How to gain my self esteem back after being used for sex and before that cheated on? I am feeling like a trash?

0 2

Superb Opinion

  • @deimy, I'm so sorry this happened. That sucks. Your feelings are valid. I hope it goes without saying: you are not trash. You may feel that way, and, again, that feeling is valid, but you aren't trash. Also, despite what anyone may tell you, you aren't trash for having sex. As for self esteem, here are my suggestions, divided up into (1) your actual encounter with that person and (2) other stuff that you have total control over. From your encounter: focus on what was good. Whatever parts felt great or you enjoyed then say to yourself, that was good. It's like a meal where the cheeseburger is amazing but the fries are cold. You appreciate the cheeseburger and actively remember that. For you: remind yourself of all the things you are good at. It can be the smallest thing (you make your bed every morning or you're really good at braiding hair) but focus on those and actively (out loud if you have to) tell yourself I am good at this. Those things will add up. The larger message hidden in all of these words is that your worth and your value aren't defined by single (or even multiple) actions or events. The whole you is a stunningly large number of attributes one of which is not that you had sex, were used for sex, or were cheated on. So, short version: think about and remember anything good from your encounter. Remind yourself of all of your good qualities. Do the fun small things that you enjoy and that bring a smile to your face. Again, I'm sorry this happened and you have my best wishes.

Most Helpful Guy

  • That sucks... you deserve better. It is time to look forward and not look in the rearview mirror. Hopefully the sex was good with the looser before he cheated. Dump him, block him and rest assured that here are still some decent guys out there that will enjoy sex, and give you some great orgasms and treat you well. Hang in there!

Most Helpful Girls

  • Next relationship you get in, be clear up front you do not want sex until a much later date. You want to take it slow, very slow... get to know each other first, spend a lot of time together, that there is no rush.

    I'd wait at least six months or a year. If he is faking and lying, it will be harder to keep up the façade there.

    Then watch for signs.

    As for getting your confidence back, you have to fake it until you make it.

    Confidence is one of those things, how do I get it... by having it first, then you continue to build on it.

  • I want to know where you are meeting these losers. If you stop feeding these guys hunger by giving them sex you are only going to get used and abused. Don't give in to sex. If the guy is looking for sex from you he won't stick around and move on. If he is truly into you he will be patient and stick around.

    • Hey that guy who used for sex manipulated me and lied that he likes me, wants family

    • You need to be less needy/desperate and so in a hurry for a relationship, and instead, be more discerning as to their motive. If they are in a hurry to have sex you might see that that is all they are after. Guys will tell you anything you want to hear to achieve their goal. I would have figured you had learned this by now..

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 5
  • Focus on yourself, and learn to vet men better.
    Establish the relationship before having sex.

  • your not trash, ans to be used for sex ideal, being a victim of somebodies narcissistic behaviors should not
    make you feel bad. you are worthy of love ans true affection.

  • I'm sorry you have to go through it. It definitely takes time. Remember how you feel matters and focus on self care.

  • I know exactly how you feel... every major girlfriend I ever had cheated on me.. it's a long road to recovery with a few bumps in it from to time.. unfortunately everyone is different so I don't have a definitive answers for you. For me it was going to the gym and getting in shape really helped me.

  • Why not think that you are so hot so a lot will want sex from you?