How to deal with my 14 year old son?

[Anonymous]

The basics? His mom said she found some rather violent porn on his desktop.

Then it seems her husband’s daughter saw him masturbating to the photos of his teacher and he was using his phone to video the act.

Then she said she saw on his phone that he had several photos of himself naked and that he had shared it. Also she found some rather saucy conversations he was having which were very sexual in nature.

i was surprised but it seems he doesn’t lock his phone as if he wanted someone to discover what he was up to.

His mom asked me to talk to him about it.

Question? What should I even ask or say to him?

[DonkeyDan]

I think you need to have a chat with him about what is acceptable and what isn't, also talk about boundaries. Explain that you have heard what he's been doing as it has been found on his phone and PC and that it really isn't acceptable at his age. Don't shame him about it though, that is the fastest way to scar a child into being afraid of sex and thinking masturbation is a sin.
Just have a rational father to son conversation about sex and controlling himself towards others, and safety concerns of sharing images of himself online. Also how to safely use porn in moderation. At the end if the day he is a 14 year old boy, he is going to do this stuff anyway but he needs to learn where the boundaries lay before he gets gimself into trouble or starts picking up harmful habits and bad behaviour. Don't make it a lecture though as he won't pay any attention to it, teens never listern when they are being lectured.

[DonkeyDan]

Thanks for the MHO

[joeldalton]

You explain to him that you know what he's done. That he's committing a very serious crime of distributing child pornography. You will get his phone and desktop and go through every picture and app and remove the offensive content. You will forbid him to have his phone and desktop for a month. Good behavior will get it back. You will then link his phone to yours so that everything he does you can see. He will give you every password that you will monitor on his phone.

Tell him that you understand he needs to masturbate but it will be done in the privacy of his room where his stepsister can't see him.

[Anonymous]

I trally don’t understand what all you perverted men get out of posting made up stories like these asking for advise on made up perverted scenarios, usually revolving a family member too as it wasn’t f-up in the first place you got to add that as well. You really have these disgusting sick fantasies or fetishes or what. Get help. Masturbating to advice on how to address ones family members (in this case even underage family member!) about sexual things is not normal. Disturbing. Doesn’t matter that the family member, in this case son, is just as made up as the story, it’s just sick.

[pixie215]

very simple act like a parent and have a talk then take his phone away since he can't use it properly

[SnakeBoop]

shared where? if he's sending it to others, he's distributing child pornography. even if its of himself.
this sounds trolly, or if not, i'd honestly forward to the police for a intervention they can help with. there's multiple laws that are probably involved in this.

[Asker]

Well he doesn’t live in a country where that’s considered law. It was shared using an instant messaging app, Dont know who he sent it to.

[EmmaMary]

So you and his mother are divorced.

[Asker]

Never married

[EmmaMary]

But this is your son, correct?

[Asker]

Yes though I usually only see him once or twice per year as we don’t live on the same continent.

[EmmaMary]

Well that makes a lot of sense! smh

[Agape93]

@PrettyPriya