How seriously should confessions of feelings be taken during sex?

[sd1223]

So I had sex with him yesterday and when we were in the moment he told me he feels for me. Now this isn’t our first time having sex and when we have, he’s never expressed any kind of feelings before so this caught me by surprise. He’s not too big on expressing his feelings. I’m still going to ask him about it when I get to talk to him but I wanted to know what other people thought. Yes he is my ex too by the way. Do you think it was the sex talking or he may have actually meant it?

[weysally]

I have expressed sayings at a certain moment during sex, don't mean them only with my husband, but on occasions with others I have even used the words I love you, but meaning only the sex side of it, but through that peaking moment hell who cares

[HollyK21]

Why’d you break up? Have you split more than once in the past?

[sd1223]

He was having a lot of self issues at the time, harping on something that he shouldn’t have. He took my v card and although it was my decision to give it to him, he was worried about what my fam would say since I told him what kind of background I come from. There was the distance too we stay about an hour from each other.

[HollyK21]

Gotcha. I’m mostly asking this because despite wondering if he meant what he said about his feelings, would pursuing things romantically again be any more practical than it was last time? Self issues (if you mean mental issues as opposed to things not going right in his life) are usually based around traits you spend your whole life developing, and are part of you. It takes a lot of time, work, and motivation to reverse these things and make changes in a real way. Not saying he can’t do it, but has he had the time and actively shown you that those issues would not come into play in the future. Then with the distance, would there be a workaround for that now? These are just things to consider, because even if he meant what he said, it won’t matter if you’d only end up right back in what broke you up before.

[sd1223]

So by self issues, ok so he felt that he didn’t need to be with anyone, he didn’t think what we were doing was right since we both come from religious backgrounds and then there’s what I told you previously. This was all almost 2 years ago and he has been with someone briefly and it didn’t work out with her, she’s still in his life not as his girlfriend though, but after he told me things weren’t working with her, he said he wanted to take a break from anything serious. So we aren’t necessarily in the same place that we were 2 years ago. As far as the distance, I’m living on my now so I can come and see him pretty much whenever which was something we didn’t have when we were together. I just don’t know if really meant what he said, I’d like to ask him.

[HollyK21]

Not bad! A conversation about all that would definitely be good. I would feel a slight concern about his thought process, like him feeling like what you’re doing isn’t right. If that is a prominent worry for him back then, I’d want to be certain it isn’t anymore. If it’s not then you guys would be good, especially if the distance is no longer an issue as well..

[sd1223]

Yeah so I don't know at this point. Even when he was messing with the other girl, he would come to me about it for whatever reason. I just feel like if he were all about her like he said he loved her at the time, why come back to me for anything? He said that she doesn’t know he wanted to see me because she’s not his girlfriend. But he told me that she was still in his life not as a girlfriend. So that tells me what he feels for her to an extent. He wouldn’t be giving me the time of day if he loved her or was all about her and wasn’t in love with me.

[HollyK21]

Hmm, to be honest that seems very indecisive on his end. To be dealing with you both in a romantic way just seems like he’s not committing based on his feelings of doing something wrong. If that is a prominent concern of his, then will he always straddle the line between you two because of his religious beliefs? If I were you, I’d want that clarified.

[sd1223]

I have to keep in mind too that he said he wanted to take a break from anything serious so that’s why I think he’s kind of playing the field with both of us. He’s not cheating so if this is what he wants to do for now then it’s what it is for right now.

[HollyK21]

Very true, he’s acting as a single person, but if he’s going to start involving serious feelings he’ll definitely have to make a choice lol. Do you feel like you’re looking for something serious? Or just going with it for now?

[sd1223]

I’m kind of just going with what he wants right now. He knows how I feel and if he decides I’m who he wants to be with again he’ll make that known. I don’t want to push him. When he makes that decision I want for it to be because that’s what he truly wants and not because that’s just what I want. He told me he did tell the other girl that I would make a good wife. He said it came up because they were talking about each other’s past, but that she did get jealous and asked him why he wasn’t with me then. And he’s told me that before himself about me being a special girl, making a good wife, and it not being many girls like me.

[HollyK21]

I totally agree, you want the decision to be his, not something you really pushed for and that’s very mature. Hopefully you two have a good discussion, just be sure that he doesn’t string you along in any way or act too indecisive. Because you know what want, so it wouldn’t be fair to yourself waiting for him to choose you. I think you also mentioned you’re keeping your options open as well so that’s good, you won’t be solely focused on that situation.

[sd1223]

Well I was keeping my options open until the guy ghosted, he just wanted one thing. Oh and I got to ask him about the comment he made and he didn’t remember saying it so he says. He said maybe he said something else and I thought that’s what he said. No I heard that clear as day because I repeated it and he said yes. But he claims to not remember saying it. I’m like interesting….🤔🤔🤔 So I don’t know what to make of it I think he does know what I’m talking about but didn’t want to maybe admit full on that he still has feelings.

[Wise4myage]

I think he actually meant it, but what was your gut feeling?

[sd1223]

I felt like he meant it too but when I asked him about it he didn’t know what I was talking about remember saying it, so he says.

[Wise4myage]

That's a lame reply, was he drunk when he said it?

[sd1223]

No that’s the crazy part but I know what I heard. He said maybe he said something else and I thought that’s what he said. I know what I heard I think he doesn’t want to admit to it. Then on top of that, that’s not something that he says when we’re intimate either. This is the first time he’s said something like this especially during that especially.

[Wise4myage]

Ask him about it again.

[sd1223]

What if he says the same thing?

[Wise4myage]

Then believe him.

[sd1223]

Got it well thank you for answering! I talked to one of my friends about it and she thought maybe he wasn’t ready to confess to me yet so he said that he didn’t say it for that reason.