How To Be A Catfish and Not Get Busted... until a few months later

I was browsing my past questions when I found the ‘Should I do a mytake on ‘How to be a catfish?’

And the majority answered yes, so here it is.

Yes, I know my introduction sucks. Just suck it, you bloody fake failed catfishes -.-

1. Name

"Catfish. Feel free to call me Cat. Or Fish."

Yes. Name is important when you want to hide your catfishiness. Who the fuck used username ‘horny247’ or ‘girllikesitbig’ on friendly forum like GaG? Use your logic for a bit. Would you use such a ridiculous name for your kid?

Picking a username for yourself on internet is like naming your baby. Why would you use such a porn star name for your baby like one of the Kardashians?

Use your brain sometimes. Don’t let it rot inside your head.

2. Don’t overly pushy on sexual questions

‘How did you lose your virginity? Who was it? Were you happy? Share the details.’

Newsflash. We’re not helping you to jerk off. Even if you’re a pink circle with supposedly ‘legit girls’ label, we will not indulge you with the details.

You have porn for it. Go google.

3. Too much tits, ass and horniness

No sane human will do this. Teasing, yes. Completely giving yourself out for free as fapping materials – only idiots and perverts and catfishes do that. Legit users don’t. We do troll, however. Keep some of them to yourself. And if you’re planning to steal the image from the Instagram or Google, credit their owners.

We’re not big on plagiarisms and stealing property.

4. Everything is not all rainbows and sunshine

"AWW."

Having a lot of followers help with your catfishing. Having a lot of followers with obscene pictures, disputable opinions, shady questions – that does not help. You are allowed to be curious, but there’s a line to curiosity. Repetitively asking fetishes questions, sexual questions, HDIL with tits and ass and fake description – none of them helping you to become legit users.

Some users are helpful by being a troll. Some users are helpful because they’re nice. Some users are helpful because they shut up. A variety of users as your followers and following you will help building you as a person on the internet.

Then again, good luck with it. Some users are picky on who to follow and to be followed by. I’m not. I have Elsa. ‘She’ can freeze you if you used such a fucked up profile picture. Like a certain someone *cough*

5. Don't oversell yourself

Catfishes got catfished ;0
Catfishes got catfished ;0

You have Ferrari? Cool

A mansion that faced the Indiana Ocean? Perfect

Partying with Victoria Secret's models every night? Okay

You're a female even when we think you're not? We still don't *shrugs*

Where's the proof?

Better have a godly photoshop skills if you're planning to lie excessively. Or genie. Or a talking cat.

I guess, that’s all. My last advice would be : Be smart, use brain. Don’t use your dick. And don’t be a dick.

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  • I take my hat off to you. Plenty of stuff in here that I'd never thought about, and just goes to show how valuable it is to have a female perspective on this kind of thing.

    Like you, I still struggle to really 'get' why so many people are taken in by these pathetic inventions. It's a life lesson, I suppose, but still...

    Congratulations on a very insightful and valuable Take! :)

    • You're always too kind :) I forgot to add about underage asking sexual questions. That's definitely a red flag too. Bad news is they'll wise up and be a better catfish... or not 😅

  • Still dono what you look like 😌. Robot or Non-Asian looking girl/guy?

    • Why not both?~