How I Handle Telling Guys That I Won't Orgasm

It's hard trying to talk about this. Even a few years ago, I couldn't have said anything to guys. I didn't want to come off as weird. I really didn't want to ruin sex. And it just felt so awkward. Saying that either insulted his skills, or insulted me by me basically saying I can't perform during sex either. What changed my mind, was arguing about all of this with guys I wasn't interested in. I argued about this with friends and even online guys. I just got totally used to arguing about it, and even mentioning articles and stories about it, that proved I wasn't weird.

How I Handle Telling Guys That I Won't Orgasm

So now, it's just way easier to talk about it. I don't want to be really blunt though. So, all I say is, if I don't orgasm it's mostly because of me. I don't say it exactly like this, like I can also say that it's not a big deal to me if I don't orgasm from sex (I actually nvr have, but I don't mention that), I can just get off from foreplay/other acts. I like sounding more relaxed about it, instead of just straight up telling him I can't get off.

And, it really annoys me how guys can think sex is all up to them. It makes me feel like he doesn't totally see me as a person or partner. If I don't orgasm, that's like 90% my 'fault'. It's about my mental zone more than anything. Of course I want and need him to put effort in, but he'll be doing what I like. It's not all about his skills, and I can have skills too.

So telling that to a guy I'm with or want to be with...it doesn't have to be really blunt either. I would just say that I know what I want and like, and I want to show him. It can be fun to talk about everything.

So...if we are comfortable and I just won't get off that day from anything, then I just have to mention it. Otherwise sex or whatever will be uncomfortable and feels pointless. So he can get himself off or I'll help. But it doesn't have to be a huge deal, and guys can <3 making it up later on with extra effort xD

2 7

Most Helpful Guy

  • "And, it really annoys me how guys can think sex is all up to them."

    That can, at times, be annoying to US men too. Society teaches us that it IS all up to us - that WE have the responsibility and the expectation is that we'll "make it happen" or we "aren't really a man."

    Those pressures hurt us all, because they're unrealistic. Humans aren't machines - we all have our issues and our off days, and on a "team activity" like sex, there's some shared responsibility...

    • first damn women who doesn't put everything on the guy. haahaha

    • Love this answer.

Most Helpful Girl

  • "And, it really annoys me how guys can think sex is all up to them."
    Yes. This is really annoying and sort of throws out the fact that women are there too, helping make the sex good. My boyfriend does this thing where if I didn't orgasm he thinks he wasn't good enough and it's like... no, own body, own moods, and ugh. I understand what you're getting at :/

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 12
  • Women orgasm is more related to male facial attractiveness than penis size, thats scientific truth my friends!

  • I mean I don't see the issue as long as you do it doing foreplay.. I guess it really shouldn't be a big deal if sex ain't the way you get to the finish line..

  • Yeah, just bluntly tell them -beforehand- that you don't cum from sex, but usually do from foreplay, so... they should probably have that expectation.

    Because some girls are the opposite, or some like to get close during foreplay then have in sex, some girls are done after one... so saying 'yeah get me off then move to sex = win for everyone" is... you know good info to share.

    • I like getting off after sex, with other acts. Otherwise yeah it can vary so much, so I have to be clear about myself.

    • See that's definitely something you'd have to say, otherwise people wouldn't know! a lot of women are annoyed if you finish before them. My partner -hates- having me do anything after I finish.

  • Birth control pills affect it too

    • Yeah, I've noticed this too.

  • I have to disagree with your reasoning simply because there is a direct contradiction between "If I don't orgasm, that's like 90% my 'fault'" and "But it doesn't have to be a huge deal, and guys can making it up later on with extra effort xD" I believe the best option would be to tell a guy straight up since most are up for a challenge..

  • If you undergo an operation to enlarge your G-spot , you will get orgasms every time you have sex and when the G-spot is stimulated.

    • No... not interested if that's real or not.

  • Usually they ask whats wrong or they say they want to make it happen. Then I tell them good luck lol

  • Unless you had a childhood trauma you'll be able to orgasm. Just don't deny it yourself and don't pick selfish partners

    • Do you come when you masturbate?

  • Why are you putting yourself down? You physically can't satisfy a man or you won't? I mean you have hands and a mouth that can work wonders.

  • i never talk about it with lovers. i just make them lick certain parts of my body while i touch myself to orgasm and then we have sex. if they ask what i'm doing when i'm touching myself i say nothing.

  • How smart :)

  • i agree the straightforward approach is best. i personally would never want a girl to coach me in what she likes. i'd rather her just find another man. like you said, it's a mental game mostly and skill is icing. i don't have time helping a girl with her insecurities around not orgasming. she needs to figure that out for herself. And also don't have time trying to make it work when i don't get her and what she likes from jump.

  • Tell him "Honey I need the orgasm"

  • Nice take.

  • Being able to openly talk about sex takes the pressure off, if you told me this, I'd want to prove you wrong, haha

  • any girl can orgasm, with the right guy

    • Unfortunately, that's not the case. Let's say most of the girls who think they can't orgasm can orgasm, if they're turned-on enough. For some, a minority, there are physical reasons behind the inability.

    • any girl, can orgasm, with the RIGHT guy

    • And what if a physical problem means they can't?

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