discussing such topics.

0oGreyo0 · Answer

Your like ur nipples pireced or sucked/Bondaged wrapped? Just come on out and tell the guy. I had a ex who told me she had a rape fantasy. And likes to be choked Name some of your fantasy.

highsexdriveHere91 · Answer

im the kind of man u want i am so kind man out of bed, but im so wild in bed... i would treat my girl like a princess, but fuck her like a whore if i had one

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Why does he have to make fun of them. Can't he just recognize them in a good way and honor them?

Cellestial · Answer

Treat her like a queen in the street, like a slut in the sheets. I don't know why so many guys fail to realize that women need to be literally "used" during sex. I'm not saying someone needs to hit his partner or any extreme stuff, yet a female needs to feel how strong her man is, and most importantly how much he desires her. And nothing is going to prove that except talking dirty while raming rough her like a whore. Women like to feel desired and being a gentleman works only outside the bedroom.

bklynbadboy1 · Answer

Just tell him

Anon481 · Answer

Just be up front and honest... also if you a size queen at all hmu bc I can something for that

alltafgradur · Answer

May I DM you? I might have some useful info for you...

Hyperion87 · Answer

im in the same boat from a guys side outside of the bedroom I just like a normal relationship but inside of the bedroom I want to be dominated shamed and humiliated but finding a girl and to that kind of stuff that's just normal and doesn't want to introduce you to her blood python and walk you around town on a leash you know how do you find that happy medium

MrTaboo · Answer

What kind of dirty talk.

hatim_tai · Answer

you gotta be submissive.. not just your actions... but your words... if it were me.. i'd actually enjoy humiliating you in bed... that doesn't means i'd respect you anyless...

slicwhenwet · Answer

Unfortunately most men will give you that look but a good man will give you what you need. Also the only way to get this is to be honest with him in the beginning. The longer you wait to speak up the harder it gets and less time of you getting what you need. Good luck Amy

Caseland · Answer

Interesting I was with someone an the sex got boring, wonder how I would do with you.

WalkingFish00 · Answer

It's hard for him to understand, he seems like a real gentleman. Set down and talk about it. Seems like he love your tits, so you need to explain for him.