How to be more of a brat and please your dom via long distance?

[Anonymous]

I’m very new to the sub/dom dynamic. I had no idea I’d be so into in. My dom and I started off as friend and then some flirting happened and eventually sex. We’re not going to date, we’re strictly staying friends with benefits. He is in fact my second sexual partner, so I’m still new to sex as well. We’ve only done it three times and he’s has way more partners than me. Our kinks involve knife play, wax, ice, ropes, spanking, choking, growling, praise, handcuffs, and lots of biting. Sadly, not all of the kinks above have been played out because it is long distance ( 7 hour drive give or take). I don’t want things to get boring for him. My two most used comebacks are “make me! Oh wait, you can’t!” And “what time?” When he says fuck you. I used to call him good boy but he mentioned once that it’s annoying so I stopped. He’ll call me kitty and threaten to get me a collar ever since I told him the dreams I have. I’m not into degrading or comfortable sending pics. I love riling him up at any opportunity but I care enough to not do it 24/7 and attempt at regular conversation (which is hard cause due to the texting patterns and finding a topic to discuss. We met through a mutual friend and we’ve always been long distance friends). Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Noticing what he’s into is important, and then play on that. You’re basically going to be doing RP, since you’re long distance. With my Dom, the main focus is making him c*m, almost whenever I want (I am respectful of his irl schedule), so I play the biggest on begging him to stroke himself for me. If he doesn’t, or acts bored, I make him feel like I’ll be very upset if he won’t do it, because he wants me happy. With that stuff timing is everything. I mean if he’s working or something he obviously can’t stroke himself lol. Anyway, Don’t forget to remain in the role of his bbg (in a non weird way), like don’t get too dominant and take away his power - because then he’s not your dom anymore and for girls like me that ruins everything. You should also FaceTime when you can and send photos to match your RP, if you can’t FaceTime. My biggest advice is not to force it. Everything must come naturally, or else saying those things become awkward for you both and laughable. Don’t push yourself to say and do things in order to keep him either, if you aren’t comfortable at any point, because it shows and that’s embarrassing, one of the delicate things about this sort of dynamic though, is that when it’s done, it’s done. There isn’t love or any of that to keep you together since your relationship is not romantic, so you have to proceed with the knowledge that it WILL end, at some point, and be ok with it. If you can’t detach emotionally from this relationship then I cannot stress enough that this is not for you and there is NO shame in that.

[Opinion Owner]

I guess my feedback sucked lol nvm.

[ChrisMaster69]

I read through that and cringed with a lot of red flags and real concern.

As a sub, you choose and decide the kinks that YOU are in to, the ones you want to experience. The Dom does not as such simply use you to explore their kinks, that way lies abuse and mental harm.

knife play for a beginner is fucking stupid and very irresponsible for any Dom to do with someone new to the scene.

Also the comment about collaring degrades the entire process when mentioned like that as it’s a major moment in time between a Dom and sub, when the sub offers to be collard, it’s symbolic within BDSM.

[Asker]

Knife play was fucking great! I asked and he delivered actually. The kinks i listed are what we’re both into so everything we do is consensual. He always makes sure that I’m comfortable and doesn’t do anything I don’t like. The collaring is kinda weird. I had a dream he did it to me, I told him, and now he teases me with that simple fact. He won’t do it unless I ask (yes, we talked about it seriously). Verbal degradation is what I’m not into, I probably should have been more clear

[ChrisMaster69]

What has he told you about sub drop, aftercare?

[Asker]

The aftercare is him giving my legs a massage and asking if I’m alright. He’s never fully gone all out on me to where I can’t move because we simply don’t have a lot of time together. Because of that I simply walk it off and we shower/cuddle together for a bit then go hang out with our friends

[ChrisMaster69]

Aftercare as in emotional. by the way I am only commenting as I’ve been active as a Dom for about 20 years and too many people think the Dom controls the relationship, whereas it’s actually the sub…

[Asker]

Because we’re friends, im not trying to have an emotional attachment to him. I did crush on him at one point but realized things wouldn’t work out. On that note, I always feel safe with him before, during and after. After I let him know that I feel ok, we do our own thing and fall back into the role of friends. It’s not until I leave that I tell him how good I felt and ask what could have been better, stuff like that because I am still shy

[ChrisMaster69]

@ Pretty Pink Anon thank you for MHG most appreciated