Guys, how many of you out there think a husband can't rape his wife?

[Anonymous]

Do you SECRETLY think a husband forcing his wife to have sex should NOT be considered as rape because they're married but you won't voice your opinion?

Do you OPENLY think a husband forcing her to have sex isn't rape and proudly voice your views and opinions in discussions?

Do you think its wrong and illegal?

[hellionthesage]

Define rape, because according to U. S. law a man having sex with a women who has consumed any alcohol is a rapist (completely ignoring consent or his levele of inebriation). I think that it could be rape but I also think that if the roles where reversed it would be rape which as far as I know, no governing body acknowledges. Further why would a man rape his wife? I would find it scetchy if a women would accuse her husband of rape. Further is it really exceptable for a woman to live in her husbands house, use her husbands money and expect him to protect her if their is even the remotest possiblity of danger, and still withhold sex (as far as I can tell this is the only way this could happen) to the point the husband who has provided her all of these things and with whome she has trusted enough to sign a legal and social contract with? It seems shady, but then it all depend on the situation I guess.

[Asker]

Why does he have to be the breadwinner? Maybe he's not doing so well with finding a job and she's the only one who's working. It doesn't matter why she's withholding sex, still doesn't give him the right to put his hands on her. You and your reasoning sounds shady.

[hellionthesage]

The norm is that the man is the bread winner it has been for the duration of humanities existence and despite what people say is vast majority of the time true even now. My statement that she is withholding sex was to illustrate that obviously their is more to the situation then a man just one day up and descides to throw law, societal norms/taboos, and morality to the wind to rape a women that he would seem to care about since he married her and that she was just a perfectly innocent and unsuspecting victim. It seems rather shady. Women who cry rape are always believed in our society, men accused of rape are always viewed as guilty regardless of facts. It would seem more like someone exploiting this scenario to their advantage than a rape however that is not to suggest it is not possible which is why I stated that it is entirely dependent of the circumstances.

[Asker]

Her withholding sex does add more to the story but it doesn't make his actions any less excusable.

[hellionthesage]

I think you are misunderstanding me. I am not saying its excusable, what I am saying is this situation seems bizzar to the point of being questionable. So the fact that we would even have something like marital rape seems to be very peculier. To take by forc is the definition of rape. However a part of marriage is the womens acknowledgment that she is consenting to being this mans wife a part of which is sexual in nature. In fact not having sex with your husband was grounds for divorce. The reason the man has traditionaly been the bread winner is infact part of marriage, he protected and provided and in return he got exclusive procration rights. Not very romantic sounding but that is its orgins, it may not think of it in these terms but at some level we do acknowledge this. So the fact that this situation is coming up is a bit strange one because as I said the man apparently cares about her since he married her, and two we know that marriage is a sexual relationship.

[hellionthesage]

Also again we currently have a very loose and vague definition of rape which is easily applied to most sexual actions and is also very gender specific ie. a woman "can't" rape a man but a man absolutely can rape a women.

[Asker]

I'm curious to know what you voted.

[Asker]

Peculiar huh? It happens everyday all over the world. Just because sex is suppose to come with the marriage package doesn't really mean much.

[hellionthesage]

I didn't, their was no answer that did not implie the "proper" anwer that you were looking for. Also you did not define rape. As I said the laws for rape are vague and one sided, did the man have sex with his wife while they were both intoxicated, did he verbally coerce her because she wasn't in the mood, did he take his wife and physicly hold her down as she told him no, because everyone of these scenarios is considered rape. If the gender roles where reversed none of them would be considered rape. Women who accuse a man of rape are immediatly believed with out evidence and men considered guilty despite the evidence. Then take into account that less than 4% of men have raped in the world, (actual FBI statistic) and the fact that the same percentage of women will also rape, it seems like an unlikey scenario. If it does happen it is rape and is wrong, I am questioning the frequency of such a sceario.

[hellionthesage]

Women accuse their husbans of terrible things all the time, especially whent it will benefit them in a divorce. If he raped her then she can divorce without any ramifications and get a nice bit of money too. The reason Ronald Reagen signed no fault divorce into law was because his ex-wife accused him of domestic violence in order to get the divorce she wanted and so he signed it into law hoping that it would prevent things like this from happening. Women are not always innocent and men are not always the villian. Though you probably won't believe me.

[Asker]

I wasn't looking for a "proper" answer. Everyone will have their own opinion which they are entitled to. And by rape I meant as in him holding her down. And no, I don't think women are always innocent and men are always the villains. I'm not biased.

[hellionthesage]

Your opinin was known just by the way you phrased the question and answers, and by extention of this you already decided what he "proper" response was. The fact that on here you have criticized people who did not answer in the fashion that you liked shows this as well for example "I know you never said you were in favor of raping your wife and I haven't accused you of anything. You must be feeling guilty about something". You stated that you were not accusing him of rape and then immediatley accusing him of potentially raping his wife. As for your comment about not being biased, when another commenter mentioned that it was rape but that a girlfriend waking up her boyfriend with sex was also rape you immediatley dismissed it with your question/argument of if he would be pissed if it happend to him was in fact a dismissal of his previous statement in order to bipass the obvious double standards we have in our society, namely that men are never victims and women always are.

[Ihav2fart]

It's still rape, and should be treated as any rape case. A wife is a life partner to share life experiences with and spend the rest of a mans life with... a wife isn't a sex object.

[stubbsy]

having sex with anyone who fails to give consent or expresses their desire to not participate by saying no or using any other form of rejection to any sexual act is rape. There is no loop holes to what can be a lesser charge. Rape is rape and should be punishable by life in prison and not the silly 8 to 12 years or 6 to 12 years that currently is put in terms of justice.

[vjreejr]

I am deeply concerned about those who voted B.

[Riverock]

Rape is rape.

Getting married is mostly about sharing your lives together; not about the woman becoming a sex toy on demand or him getting to decide what she does. People can say no whenever and to whoever they want and the other person just has to deal with it.

[Klaatu51]

nobody has any right 2 rape somebody else 8)

[Frost_Byt3]

Rape = sex without consent.

"I will always give you consent, and therefore you never need to ask for sex, because consent goes without saying" is not part of the wedding vows.

[HereForTheDay]

There is no such thing as marital rape. In most states a woman not only gives consent at marriage, but is legally obligated to give her husband sex. Lack of sex is grounds for divorce in most if not all states in the US.
I am not saying it is polite, but how do you accuse a man of raping a woman who has consented? You need to clearly distinguish this from "real" rape.

[Asker]

You obviously think it shouldn't be wrong in the eyes of the law so it shouldn't be illegal. But what about morally?

[HereForTheDay]

I think that I personally, would always respect the wishes of my partner.

[Asker]

By your first opinion, I wish any partner you have the best of luck. He/she will need it.

[HereForTheDay]

Well, our ages are quite different. I think you have an idealized viewpoint. The truth is, there is a far different situation involved when a man on the street rapes a woman coming home from work than when a man sleeps with his wife that he has been copulating with for years after she says no. One is horrendous and the other is merely rude.

[Asker]

Actually a woman getting raped by her husband than a stranger sounds just as bad, if not worse. Having someone you love and trust inflict that kind of emotional and physical pain on you can be really damaging. Stranger or a spouse, its 'real' rape.

[HereForTheDay]

i'll have to disagree. I think that judging by the fact that it isn't even illegal, you have to concede they are 2 different events.

[Asker]

Marital rape is illegal in the USA and a lot of other countries. The emotional and physical trauma inflicted during marital rape is the same as stranger rape. It doesn't matter if the law doesn't regard them equally. The damage was done and anyone who commits marital rape should get at least ten years. Let's just agree to disagree.

[HereForTheDay]

Wow - I see it is illegal now. Wasn't when I got married... interesting.

[Asker]

You're married? Wow, that's very surprising.

[HereForTheDay]

Why is that? I didn't say I was IN FAVOR of raping my wife. I said I didn't think that it is an equivalent crime to a normal rape. How do they reconcile the legal obligation of a wife to deliver sex to her husband? It is a convoluted system in which we live.

[Asker]

I know you never said you were in favor of raping your wife and I haven't accused you of anything. You must be feeling guilty about something. I bet your wife is the submissive type. Anyway, it may be a wife's job to give her husband sex but its definitely not his job to force her if she says no and should be illegal in every country instead of just some. Backward world we live in.

[mattdaman294]

There is a story about a dude called John Babitt who forced his wife to have sex (Marital Rape), she cut off his dick. Then she threw in in a field, supposedly the dick was found a couple days later intact, and supposedly he had it reattached and he divorced his wife and allegedly made porn films, however this is an urban legend my dad had once heard.

[evenlift]

Rape is non-consensual sex. So, if you consent to an agreement that permits sex on demand, then such sex is not rape. That's a terrible agreement, but, if you agree to it, you agree it. So, for example, back when England did not recognize marital rape, there was no such thing as marital rape. If you didn't want to be obliged to give your spouse sex, you didn't get married. Now, that the law has been changed and sex on demand is no longer part of the marriage agreement, marital rape does exist.

If you consent to an arrangement, how ever terrible that arrangement is, you are not a victim as a result of having those obligations enforced against you. The actual victims are the people who don't agree to that arrangement and who want different arrangements but aren't legally allowed to have them. Marriage is a terrible arrangement. And it needs to be deregulated, so that people can tailor their relationships the way they want.

[evenlift]

I should also say that, while marriage did give husbands immunity from rape charges under English law (note that women, whether in marriage or not, could not and still cannot be charged with rape... So much for equality!), it did not give them immunity from all other sexual offences.

[fun-weird-guy]

rape is rape. If you try to force someone to have sex with you it does not matter if they are your boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance/fiancee, husband/wife or something else because it is still rape and you should be punished

[Anpu23]

No one owes anyone sex, it's rape. Same as a woman shaming her husband into it. Rape goes both ways, I am a supporter of the enthusiastic consent standard. If they aren't really wanting sex then it's rape. And yes there should be stiff consequences for it.

[I_am_repulsive]

Nobody has the right to rape someone whether or not they are married

[Dandeus]

There are some real pigs here. Rape is rape and should be punished accordingly.

[Consultant]

It's still rape. India has a big problem with this.

[jacquesvol]

Marital rape is a crime in civilized countries and even in some less civilized: en.wikipedia.org/.../Marital_rape

[singlebee]

Marital rape is a CRIME!! its not ok...

[Shaft50]

Yes, it is rape. If she doesn't consent to the act, it's an assault. Just like if he doesn't consent to a sexual act, it's rape (if the elements of sexual assault have been met, of course).

[A-Y-Y-Y--L-M-A-O]

rape: unwanted sex, without consent.
yes he can.

[DaveyBaby107]

Rape is rape but it's also rape when a woman wakes her husband up with a blowjob or riding him. People tend not to think twice when it's woman on man.

[Asker]

If you were woken up to a blowjob would you be pissed?

[DaveyBaby107]

Hell no. My girlfriend does that all the time. I love it. She'll even wake me up riding my face. She thinks it's total bullshit how people get arrested for rape in marriage. She says I can have her any time I want. I can wake her up thrusting inside her if I want. She loves it. We never ask. I walk in the door and she'll drop to her knees and give me a BJ to relax me after along day of work. If I'm showering, she climbs in and gives me BJ there. If we're on the couch, watching Netflix, I just finger her or if I'm hard I'll pull my dick out and she'll suck or climb on top.

[Jamie5225]

spousal rape is still rape. NO GO

[chnapo]

It is rape, but if wife refuses to have sex with him without logical reason, and knows he needs it, he has right to have sex. Either with her, or with somebody else.

[Nathand]

lets say i said its not rape and that the wife asked for it because she was talking back to him is it possible to get blocked by someone?

Please!

[lamborgini15]

throw a book at him and give him light punishment

[tenofthepeaks]

rape is forced sex...

if you wife is tired, or even asleep, and you bone her... well yeah, it's rape.

[plinkett]

I think women should learn to pick their husbands more wisely.

[Anonymous]

i chose option d. they may be married but it was still 100% rape. a guy doesn't have the right to rape a woman just because she is married to him. there are other roads to take. for example. if i were in a marriage where my wife was witholding sex from me for no good reason, i would simply get my sex needs fulfilled by other women. problem solved. no need to do a disgusting thing like raping someone.

[Anonymous]

What about a woman raping her husband? According to recent stats, it's equally likely.

And there's already laws about marital rape. Stop fuming over things that already have been addressed.