How many dates should you go out on before you sleep with a man?

I’m not a virgin but I’m quite emotionally innocent. I never have known how long you make a man wait for sex so he doesn’t label you as easy and on with everyone so that he talks about you and no longer likes/loves you or whatever. Can someone tell me how long I should wait? I can’t read social cues and I kept getting used in my youth as a result. I want to avoid repeating my mistakes in my thirties.

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This isn’t a joke question or trolling. I really don’t know. It’s annoying and embarrassing not to know at my age, so I’m asking. Anonymously.
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Most Helpful Guys


  • I don’t judge women who sleep with me on the first date, if anything I see her as someone who is sure of themselves. When you say youth do you mean your twenties cause I feel like your thirties are still youthful. There’s no magic threshold for how you’re supposed to act but I will say it might be time to do some reflecting. Take responsibility for your actions just don’t beat yourself up over it, it doesn’t help. We all make bad decisions but hopefully we learn from them in order to make them less. Out of curiosity is there a reason you can’t read social cues?

    The truth is there is no correct amount of dates, it varies wildly from person to person. You need to know what you’re looking for and make sure your actions align. You control wether you have sex or not, anything outside of that decision is assault. That said sex is not a prize you’re giving away, it’s something that is shared. Find someone that wants to share it with you not take it from you.

  • It is not about the number of times one dates before having sex, however, it is about the quality of the time spent. Have you met the family? Friends know who you are? Is he open about being with you in public, work, and friend gatherings? I am not screwing anyone who has not had me around her family and friends. How they are with family is what you will be living with...

    • It’s confusing for me to tell, but I’ll write some of these social rules down. I was taken advantage of in my twenties a lot and I couldn’t tell who was preying on me and who wasn’t.

    • You’re right. I should observe how they treat others. Also, is it ok to just tell people I like or love them and ask them out? I don’t feel comfortable trying to sit on people or act all blatantly sexual. Like maybe I could be arrested for assault and battery or indecent exposure. Lol.

    • Naomi says that’s not smooth enough, but the lesbian that hit on me said it’s fine.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • That’s a tough question to answer because there isn’t a set answer. Each situation is different. I’ve been in relationships were it was right after 3 dates and others it wasn’t until 3 months. Guys are programmed to want sex and they will pressure you for it. Sounds like you’re giving it up too early. How long are you typically waiting? I read in one of your responses that you have Asperger’s. Since reading social cues is difficult for you, this will always be a difficult thing for you to navigate. You have to read the other person and discern if their affection and respect is real or fabricated. Sometimes that’s even difficult for people without Asperger’s. A good rule of thumb is wait 3 months. It’s long enough to not appear easy and guys looking to use you typically won’t wait that long. There are no guarantees but it could help your odds.

  • It's not a time frame, its how you feel and when you are ready. If you date five times a week and hang out a lot, you might feel ready in 2 or 3 months but I personally would recommend longer, to try and weed out those who only want sex and play ya.

    Those that really care, are willing to wait... until you are ready.

    • Hello! I've read your profile description and i wanted to say I am here if you need someone to talk to. I didn't know how to contact you except this way. I only want to help. Be strong, you are a beautifull human being and you will conquer the world!

    • @minu1234minu hey, thanks. 😊

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • For me, its not about dates. A person could go out every day of the week and thats already 7 dates. Nahh. For me, being in an official and committed relationship. Its about loving them and being in love with them. That takes time. About a good 6 months at the least

  • To me in my opinion it should come after surviving meeting the parents if one or the other still has them around. Often a good final "test" to see if they really are the one.

  • It is just a matter of when does it feel good. I think it was date number four or five when my wife and I ended up in bed. But we started with just touching each other (while naked), as I did not want to go all the way yet. That took about another month.

    Why that long? I told her directly from the beginning (as I did not want her to see my refusal to go all the way directly as a rejection); In my earlier experience, I have never had 'good sex' when having sex with a new woman for the first time. And I was really into her, so I did not want to mess it up with a bad sexual experience. To really have good sex, you need to know each others bodies first, how it reacts to certain ways of being touched. So first let us spend time exploring each other, before going all the way.

    I think it was a very good strategy, as we are now over two and a half years later, we are married, and she still wants to have sex at least every day.

    • That’s really great advice. Thanks, I’ll use it if I date again.

  • Based on your quetion, I assume that religious or moral factors don't enter into your decision. So. . .

    You should wait until you have agreed to date exclusively, and until you trust that he wants to make love with you and not just have sex with you.

  • I think it varies on the connection one has with a new partner. Also ones culture and upbringing come into play. I have had great sex or the first date but I also have waited for 5-10 times before sex happens. So it really does vary from couple to couple.

  • You could go on 1 date a week for 6 months and still not know somebody well enough to make that decision so do it when you are ready and trust has been established.

  • As many as you’d like.

  • Whenever you feel comfortable sleeping with him. Doesn't matter if it's after the first date, the second or whatever.

    • It's hard to say that if you are like me and you are a new and shy and very nervous and new and a virgin and new to ever thing and I think that it would be different for you

  • That really depends on the guy. One thing I learned in my life is that if someone will stab you in the back on day 1 they'll do it on day 1,000. Applying that same concept tot his issue, It's a matter of the person's character, how much they care for you, etc... so unfortunately there's really no simple or clear cut answer.

  • I wouldn't do it till you know they are in the relationship for the right reason. I withheld sex for 6 months one time to know that it wasn't a passing relationship. Not saying you should wait that long, but just wait until your comfortable with the person and have established trust.

  • Personally, I don't judge women based on how soon they sleep with me.
    Most women, ok no, ALL women I've been with slept with me on the first day, and I didn't see them as easy or lose any respect for them.
    I just saw them as women who knew what they wanted and didn't mind having fun and enjoying life while they still can.
    It's their character and attitude that I judge them by.

    I realize this is a very unpopular opinion and most people will give you a timeline or tell you to wait until you're ready, but it sounds like you probably are ready, you're just worried what he might think of you if you do it too soon.

    I say go for it. If he decides you're just a tramp and an "easy catch", then fuck him. He's an idiot and you don't want a guy who judges you by something so minuscule anyway

  • Until you feel comftble with the man or until you decide you want to we can't tell u when to fuck lol

    • If u do it for a randomly decided number without any reason you will look stupid

    • Unless you don’t want to be slut shamed, which all men do if you put out too soon.

    • If all men slut shamed men wouldn't indulge in sleeping with them lol 😆

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  • It really depends. 3rd date is usually the point where I am pretty sure if I want to stick around or move on. You need to get to know the guy you are dating. It doesn't matter how many dates. What's matter is how well you know him.

    You need to know his social situations like family, friends and other girlfriends. You also need to know his finances like job, income, assets. Then you need to know his aspirations, dreams and goals. You also need to know his quirks, fetishes and hobbies. Finally, you need to make sure you are comfortable having sex with him.

    In general, sleeping with somebody is probably the last step you want before you get 'real' with the relationship. It's more or less the last box to tick to make sure there is nothing weird will show up unexpected down the line.

  • The date after ypu guys get married.

  • like, 5 times i think *nods*

  • It's different by age. Teens and lowers 20, it's as many dates as you can but you have to make it clear that you would like to wait in these cases and he has to believe that you aren't creating a rule for him that you broke for others.

    Uppers 20s and on, you screwed if you do and screwed if you don't. Guy will think either why is she making me wait when others probable didn't and if you do it on first date, guy could see it as slutty behavior but certainly not complain and say no

  • I suggest 6 to 10. He should prove his longevity before he earns PIV.

  • Some of my best LTRs we slept w each other night one... That being said, more than three dates I'm thinking she's not that interested.

  • Certainly more than one. I think it is a factor of what you feel and how serious you think he is. There is no magic number.

    • I’m not very good at gauging signs of how much a man cares for me.

    • The traditional test is if he sticks around without getting sex.

  • Enough for you to be comfortable and know they want what you want.

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