How far into the relationship should sex be initiated?

So - surprise! He agreed to a formal courtship. (It still feels weird to be in a relationship again...)

Anyway, he's kind of shy and unconfident in himself, so I don't think he'll initiate anything - he hasn't even kissed me yet. The thing is, every relationship I've been in, HE'S the one that initiates it!

So how long into the relationship should I try to start something? When (now that he's never tried anything) should I go for a first kiss? And how would I go about doing so?

So far, it seems like there hasn't really been "a moment" for it, mostly because our dates are usually in public, and he doesn't walk me to the door.

3 4

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

11 61
  • You're going to get stuck in a mire of indecisiveness. Go ahead and break up.

  • You guys are fast advancing towards friendzone, sis. I'd say you should initiate the first kiss. Maybe plan a cute indoor date? Or catch him spontaneously? I know you want him to take charge, and he probably will, once the awkward phase ends. Delaying the first kiss does kinda make it awkward. In other words, he probably wants it too and is kicking himself for not doing it sooner.

  • There really is no right or wrong answer. It is when you both are ready.

  • Everyone moves at different speeds.

    you could talk with him and let him know that your ok with him doing these things.

    Or create an opportunity for him like invite him in after a date. Or ask him to walk you to your door

    @OlderAndWiser stated a good plan.

  • There isn't really a set time. Just go for it when you feel comfortable.

  • date being in-public isn't an excuse for no kiss if it warrants it. But of course if sparks fly, it's usually can't wait.

  • I'm personally don't rush into having sexual encounters (intimacy) with a new person. until we're in a exclusive relationship (proclaim each other as our significant other). while also having been together for roughly 3 months and/or had 30 dates. but other signs of affection I don't have a set time frame for so they depend on when things feel right.

    ya I know that some people might think I'm weird for waiting so long. but it's my personal choice based on my own morals. plus it helps to keep my sexual history lower. because I don't engage in hookup culture as I believe it ruins people over time.

    • typo *I personally don't rush into having sexual encounters (intimacy) with a new person.*

  • Marriage in my opinion but depends on the vouple

    • 🤦‍♂️👌🏼🤣

  • Yap maybe you should invite him to your room someday then bind him on the wall and say something like "I can't stay at easy without kissing you" say it with a big smile 😆 then try to kiss him see how he reacts then continue to go on it.

  • Right now lol 😂 can’t wait to till tonight

    • @jengeorge26 hahaha

  • Longest I’ve waited was 4 weeks it was long distance as well

  • Now you know how guys feel.

    • Lol I guess that's true!

  • I'm sorry, but darlin', I just got a bad feelin' about all this. Hope I'm wrong. The fact that you're querying when YOU should start something is just ALL wrong.

  • It's a number, hun; it's all have to do with trust. If he trust the relationship he had with you, sex will come naturally. If there is no trust, you'll feel the dynamic of the relation, more problematic than anything.

    • It's not a number (...)*

    • he has with you (...)*

  • When you fully trust him, and I mean "fully" - not at first date.

  • Didn't this JUST happen? Lol. Cool your jets, sister! Don't rush the guy! 😂
    If you're that horny, use a vibrator.

    • Lol I'm JUST ASKING! For clarification - it occurred to me that I would (for the first time in my life) have to be the one to initiate it. I'm planning ahead!

    • @LilyoftheLake LOL

  • When you say I do at the alter. 😀

  • 3rd date for sex and 2nd date for kiss.

  • I would never start a relationship with someone I haven't had sex with before.

  • Congratulations

  • Show More (32)