How to deal with parents that are surprisingly revealing some pronounced racists personality traits all because my boyfriend is "not white"?

I'm dating an East Indian man. He's well educated, well brought up, etc.

They act as if I am sinning. In fact, this morning, my mother said I should stop considering this N***** (comically is my cousin's married to someone from Africa who is very dark).

To say I am disappointed - I never assumed they were racists what when they have had minority friends, been invited to other countries by colleagues, etc. - is an understatement.

I'm an educated woman who never acts or dresses revealingly. I am very intelligent. I find this guy is one of the few that can actually keep me "engaged" (mentally) as the local white men around here are predominantly drunks, drug addicts, high school educated & little else.

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Superb Opinion

  • Dealing with racism from loved ones can be difficult and painful, but it's important to remember that their behavior is not a reflection of you or your worth. It's important to have a conversation with your parents about their comments and explain to them how their words and actions are hurtful.

    One approach you can take is to educate them about the harmful effects of racism and how it can impact individuals and communities. Share with them stories of discrimination and prejudice that you or your boyfriend may have experienced or witnessed. Encourage them to expand their worldview and embrace diversity.

    It's also important to set boundaries and make it clear that racist comments and behavior will not be tolerated. Let your parents know that their words are hurtful and unacceptable, and that you will not tolerate them. If necessary, limit your interactions with them until they are able to respect your boundaries and beliefs.

    Finally, seek support from others who understand what you're going through. Talk to friends or family members who can offer a listening ear and emotional support. Consider seeking counseling or therapy to help you cope with the emotional impact of your parents' racism.

    Remember, you have the right to love whomever you choose, and you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Stand up for yourself and your beliefs, and don't let anyone make you feel ashamed of who you are or who you love.

Most Helpful Guy

  • When it comes to trolls online, it is easy to dismiss crazy fruitcake posters as racist.

    But when it comes to the reality of family and friends, I think we need to be open and try to take time to listen and educate.

    I don't know why your mother would refer to him as an n word. That's pretty ignorant. But maybe this is a concern over culture. . . and not race. I mean, she knows he is Indian and not "Black", correct?

    • She does, that's what frustrates me. And he's well educated, etc. It's not like he's, to be extremely blunt, from the ghettos of Mumbai. His family is not affluent but he has driven himself extremely hard to get very far. I don't care for such things - I've been to India many times before ever meeting him - as money it's more his personality & intelligence that attracted me.

    • It is so weird. Because you see that he has done so much to overcome obstacles to make himself into an educated successful person. But then they don't see the similarities in cultural values. Those values make him a better fit for the family than other people. It is really hard to understand racist perspectives, because they are so nonsensical and hypocritical. And all racist folks seem to be capable of saying is. . ."you know what I mean". Yeah, I don't get this one at all. Good luck. I hope your family comes around.

    • "nonsensical and hypocritical" Exactly. Neither of them will admit to being racists. When called out on more subversive behavior they'll automatically deny they're racists. But their actions are racist - when I didn't have my car once & asked for a lift to meet a friend for coffee (was visiting parents for holidays) they originally said yes and then went back on their word (on learning she was Indian). I work in an industry where I have been exposed to all sorts of ethnicities for many years so I don't "see" color. I am always curious in learning about others so that helps - it's why I've been invited to many (Egypt, India, Thailand, etc.) countries by colleagues

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Be real with them. Tell them you do not appreciate them making jokes at his expense and that he's a good man that you've chosen. Also to keep any nasty thoughts to themselves. I can understand maybe cultural issues, but they really shouldn't be like this.

  • your mother's a fucking idiot if she can't distinguish between a n***** and a sandn***** she needs to educate herself better before making stupid ignorant racist comments which aren't accurate at all.

    • Fuck off and suck a donkey's dick you piece of shit.