How is it possible for some people to separate sex and feelings?

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Watch the scene from the "Devil's Advocate" with Al Pacino. He said that sex is no different than eating large quantities of chocolate. If you're looking for "feelings" then look for that. If you're looking for sex, then look for that.

    What pisses me off, is people that don't realize that your love life is much like levels in a video game.

    We all start at the bottom and work our way up. After your divorce (only about 50% of couples get those) you won't even want to play the game. But when you're ready, you want to start at the first level. Sex is easy, but feelings come much later.

    • That was a pretty cool reply. But when you say "only" 50% of couples get divorced, the majority of the other half stay in unhappy marriages for other reasons like routine/laziness/logistics/deperation/etc. Helluva video game!

    • @xColinx My reply was a sarcastic one. I think you picked up on that. I see so many women bashing others because they are on different levels of the game. They did one night stands. They had fuck buddies. They had friends with benefits. They had boyfriends. But when they get engaged, they act like they are superior to be on that level of the game. It's the same game, but at a different level. Their high level is fine and dandy, but they forget about the lower levels they were on in the game. Next they will get married, and next they will get divorced. Then they will hate life, and then they will start back on the first level of the game. I just hate when people are level 3, and look down on people who are on level 2. Are they really that fucking stupid? Did they forget that they were on level 2 just 5 months ago? This site is a perfect example of that. This site is about a million people on level 0, criticizing anyone that isn't on level 10. lol I've been on level 10, and now I'm restarting the game. We're all like those hamsters running on those round wheels. When I see them in pet stores, I smile and give them a thumbs up. They think they're almost there. Good for them. Maybe they ARE almost there. Maybe we're all ALMOST there. lol

    • I really liked your first reply and the follow up is even better! Your analogy works really well. Plus devils advocate is such a good movie.

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  • I think it's just the way they were built, they might view sex just as something that feels pleasant and enjoyable rather than something you do with someone you possibly like. Whether they manipulate and use people for their bodies or not say more about them

    • It’s quite sad isn’t it? I guess you can never truly know if someone is using you or if they’re genuine. It’s a scary thought

    • It is, that's one way to put it. How do you know if you've picked right afterall

    • @FallonSamuels thank you for the MHO

Most Helpful Guys

  • I think they just think of the woman as a toy. The only thing they care about is getting off. It's like they just go through the motions of having sex.

    I've been told there are three forms of sex.
    1- making love, where you very much love the person.

    2- having sex, where you care enough about the person but you don't want to be in a relationship.

    3- fcking, where you just use the person for sex and nothing

    • Interesting insight. Thank you. I’m guessing using sex to get someone to like you most likely never works?

    • Those Sociopaths do only care about themselves.

    • I think it would depend on the guy. I never had sex with a woman that I didn't already have feelings for.

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  • It's genetics, I think. Some people can shut off their feelings like a faucet and just consider it an "act", do it and feel nothing. Others can't help that having that warm feeling of another body close to you and being a part of you means something feelings come out.

    • Are you perhaps one of the people that are able to shut off their feelings?

    • Sadly I am not. I slept with someone once and we hardly knew each other but I developed feelings for her quick. I have a buddy though who can shut off his feelings and sleep with different women. He says he avoids kissing and just does the act.

    • Haha, you’re more like me - I tend to develop feelings if I have a sexual relationship with someone. So according to your friend, kissing is more intimate to him than sex?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • They are sociopaths, all they care about is themselves and getting off, and they use people.

    I personally will fall in love with someone, or at least get a little bit attached even after one time.

    Even when I did hook ups, it was hard not to... but if I only saw them once, it was far less likely to.

    • Thank you. I literally thought I wasn’t normal cause I tend to develop feelings after one sexual encounter. How would you know if someone is using you?

    • Not a real good way, but if they tend to go silent in-between, say a few days without texting or calling, but then they start to get real chatting and want to hook up again, then go silent again... that is a decent sign they are using you. They also have no real interest in doing anything non sexual with you. Someone that wants more, will keep in touch in-between and want to do non sexual stuff too. Also a true sociopath manipulator can pretend to want more and they are really hard to identify, beyond that they eventually want power over you and will try to find a way to get it.

  • It wasn't that difficult at all!

  • I'm sure some can do it if it is just casual sex or a one nighter or hookup. Maybe they just want to share some orgasms together and not get emotionally connected.

    • Some people can tell themselves that it’s just casual sex but end up developing feelings for the person if it’s a consistent arrangement

  • I think you can separate sex from feelings more easily if you don't know the person you're having sex with.

    This happens quite a lot, when a couple rushes in too quickly before getting to know each other personally.

  • It's called "compartmentalizing" - divide your life into discrete sections or categories. I managed to have a sexual relationship with a woman I actually detested (and she felt likewise) thanks to that.

    • How does having sex with someone you detest work? Doesn’t it make the whole situation awkward? Was it because the sex was good? What made the arrangement possible and functional?

    • The sex was good and it worked because despite being bitter rivals we respected each other.

    • Thank you for your input :)