Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
#BATTLEROYALE
Do you follow the 90 day rule? The 5 dates rule? Or any of the plethora of useless rules used to govern your sex life that really just hold you back for no reason whatsoever? Throw those rules out the window, make your own. So how long should you really wait to have sex?
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Whenever you fuckin' feel like fucking. This Take is primarily written under the presumption that both parties who are about to engage in this hanky panky deal are mature, consenting, intelligent, low drama type, individuals, who are open-minded about premarital and outside-of-relationship, sex.
So. Whether it be 90 days, until marriage, or that same night, YOU decide whether or not it's the right time. Jokes on everyone, there is no "optimal" time to wait to have sex because it is totally dependent on you and your partner's comfort level with each other and your own bodies. Let's be honest, for most people, sex is a part of the deal when it comes to dating and relationships, so why pretend like neither of you is trying to get some eventually? The sooner the both of you can let go of your reservations and accept that a desire for sex and feel good stuff is a natural human condition, the more fun you'll be able to have.
Again, I understand that there are some who face more difficult obstacles than the usual not wanting to seem promiscuous or not wanting to come off like a playboy, or being a virgin who just hasn't found someone yet, so for you guys, please, please, do take as much time as you need, and on the flip side, DON'T HAVE SEX IF YOU'RE NOT READY just because you feel pressure from society or your partner to do so.
As a woman, I understand that a huge fear of ours is that we don't want to seem like a little hoe bag if we end up having sex on the first date, but to me, any guy who would make that judgement after spending (assuming) a few hours getting to know my mind and connecting with me on an emotional level, is someone who's opinion I care little about. And if he wants, he can tell all his friends as much as he wants because a) I know that if we had sex it was probably fantastic for him, and b) if anyone tries to come at me like I'd just drop my pants for anyone, they're going to face a very painful and possibly quite humiliating, rejection.
Putting myself on blast here but: I've had one night stands (realized they're not really for me), friends who turned into FWBs and never talked to me after we ended, friends who turned into friends with benefits but then back to friends after we found other people, first date sexy times that turned into year long relationships, and like 10th date sexy times that also turned into relationships. The point is, the amount of time you've waited to have sex does not and should not determine your eligibility as a partner. One ONS avoided me for AGES but then 2 years later messaged me going, "Hey I'm sorry I was a dick two years ago.. Can I make it up to you by taking you out for ice cream?" No, it was not a ploy to get back into my pants because I made it clear it wasn't going to happen, also had a boyfriend, and he still wanted to do so.
I had a 3 year long relationship develop with someone who I had sex with on the first date. It wasn't even an entire date, it was within MAYBE 2 hours of meeting each other. Had THREE other multiple years long relationships develop in which we did the dirty within a week of "dating", and another 3 year long relationship in which we didn't have sex until after at least 2 months and almost 10 dates. These relationships ended for compatibility and differences in future planning reasons, not because they couldn't see me as "marriage material" because trust me, I'm #wifey.
This Take has been primarily geared towards women as I've seen more women struggling with this issue than men, because also most people think guys are trying to get some ALL THE TIME. For you guys, don't throw all your gentlemanly habits out the window, but make sure both you and your partner are ready for this as well. If you feel you need more time to get to know a girl before you poke her with your private parts, by all means take that time. You'll have women who will get offended and upset but you are no obligated to want to immediately put your peewee in every being with female parts. Flip, if all you're trying to do is get that butt, then make your intentions clear as well (respectfully) so you both can decide how you want to move forward.
People will talk no matter what. But someone who truly likes you for who you are will still like who you are whether you give it up tonight or a month from now. So how long should you wait? As long as you feel necessary, barring judgement from any other parties. What happens between you and your fun-times partner is between you two. 😘
What Girls & Guys Said
22 35Personally I Waited 120 Days or 4Months
I totally agree on whenever you feel it. But what I would say is that this should apply TO ALL GUYS. I. e. if he is a good guy , do NOT punish him for this by purposively delaying sex.
I wrote a take on this, pls check it out: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a30526-why-are-women-only-sexual-with-guys-who-aren-t-long-term-material
Right, I agree. I don't think sex should never be used for leverage in anything.. I meant this take more for those who feel hesitation from their own insecurities.
Oh I see. Yes absolutely. It's just I don't get why some might do dirtier things with those they don't care about and who don't care about them half as much as the other guy or girl?
Same lol, seems a little backwards to me. But I also get it, you might never have to see them again, and I think people are just worried about being judged.
I guess, but I agree with you. It seems backwards or a paradox. I mean why would you open up sexually to someone like that and not a decent person? If the decent person isn't a judgmental person?
I have no rule just play it buy ear effected by judgement of friends family and the way things are going.
Could be anything from first date to 6 mouths.
First date, I usually get MINIMUM of a bj or at least stinky finger. Second date is sex, or there won't be a third.
You're so sexy. I want to have sex with you 💋
I pretty much agree with this. Personally I won't be in a big hurry to date girls who are known to sleep around with a bunch of different guys, but I respect that they do what they want to do. I've never had a girlfriend or sex and just got out of college, but if I do meet somebody I'd like to have sex as soon as possible, as long as we have a genuine connection with each other. I've really wanted to establish that kind of connection with a girl, but it just hasn't happened yet. Everyone has their own path and life, and quite honestly I don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship yet, but I know I want to have sex.
Totally fair. And with different people it will take different amounts of time to establish that connection, so it really does depend on the two people in that situation.
Virginity wasn't a huge deal to me, and I'm still with the man that I lost it to. We had sex after about 2 weeks of being together officially, for me personally I didn't care about going by any rule, we both really liked eachother (which has now turned in to love) and just wanted to have sex :)
how long have you been together?:)
@hi_world_ 6 months
thats nice how old were you when you lost your virginity?
@hi_world_ 16
you were so young:) didn't it hurt
@hi_world_ not really young, the age of consent is 16
u liked it?
That's good, that's also lucky.
Thanks for sharing and it's great to hear that you guys are happy and going strong! :)
#hiworld it doesn't hurt more bc you're 16 instead of 20 ... its just plumbing.
All the male responses here don't care about women They just want their dicks wet fast as possible.
If it's not within the first month, we're breaking up.
Women can have sex whenever and where they like. I prefer it they put out early because I get to pump and dump them and move on to the next woman. So if a woman puts out with minimal investment on my part then I consider that a major expense saver and in this current economic, I'd prefer it if women made my life easy as possible.
Also if a woman makes me wait for sex, that's not an issue, I'll play ball, I'll simply sleep with other women behind her back and then when she gives up the goods exit the relationship as fast as I entered it.
Women think they have the control and power. How funny.
Lol well.. I feel like if that's your take on it you should just make clear what you're going for.. At least give them that amount of respect so they're not wasting their time either
I think most people will know when they're ready. Honestly, I consider age and maturity to be more important than how long you should wait. For example, a pair of 23-year-olds going out on one date and then sleeping together sounds fairly normal to me. Casual sex at that age is fine, but any younger than 20 years old and it starts to get weird. If you're 17 or 18 and already sleeping around, I'll wonder if you're even emotionally ready for sex.
I'm going on three years without it 'cause we're in an LDR.
I agree with you, emotional maturity when it comes to something like sex is incredibly important. And in your situation it's your individual relationship that dictates how soon it happens. I hope you guys get to meet again soon if you haven't already!
If you see yourself getting married, DON'T DO IT!
Women who have more pre-marital sexual partners are MORE likely to fail at their first marriage. The practical advice for a single woman seeking to lower the risk of her first marriage ending in divorce is to remain a virgin bride. If she sleeps with even one person, her risk of divorce increases, at the very least, by roughly 10% (from 14.9% to a value of 25.6%). …And it could easily go higher.
Several studies have been done on this. The Article below puts it all together. VERY informative read!
socialpathology.blogspot.com.au/.../...t-post.html
5 Lies Girls Tell Themselves While Dating That Ultimately Lead To Self Destruction
thoughtcatalog.com/.../
@MagiAlphaOne I already responded to one of your comments on here.. Neither of those are published scientific articles. Not to mention that the data is from almost 10 years ago.. And the dating scene has changed significantly since then. I would appreciate if you did not run around on my post trying to encourage women not to get married.
Yes, the data is 10 years old. And we don't know who INTREPID is. However, the sources uses are completely credible. For example, the National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG) did a followup study that analyzed data form 2011-2013. The Study was performed by TWO Phds. The found the following...
There was no change from 2006–2010 to 2011–2013 in attitudes regarding marriage, cohabitation and the risk of divorce, the necessity of having children for one’s happiness, and raising children in a cohabiting union. Several of the attitudinal items varied significantly by age group for both men and women.
The citation...
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr092.pdf
Jessakah, you said "I would appreciate if you did not run around on my post trying to encourage women not to get married".
https://www.girlsaskguys.com/ is a website designed to solicit opinions from anyone that wishes to do so. What I have to say is to BOTH genders.
I'm 56 years old. Married for 24 years. And have a Daughter, 20. My concern is for her future. I support Marriage and my Daughter wants to get married one day as well.
My purpose is to discourage behavior (s) that lead to divorce. The data presented demonstrate the results of such behavior.
@MagiAlphaOne apologies, when you said, "If you see yourself getting married, DON'T DO IT!" it sounded like you were saying don't get married. However I still stand by the fact that society has changed significantly even in the last 3 years in their attitudes towards sex and marriage. Additionally, surveys are often biased as there is still the prevailing ideology where people THINK they should be answering a certain way. On top of that, because these blog posts are looking to argue a certain point, they will only use the statistics that lend to their argument rather than highlighting any that would say otherwise.
My parents are divorced and my father was the ONLY MAN my mother had been with before they got married. So in my personal life I have already seen an example that disproves this "theory". And this is not about them being an exception.
Jessakah, your "moving the goal post". 10 years. 3 years. At what point will the facts and data be acceptable to you? Yes, there are bad surveys and good surveys. The CDC and Heritage Foundation both performed credible sources and the studies they have performed are also credible. Statistics can be cited to support any certain point. You have to look at the credibility of the sources to determine the reliability.
Jessakah, I'm sorry that your parents are divorced. My parents divorced after 30 years of married. She was 17 and he was 23 years old. We will always have divorce. We should NOT engage in behaviors that increase this possibility.
@MagiAlphaOne it's not so much about the actual year range, I speaking more to the actual changes in society. Between 2006-2010 and 2011-2013, I wouldn't really say there was much change. However, I honestly do think that things have changed significantly with the increased use of online dating, the acceptance of gay marriage, etc etc. 3 years ago dating was a pretty different ballgame.
The changes you describe can only be described as bad. 1. I have never had to use Online Dating. Talking to others, including my Daughter, its a "cesspool". Many who profess to be "dating advisors/gurus" recommend that you stay away from it. 2. Homosexuality: Acceptance is a mark of decline of civilizations. Please feel free to Google this. The Roman Empire is a great example.
Also, I would not want to be a 20 something Man these days! There are 25 known STDs. Some are drug resistant. False Rape accusations. Lack of Ladies that are "Wife Material". I've come across several Youtube Videos made by Men in their 20s and 30s that have made this comment. Some are even getting frustrated in their search and are giving up. Young Men in my Church have been through horrible, destructive divorces. Also, I've spoken with young Men and Women who stated that they are living together. When it came to marriage, they had a story to share about someone in their Family getting divorced. They did not want to get married and go through the same pain.
24 hours lol
So, how come none of them led to marriage? A relationship that lasts years but doesn't lead to marriage isn't such a success in my book.
Because I'm 24 and didn't want to get married so young? Two of them didn't want to have kids, I do eventually. One of them was due to distance because he wanted to be single going into the military.
Some people don't want to get married. Does mean all their relationships are failures?
@Dudeman1234 thanks :)
If marriage is part of your life plan. Don't sleep around. There is a direct correlation and causation with the number of sex partners and divorce. Virgins win!
If you sleep with even one person, your risk of divorce increases, at the very least, by roughly 10% (from 14.9% to a value of 25.6%). …And it could easily go higher.
Several studies have been done on this. The Article below puts it all together. VERY informative read!
socialpathology.blogspot.com.au/.../...t-post.html
@MagiAlphaOne I think it's due to people getting married really young and not knowing what it is they want. People change so drastically as people from 18-30 that within a few years they may not want the same thing or become a different person. Thus a divorce happens.
@19magic agreed, not so much due to the number of sex partners.
In all of my past relationships I've usually had sex sooner rather than later, but now I regret it. I mean it was fun and great. But as soon as the sex started, logical decision making jumped out the door. I was already attached and wouldn't want to leave that person, so the sex would sort of make the decision for me, and I never really got to know the person, until later when it was too late already. So I would have to split up, and let me say after sex, the split up is much harder than before it. For me of course.
This time I'm not only going to not have sex, but I'm not going on private dates either. I want to get to know him well, and his friends and family just as a friend. Then if I think we are ok, I will take it to the next level. I don't know if guys would like to do that, but I hope they do, and anyway I don't want any more heartbreaks.
I totally understand, past experiences will make you wary of moving forward in the same ways if it hasn't worked out before. If the way you approach now is to only have sex until you've gotten to know someone well because that's what makes you more comfortable, then that's should be exactly what you do!
That makes sense and it is ok, not a problem for me.
I don't follow any rules, I just have sex whenever I feel it. Good take.
Thanks! :)