How is a rape survivor ever able to have sex again?

[worldscolide]

Please don't take this wrong. I'm not asking it in a "wanting sex is slutty or dirty" kind of way.. Please read below to get my intentions.

How do you get past the trauma? How do you become OK with someone touching you in that way again? How do you separate the bad experience, the trauma, from the good side the love, the affection, so you don't always think of sex as bad? How are you able to actually want it again?

It's something I have a hard time wrapping my head around.. When I was a kid, (age 4), my father did horrible things to me. It took me years to get past it, and I could only do it by stepping back from it and turning off the emotional part of it. I had to accept that it happened, that it was not my fault, and only after that was I able to move past it. I still have bad dreams, but they aren't common, but I have them.. Did you have to do the same? Or was it different?

[DizzyDesii]

I was taken advantage of but I would not call it rape. I was young, hella naive, and in love. Some Others would call my experience rape but I don't know maybe the love i had for the guy allows me to see it from a different perspective. Anyways, i’ll never forget the bad times although i recall some good. The trauma is strong enough to never forget but its not strong enough to hold me back from pursuing a relationship with someone else. Now as for sex, yes i am extremely careful with who i choose to give myself to. The second person was by choice but unfortunately still wrong. And that sucks cause i dated a lot of people in between those two men within the 7 years of having not given myself anyone. But yea, Both of my sex partners were my longest relationships, 2 years each. So here i am being extremely careful again. I just dont want to make the mistake of falling for the wrong one, especially in terms of considering having sex with the person. Again, sorry to give an answer that isn't exactly from a person you hoped for but i wanted to share my piece since I feel being taken advantage of is the next worse thing after rape. As for you, I am absolutely sorry for what your dad did to you. That makes me restate what i said above. Me being taken advantage of sexually and dealing with verbal abuse and pressure and is the next worse thing after BOTH rape and sexual abuse/pedophilia. I really hope you have recovered. You didn't deserve that and i dont wish any kind of sexual abuse on my worse enemy

[worldscolide]

No your response is fantastic, I want responses from everyone that has had some kind of sexual trauma.

[DizzyDesii]

Also, a lot of my relationships between each of those guys AND after them, have not lasted longer than 3 months each. I think part of it is because i know the longer i date, the closer to sex i get and i just dont want to do the wrong person, especially if i can see myself having sex sometime around the 6+ mark. But my 2nd sexual partner actually didn't get sex til after a year and a half because we both tried to wait til marriage and failed.

[DizzyDesii]

Oh yea and i tried to date someone who was raped by their babysitter. Sadly he became a sex addict and even one day threatened to rape me. So he took his traumatic experience down an even worse path

[worldscolide]

OK that's messed up, I didn't know it could go the other way. There was a kid in my state who was raped by his baby sitter, when he turned 18 the Supreme Court determined he was to pay child support for the Chile she had after she raped him.

[DizzyDesii]

That court is so fcked up and should be abolished. Fck thats messed up. She should be paying him for putting him through the pain of rape. His family shouldve gotten custody of the kid. Ugh she's sick!

[worldscolide]

Agreed.

[DizzyDesii]

Also the guy who threatened to rape me, he went on to “groom” a high schooler into doing with him what i wouldn't. I talked with her and just hope i saved her. Because he edited out flight to fly to her instead

[worldscolide]

Jeez I'm sorry.. I hope he ends up with therapy or prison.

[DizzyDesii]

He needs both. And whats said is that he majored in criminal justice and has gone on to become a cop. I ended things with him before he graduated college but i really hope he changed his major because he would absolutely be a dirty cop

[worldscolide]

Agreed

[DizzyDesii]

Thank you for mho 🙏

[elizamichale1]

i have been raped 2 times n that too for months...
First i had sex at 15 and i went to confess but this priest he started raping me himself n told me it was the only way to repent n he raped me at least once in a week for months... and later when i was 17 i was kidnapped n got raped by a group of men for whole week n i was in such bad condition that i passed out n woke only after 2 days when recovered from those guys...
for a while i couldnt get into it but then i started accepting it... well thanks to the support i got from my close ones...
now i work as a stripper n prostitute n i m happy i could get over it

[worldscolide]

Good God, I'm not sure I could have survived that.

[elizamichale1]

i think i survived coz of my family

[worldscolide]

That's a good thing. Unfortunately, in a lot of situations it's family that does the traumatizing.

[elizamichale1]

well my family is all for it.. i actually work for my brother n we are in this business since last 3 generations

[worldscolide]

Oh no I don't mean that. I mean statistically rape, child molestation and the like, the offender is more likely someone you know or family.. Not in all cases but it's like higher than 50%.

[elizamichale1]

well thats very unfortunate i would say coz they r the ones who u expect to be protected by the most n they become the animals...

[worldscolide]

Yes exactly. It's sickening.

[elizamichale1]

true

[MegaMachina]

I had a friend who was raped by a family member when she started puberty which she developed quite early.

For her, it was all about control. Even when she was still young, she decided to put herself in sexual situations where she had 100% control. This helped her get more used to the fact that this one negative instance was just a one off, and she started being able to trust others by very slowly giving up the control. It was a very slow and long road of being able to trust others, but it worked for her. Of course she had therapy and such the whole time too.

That being said, this isn't a solution for everyone though. No two situations are alike. But there is a chance that a rape survivor can learn to be intimate with people again.

[HatiVargrrr]

This ✨💜

[Faith18letsgo]

I’m so sorry that happened to you. It shouldn’t have.

I’d go to therapy, and touch people in asexual ways until you don’t get that same panic.

[worldscolide]

My friend, my question was more about getting past it, if others did it the same way I did. Thanks for your comments though. It is very much appreciated.

[Faith18letsgo]

I really would recommend PTSD therapy, I did it and it really helped.

[Agape93]

I'll dm you. This is something I am posting publicly.

[Agape93]

Not*

[worldscolide]

Understood! You don't have to. I hope my question was not offensive.

[Agape93]

Not at all hon, you're asking a legit question.

[worldscolide]

Thanks!!

[SlothySlob]

Ultimately, you need to make a distinction in your mind that the person you're having sex with is not the person who molested you. You need to consciously make that distinction.
The problem is that we remember traumatic events to prevent the body from experiencing trauma again.
In essence it's like knowing that a fire can burn you, but it can also give you comforting warmth.

[Zygum]

Rape is forced sex, Rapist can have sex and more married life,

[worldscolide]

You missed the point of the question.

[Zygum]

Sorry, I did not understand the main point of your question

[worldscolide]

The point was about how others move past the trauma. How others deal with it. Not about what you mentioned.

[Anonymous]

How does anyone get past trauma? Not everyone handles it the same way. Some become hyper sexual, some hate the very idea of sex. Some move in like nothing ever happened. Some pretend they can and deal with the nightmares.