How to gain sexual confidence?

How can I a person with limited sexual experience/encounters gain sexual confidence and loose some of my inhibitions? l have an amazing, patience and wonderful boyfriend. I've told him I don't have much experience (I haven't gone into specifics) and lack confidence. He said that he hoped he could give me the confidence I need to get out of my shell. Its not him at all, slowly although very slowly I am getting more confidence however it's those voices in your head that overcoming sense of fear "what if I mess up, what if I do it wrong?" I want to learn not to take sex so seriously, learn to laugh at myself and not worry so much about technique, blah, blah even as I write this I'm like "for goodness sakes this is so trivial" but in the moment that sass evaporates. I guess I'd like to learn how to deal with it, coping techniques. How to be and feel confident. if anyone can relate. Thanks.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • You gain confidence in small increments. First, are you comfortable being nude around your boyfriend? If not, announce that one weekend morning, you are both going to be naked for 3 or 4 hours. Stay in bed and read the newspaper together naked, or browse the 'net, or whatever non-sexual activity you might otherwise do at home on the weekend.

    Take turns allowing your partner to examine your naked body with all the lights on, for as long as they want, no square inch of your body off limits. That is step 1. When you are comfortable with that, message me and I'll recommend a next step.

    • Thank you for your comments. You're absolutely correct, you do gain confidence in small increments and I have. A few months ago I wouldn't have thought I'd be comfortable naked around him and now I am. My lack of experience in not having done certain things before makes me reluctant to do those things over a fear that I won't "do it right" I know these are minor and once conquered I'll hopefully look back and laugh but still it plays on your mind... I know he won't care it's just me, for example he wants me to get ontop and I never have. I just want to learn how/coping mechanism to get over myself and not take everything so seriously. Hopefully you can help, thanks.

    • One key to confidence is relaxing in bed. In the past, I have at times told my partner a joke when we were still getting undressed. It lightened the mood and there is something about laughter that tends to send anxiety into exile.

  • Do it more to gather experience, learn from mistakes and successes, be open minded to criticism, and build an opinion.

    stronger the evidence that supports the opinion, the more resilient it is to insults/degrading comments. the more self-esteem you will have.

    or you can try the feminist way of being confident. just lie to yourself a thousand times and you will believe it. And when your self-esteem is attacked you call the authorities and request "safe spaces".

    There you go. Take a pick. Apply the same formula to other parts of your life.

    • Thank you. Wise words!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Have lots of sex so you can boost your XP thus leveling up in sexual confidence.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • You are doing fine. Don't worry. Confidence will come with time and, if you think about it, the only person to whom this should matter is just you and your boyfriend. If he is fine, then there's no pressure and you will simply get better with time. Ironically, you are in a near-ideal situation.

  • Really, all you need to do "to gain confidence" is to stop judging yourself harshly and stop consciously thinking you have to do things right. If you don't question yourself as much, you won't be as insecure about it.

    • I agree☝ Plus keep in mind that he too was inexperienced at first. So everyone s gonna start from somewhere :) And you really need to be comfortable with your partner to the point where you ll trust he won t mock you in anything. Only then will you let go and become more chill about it.

    • Thanks, that is true, it's just leaning how lol

    • Actually, you would think NOT doing something you are used to doing is easier than learning to do something new, but you would be wrong. Habits are more difficult to get rid of than to form, and that goes for doubting oneself.

  • Believe in yourself I believe you!

    • Lol, thank you 😊