How soon do you discuss sexual kinks with the person you are dating?

How soon do you discuss sexual kinks with the person you are dating?
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Superb Opinion

  • Omg. This topic is on the dot! I was with the guy I'm seeing last night (we have been seeing each other once a month for 5 months. We have our own full time jobs and personal time.) and he told me he never tried bondages. That topic came up because the lingerie I was wearing looked like bondage. So when he told me about it, my reaction was 😳😳😳😳. I thought I heard it wrong until he repeated himself again. So I said, "Really? U haven't?" In my mind I was like...😈😈😈"oh yeah this guy is going to be my new toy" 😈😈😈 He replied and said "no." So I said to him "oh we are going to have fun for sure. Do u have a tie?" He said "yes." So I said to him "next time, we are going to use that and I will show u how this is going to work😘). It sparks his interest, and is down to try something new.

    Yep, that's my story and to answer the question. It can be any time when it comes to conversations. It's never too soon to discuss it. Sex is always a great topic to talk about because u also get to know the person in the bedroom.

    • I have LOTS of ties! And some wide, soft rope in convenient 5 and 10 foot pieces, and - - - - That was certainly a good way to broach the subject- just blend it into "normal" living. Watching a Mummy Movie? Ask how they think it would be to be a mummy- just happen to have your elastic bandages and duct tape near by - - - - - etc

    • 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I gotta start off slow with my dude. Every time I see him. It will progress the temptation 😉. Like couple of months ago. Homeboy still have his Christmas tree in the month of February🤦🏻‍♀️. He was procrastinating to put away the tree. I have been mentioning it to him since new years day. So I said "okay, let's make a deal. U put away the tree. I will wear this (showed him the lingerie *not wearing it* aka the bondage lookin one) the next time I see u." He said its a a fair deal. Two weeks later he messaged me saying he put away the tree. Hence why I saw him the other day. He got his reward 😉 once things are better it's going to be more. For now, we are gonna take it slow.

    • He may have put his tree away, but it sounds like you will have him "pitching his tent" in a few months.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • This could be a fun first date topic, actually. I see dating as an opportunity to learn about a person, so if they are comfortable with sharing something that intimate, I'm fine with it. I think one major factor that people don't seem to understand when seeking intimacy is that intimacy is a result of sharing yourself, being shared with, accepting and being accepted. There are basically two things that can muck up that formula:

    1. Not accepting/being accepted.
    2. Not sharing, or not sharing honestly. (a. k. a. presenting a "best version" of yourself that is a far cry from who you actually are, in an attempt to win acceptance. The result is often you have "won" acceptance for being someone you are not, which is an empty victory. Like getting a prize for best photo or essay when you plagiarized the material. It has actually nothing to do with you.)

    To that end, there is really nothing to be lost by being as open and honest as possible. The worst that could happen is this person isn't your jam, and you aren't theirs, and you find out sooner rather than later after wasting a bunch of your mutual time and energy.

    • Yeah I completely agree with this.

  • It depends on how I met them. A lot of my friends are from the BDSM community, and so most people from that group are much more open about those things, and it tends to get discussed very early on - even before you start dating in most cases.

    If it's a "civilian" (LOL), then I will at least mention being a Dominant early on, and I will let them ask questions and go from there. If she wants to talk about it in depth, we do, and if she is unsure and isn't ready to talk about it, then we wait a while (all this is BEFORE we have committed to a relationship).

    Building openness and trust is a big part of what I do, so if we've gotten that far, most girls tend to be pretty open to talking about this stuff.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Discuss, I think the sooner the better so you don't wind up in a relationship with someone you're not sexually compatible with.Act on it-when the level of trust and comfort and bond is there and you know they're into you and not just the sex or the sex kinks... There's things I'll do, but I don't do with just anyone

    • Well I agree that kinks aren't very good with someone you DON'T trust.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • If you’re sexually compatible, you can start introducing them to each other straight away.
    If it’s something you feel you have to discuss, anytime after you start having sex should be fine

  • Within the first month. We need to know we're in the same ballpark with sexual compatibility. I set my boundaries upfront so if we're not into the same thing, we can not waste each other's time.

    If she's on board, we'd continue dating from there. No compromises let's make sure we're what each other wants in bed as well as out of the bed.

  • I’ve only been in two sexual relationships. In the first, we didn’t. In the second, I was so comfortable with him, although we waited 6 mos before we had sex, we were discussing sex at about month 3! There was (is), we’re still together, something about him that made me feel completely comfortable and unrestrained! It’s one of the reasons that I love him so much!

  • It's something I start to discuss pretty early with the person I'm dating, but only if they seem trustable. However, it's not something I act upon just as fast.

  • Shortly after I take him to visit my granddaddy's farm, and I show him the hranding iron. . . ,

  • It all varies, depends on when the conversation comes up naturally. It can be before we get sexual, it can be after.

  • For me, the discussion has to happen pretty early on and especially before having sex with the person. Compatibility is important, as is both of us enjoying what we do and try.

  • I start this topic of first date.
    If he doesn't change the topic and doesn't run away, I'll do.

  • I need to know we are sexually compatible, so right away.
    My boyfriend is very happy with the kinks I have & vice versa. Plus we are both sexually adventurous, so almost nothing is off the table for us.

  • Considering that I don't generally date vanilla guys, I either already know or it's coming up at dinner.

    • what does vanilla mean. I am an Italian guy that's why I don't know sorry :) @jessacat83

    • No worries, @leonisca Vanilla means someone who is not into kinky stuff, bdsm, etc

    • oh I see now. @jessacat83 May I follow you? I'm kind of new here :)

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  • I would drop hints and maybe bring up topics that were kind of close to the kinks you are interested in. If your date is open minded, they might like to talk about the different things that float your boat. If not, you will know right away what you can talk about and what you will have to keep hidden deep in your closet.

  • If you are seeking a relationship, then as soon as it is safe, and before having sex. If the person is initially unreceptive there's no need to go into detail. Waiting until you've been seeing someone for some months is a mistake. If it's important to you and they aren't receptive then you have wasted their time and yours.

  • Date 1 or earlier.

  • Depends on the person really

  • After the third time of sex. That's going to be a tipping point anyway.

  • As soon as we get sexual.

  • Asap my dude!

  • When we start having sex.

  • I think it took us 2 or 3 minths

  • Only when we've been out like 10times and are looking serious, and after at least the second time having Sex

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