Sexual Relationships
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How Does Sex "Just Happen"?

I'm 23 and still a virgin. When I ask people who have had sex... how they got to have sex... they simple reply, "It just happened" I've been out on a few dates with a few different girls over the past 2 months. In all my dates, we usually kiss... and during the end of the dates, we make out and say our goodbyes and no sex happens. So, basically, how do you initiate sex? Let's say I go out on another date and I make out with the girl at the end of the date before we both part ways. Do I just whisper in her ear, "when the last time you had sex?" wait for her reply and tell her I think we should have sex?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Basically, it should be a mindset AND a decision taken by the girl.
    Here's my advice to girls for their first time:
    Just do NOT plan a "I-lose-my-virginity-evening or -day"
    Do it with a guy you love and who loves you.
    Do NOT decide “It will happen on Saturday,2013 , Feb,31st at 23:02"

    Just decide, “From now on, I will be prepared to let it happen when everything is right, when we’re in the mood, when we both want it.”

    Let it happen gradually, doing more and more , gradually discovering and exploring each other's mind and body, pushing limits over a period that can take months:
    Making out, then light fingering, oral, heavy fingering, until you're completely familiar with the other one's body and reactions, likes and dislikes, limits.

    Then one day, unplanned, when you're both really in the mood, both relaxed, really wanting and horny, on birth control and using condoms, Morning After Pill ready in a drawer (in case of a Friday evening accident-accidents happen on Friday evenings before a long Easter weekend, all pharmacies closed-Murphy's Law) and no one possibly disturbing you (switch off those cell phones!) then softly go all the way: 1 finger, 2 fingers (3= girth of the penis) Just that little bit more than the evening or week before. His penis head just gently teasing her vulva... and then...

    The keywords are GENTLY, CARING and “GIRL WANTING IT”

    That's how it worked really good for my wife and me.

    But that's about the first time.

    The next times will demand less of a decision. Just as much gentleness. Just ans many precautions. Until it becomes a habit.

    But hoping to get a one night stand from a young inexperienced girl on your first date is REALLY hoping too much. However, yes, it happens...

  • When they start to touch each other, usually the guy tries to put his hand up her dress and if she doesn't do anything, it's usually a nonverbal message saying yes to sex.

    • Well... I makeout/kiss these girls in pretty public places XD. I don't think it would be appropriate to grope her in public and see if she likes it or not XD!

    • lol I meant if he manages to convince her to go back to his place.

    • You know what is bullshit? When I was in college, I had my own dorm for a while and my own apartment for a while (with roommates)... BUT I could never get women interested in me. I just finished college, so I moved back in with my parents. NOW... I can get women interested in, but I can't take them back to my place XD!

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • No, do not whisper. You need to make the move. If she wants to she will partake in the fore play and go from there if not you will know very quickly that she does not want to. Lol a lot of women , like myself, do not prefer sex on the first night. Some do though! You need to make sure both of you want sex, not just you. If you want to lose your virginity step up your game and start letting your hands do the talking. It may sound cheesy but I will also say wait it out for as long as you can until you find the right woman to give yourself to. No rush on sex because trust me, you'll have it one day. If you have it with some random woman you may not like the first experience. I say this to all young girls but guys as well:) good luck!

  • It's honestly something that just happens lol you can't plan such events.. They just happen.. It's something you can't plan out "alright babe we will have sex at 7pm finish at 8ish" it just comes naturally. Haha being 23 year old virgin, you shouldn't worry about it.. It will come to you, when the time is right

  • well for me, it "just happened" because we were in my dorm (private) and amongst the kissing.. he got a little more touchy touchy and i didn't stop him. he never straight up asked me if i wanted to have sex. (first time)

    but with my bf, he'll straight up ask me :P

  • Usually there's little if any talking involved. You're making out, the guy escalates it and starts touching more, and you either go with it or move his hand and keep it PG. So basically you keep moving it forward and if she doesn't stop you, it might go all the way.

    • Really? So a guy have never straight up asked you if you want to have sex?

    • Not really. He'll go slow and ask if I'm okay with this and stuff, but not "do you want to have sex".

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 1

  • As a virgin as well I can't answer your main question... But whispering that in her ear is not the way to go lol

  • The last point of your question was a good idea.

  • It happens when you kiss and start feeling up the other person and it continues from there. When she pushes your hands away or do other things to stop you or even say it.. it's not going to happen.

  • guys are basically expected to escalate everything in the beginning

  • cuddle and kiss. it really should start from there

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