How To Get My Boyfriend To Be A Little Rougher?

Question

I’ve begun dating someone who has been single for several years. During that time, he didn’t have sex with anyone so he’s admittedly a little insecure and “rusty” (as he puts it). On top of that, he’s an overall shy person, which is evident during sex. He’s very gentle and respectful, which is great, but I’m more into having things a bit rough. I’m not saying I want him to spit in my face or call me names or anything (not my personal preference), but I would like him to maybe like grab my neck, pull my hair, and slap my butt every once in a while. I don’t want to freak him out or make him think I’m not satisfied. I honestly am okay with how things are, but I wouldn’t mind all that stuff happening every once in a while.
Has anyone ever had a completely different sexual style than their partner? How did you bring up your wants/needs? I’m a very open person but he’s extremely timid and I’ve never been with anyone like him before. I don’t know how to say “could you choke me and slap me around a little?” without scaring him.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Maybe you should try being a little rougher with him instead? Some guys don't like the feeling of being aggressive in a one-sided and unprovoked, total male-domineering kind of way. If you would play a more aggressive and less passive role then it might inspire him to do the same, and you might find it to be more of a turn-on than you think if you try it this way.

SarahsSummer · Accepted Answer

I think it starts with communication and positive reinforcement. If he does anything even mildly “rougher” than the norm, tell him how much you loved that and add, “you can even be more forceful if you want, I’m sure I’d love it”

SAW2814 · Accepted Answer

Next time you have sex, just ask him to do the tamer stuff, like the hair pulling and spanking.

If you want to be choked, just grab his hand and put it around your throat. If he immediately pulls his hand alway, he may be a lost cause.

I don't mean dump him, unless you're REALLY not satisfied, but you may have to make do with what you get

AustinMan · Accepted Answer

Are these helpful?

Logorithim · Answer

He may not be comfortable with it period, but you can try explicitly orderi g hom to slap your butt and other things. He may did it then and who knows maybe he'll enjoy it.

Berethor · Answer

It's not only about shyness, he might don't want to looks like an thug with a girl.

boggboss · Answer

It's hard if he is not that way inclined for me chocking and slapping took me out off the moment I can do biting but the other 2 turned me off

aa180 · Answer

@tom122727 see how women love getting choked?

genericname85 · Answer

maybe try teasing him and see how he reacts. if that doesn't help, be precise in articulating what exactly you want while you want it.

buttcrackjoe · Answer

I would bring this up while in the final throes of orgasm, just when he's about to peak out and at his manliest yell at him to smack your ass, demand it! While rewarding him with a “yea baby just like that, harder” same for the neck grabbing. That way it seems like you change into a dirty nympho in the heat of the moment which will give him a hint in a more subtle way than say a discussion over tea.

outside_Toronto · Answer

Punch him in the face and tell him to stop being a pussy

OjaeNova · Answer

Who has the vagina in this relationship aha

Kiran_Yagami · Answer

Expecting a beta to act like an alpha in bed is like expecting a career criminal not to steal from an open register. People don't randomly change because of sex or any other situation. They are what they are, and if your boyfriend doesn't have it in him then you aren't going to somehow force it out.