Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Ok so I know I'm probably going to get a lot of hate for this but I just wanted to share my side and get some opinions on what happened.
4 years ago I met a group of 3 guys online who played video games. We met through a mutual friend (who had met them in person before) and I used to play games with them. I ended up quickly falling for one of them (let's call him Harry). We used to flirt a little back and forth and I eventually told him I had feelings for him. When I found out he liked me back, we became closer and ended up sharing pictures and talking on webcam often.
Eventually Harry asked me out, despite never actually meeting in person. Not long after we started talking dirty on webcam and decided we wanted to meet up. So I bought my train tickets and we met up. Things were much more awkward in person at first. In fact I wasn't sure if I was attracted to him. We got back to the hotel and although we said nothing had to happen, he kissed me and before I knew it he was fingering me. Things stopped there but we went out for the night and both got really drunk. It had been at least 4 years since he had been with anyone, and I had recently broken up with my ex. We had sex that night and I think it was the worst sex I have ever had. He couldn't get up and when he did he came really quickly.
The next day I felt terrible. I still didn't know if I was at all attracted to him. But we said our goodbyes and I went back home. I cried on the train back and didn't know what to think. However, I decided to give things another chance since we were both so nervous.
Eventually, things with me and Harry got easier. I saw him more often and started to realize why I liked him in the first place. Six months in, things started to get more complicated. I noticed that he had never come to visit me and still hadn't met my parents, despite me going on holiday with his. He started getting really jealous and paranoid when it came to our friend who was also in the friend group (lets call him Andy). Andy had a girlfriend of 6 years, yet Harry would constantly get jealous and over protective. At first it was kind of cute.
Andy and his girlfriend broke up around the 14 month mark. Harry got even more paranoid and we would often argue in front of Andy about little things. Harry began using Andy in our arguments, using things he had said or telling me I should be with him instead.
2 years into my relationship with Harry, I began talking to Andy 1-on-1 a lot more. He would sometimes say things when we were all talking online. For example I would say "fuck my life" and Andy would say "wouldn't you like me to". He had no idea how angry Harry would get. I started staying up later and later to talk to Andy while Harry was asleep. At first it was just because we would play games together and keep eachother company, since neither of us went to bed as early as Harry. This then turned into more and we would often talk until 6am about anything that came to mind really. I really started to feel a connection to Andy and even thought that maybe something was there between us. But I refused to admit it to myself. I thought it was all innocent but I felt terrible staying up until that time and lying to Harry about it. So I confessed to Harry that I had been staying up late, and he made me stop talking to Andy altogether. We both cut off all contact to him.
2 and a half years into the relationship. Things were as normal. We still didn't talk to Andy and I missed talking to him. Me and Harry were doing alright but when we would argue it would get really bad. He would bring up Andy and tell me I was with the wrong person and that I had feelings for him, even though I hadn't spoken about him or to him for 6 months. In some arguments things woul get that bad that he would throw things at me and push me around, he threatened to hit me and would often break my stuff. Around this time we were living together (with his Mum and brother) and I started saving up for our own place (he didn't work and never wanted a job). I was constantly arguing with his Mum.
We both started speaking to Andy again and things seemed like they were going well for a while. I got really close to Andy again and found myself still staying up to talk to him, but this time I didn't want to tell Harry about it. I started feeling a connection with him again and we would flirt a little. This is when me and Harry ended up getting a dog together. Things completely changed. We both didn't have time to talk to Andy online and could no longer play games anymore. I missed talking to Andy every day but knew I had responsibilities to look after our dog. A couple of months later, on our 3 year anniversary, Harry proposed to me and I said yes.
From here things went completely downhill. Another 3 months went by and I was talking to Andy again. Things with our dog were tough, I found that I was often looking after him alone and left to pay for everything. Things were hard with money and I had had enough. Harry went away with his friends for the weekend and I spent all of that weekend talking to Andy. I had never had so much fun and I realized that I had feelings for him. I had feelings all along but never wanted to admit it. I was sure he felt the same way too. Harry came back home after that weekend and I felt miserable. We argued straight away because he could tell I didn't want him back and he knew that it was because I couldn't talk to Andy again now he was back. He went to sleep downstairs and I spoke to Andy.
I don't know what came over me but I need to know how he felt. I just said to him "if I ask you something retarded you will be honest with me and then forget about it?". He agreed so I continued "You see me as a friend right?". He said "Yes", so then I said "100%?" and he said yes again. I felt horrible. I had just been rejected. I didn't know what to say either. Eventually he typed "Does that make you feel better or worse?" and I said "Both", because at least I knew how he felt. He realized there and then that I had feelings for him. That's when I decided that I was being stupid and I went to go make up with my fiance.
A couple of days later, I was honestly heartbroken and finding things really tough and awkward. Me and Andy were still talking as usual as if nothing had changed. When I got really drunk that night I asked him why he doesn't like me. He said it's because he doesn't really know me (we had never even met in person).
Another couple of days passed. Andy told me he had a secret to tell me, I asked what it was and after an hour or so of begging him to tell me he said he had a dream about me. A sexual dream. I asked him for more details and he told me a little bit about it. He admits that it "must have been good because he woke up and had to masturbate to the thought". I then told him we should stop talking about it because the conversation was turning me on and I felt a bit weird. Next morning he tells me he had another dream. Again I ask what it was about and he gives me details. We ended up basically talking dirty to each other while Harry was out of the house. I felt horrible about it afterwards but honestly I had found it hard to want sex with Harry for ages. I couldn't even stand to kiss him or be touched anymore. I never for a second though, thought I was prepared to leave him.
That weekend I met up with Andy and Harry was there too. We all had fun as friends and I fell for Andy even more. Seeing him in person I realized he was completely my type physically. On Monday, I spoke to Andy online and he told me how he wishes he could have had a minute alone with me. He then admitted to me that he had cried one night because "he realized he had fallen for me but would never have the chance to be with me". I then questioned why he didn't tell me how he felt sooner or when I asked, and he said that he thought it was a trap and panicked. He obviously thought Harry was reading our conversation (since he would try to do that a lot).
I spoke to Andy more and ended up getting really upset. I told him that he doesn't know what he wants and that he doesn't really like me he just thinks he does. Basically I was pushing him away and he was telling me that he has had feelings for me for 2 years now. He said that he always thought I was happy with Harry so he was "content being my friend and making me happy". I kept telling Andy that it didn't matter because I loved Harry and couldn't imagine myself leaving him.
Harry found out that Andy had feelings for me. He was furious with Andy and told me I had to stop talking to him again. But I just couldn't. I knew right there and then that me and Harry were over. It was harder for me to lose Andy than Harry. I didn't even really understand why because we had 3 years together, lived together and had a dog. I was ready to just throw that all away for nothing? Why did Andy mean so much to me?
I realized I didn't love Harry the same way anymore. I still cared about him and didn't want to hurt him. So I told him everything and said I would try to cut Andy out of my life for him. I wanted to work on things. I couldn't imagine losing him and 3 years of my life. Harry got really annoyed after he heard how I felt. He started banging things about, broke half of my things and then pushed me against the wall and had one hand around my neck while the other was hitting me across the face. I had never been so terrified. I managed to push him off me and screamed at him telling him to get away from me. That's when I said things were over and I went to pack a few things to leave. Yes, I probably deserved it in a way but I knew I couldn't be with him if he was going to treat me like that. Not again after he promised it would stop.
Around 30 minutes later, he came downstairs to apologize. I didn't forgive him but I could see how upset he was so I told him it's fine I forgive him but he needs to understand it's over now. He said that he understands and started to talk about how horrible the situation is. He said he can't even remember the last time we had sex and it sucks how it will be the last time forever. He then asked me if I want to have sex with him last time. I said no and he kept asking. I can't really even talk about this part so I will just say that he forced me to have sex with him one last time. I don't even understand how he got any enjoyment out of it but at least it was over fast enough.
He finally let me leave afterwards so I went back to my parents house. I've been here around a month now. Harry often sends me emails begging for me back or telling me that I'm a heartless bitch. I still talk to Andy every day. He's helped me through the whole thing and went to see him a couple of weeks ago. This is the third time we had met up and we kissed. Everything was just so easy and fun with him. It all feels so natural and like we have been this way forever. We talked about everything and anything. He also confessed that he feels he is in love and honestly I feel the same. I finally feel free and like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can happily say that as of today, me and Andy are now officially a couple.
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