How to get over performance anxiety?

[Anonymous]

Is it possible? I have only been on top a few times and I can't do it because I'm too nervous and I guess I don't know what to do because what comes naturally to me is the wrong way. It all started when I was a teen and my boyfriend told me that I wasn't doing it right, he said I have to go straight up and down really fast. But I wanted to go forward and backward or just kind of around like however. But I can't just go straight up and down really fast how can I even do that? So now I won't do it because I'm too scared that it will be wrong. Help.

[AustinMan]

I voted for B and here's in part why:

Cowgirl tips
Here’s the way I have found, with the help of a very cooperative girlfriend, that a woman can ride her man all the way up the mountain to multiple, increasing powerful orgasms and ultimately, squirting.
• He needs to understand that he can help with this position by grabbing her hips and helping her move. At first, leave to her own devices but as she gets more and more aroused, he should become stronger and more and more forceful in moving her back and forth.
• Put him on his back and mount up with you on your knees.
• Slide him in and settle in so you’re comfortable.
• Rock like you’re riding a horse, slowly at first and faster as you get more aroused.
• When you’re ready for him to help, reach down and put his hands on your hips. For effect, you can beg him in your sexy slut voice to help you.
• When you start to get close to cumming, move like you’re trying your best to break that thing off. Of course, you won’t but the point is to not hold back. Just go crazy.
• When you’re right on the edge, tell him to do you. He thrusts up as powerfully as he can and holds it with you impaled as deeply on his cock as possible, perched on his erection. He also forcefully tilts his hips and slams his shaft into your G-spot.
• As you cum, don’t even slow down. Keep going and you will cum over and over, each time increasingly intense.
• If you have The Big One, as I call it, you may very likely squirt so if there’s a gush, it’s not urine. It’s female ejaculate. Keep going until you’re completely done.
Here are a few ancillary suggestions:
• Pee first so that if you should squirt, you can be confident it’s not pee.
• If you’re into S&M, have him forcefully pinch your nipples as you’re starting to cum.
• He can slap your tits around if you’re into that. One girlfriend of mine liked to be slapped while she was up there with me telling her what a trashy slut she was for being up there in the first place.
• Some ladies like their men to reach around and smack their ass while they ride.

[Asker]

WOW that is awesome great tips thank u so much! I love this.

[AustinMan]

Will you let me know it they help in "practice," as it were? More like in combat, it sounds like. :D

[Asker]

Thanks yes :)

[async]

Its really more of a forward and back hip movement grind type thing to do it right. Hard to explain, you just have to practice, don't be nervous, everyone has to learn!

[Asker]

That's what I was doin though. And he said no that I have to do it straight up and down just like I'm on a pogo stick

[async]

Then he has no idea what he's doing.

[Asker]

I'm scared to ever try again because he made me feel like shit and I cried. So now I still feel like shit knowing that he said I was so stupid for doing it the wrong way.

[Asker]

It's interfered with relationships because I'm too scared to try because I can't move that way I don't know how it's physically possible to jump up and down like that unless I'm standing straight up

[async]

Don't let him get to you. Push it into the past and move on. Make sure the next guy is patient, caring and understanding and you'll have more fun than you thought possible.

[Asker]

Thank you so much you made my day. I'm just really nervous because I felt like such shit just even thinking about it makes me never want to have sex again I hate how mean most guys are

[async]

Sex can be easily ruined by a bad experience. But don't let it ruin it for you. After a few good experiences you'll wonder how you ever went without haha

[Asker]

Ok thanks I hope so :)

[Anonymous]

I had a guy tell me the same thing once. Fucking idiot. It still haunts me to this day thinking that Im doing it wrong and feeling way insecure. I've recently decided that Im just gonna DGAF it and that my ability to fuck is just as good as his. Don't be shy, climb aboard and have fun. Less thinking, more fucking.

[Asker]

THANK YOU omg someone understands my pain. Maybe I need to do that, just say fuck it I don't care and do it and not let myself worry and be too shy and scared.

[Opinion Owner]

Ya, I kicked that guy to the curb eventually. Now my new man loves the way I do it. Confidence in general is the biggest factor. Its completely mental. I still have confidence issues about certain things, so just remember that you're awesome and they'll love it.

[LittleSally]

The way you were doing it sounded more appealing to - I'm sure - most women who read this Q.
I don't know what he wanted... maybe his preference was what he said - and made you feel like you were an idiot for not liking the same thing...

[Asker]

Thank you! He was a virgin when we had sex, I was his first. Maybe he misunderstood how it's supposed to be or he saw someone do it a way that was different? It just made me feel really dumb.

[LittleSally]

The way he described it sounded like something his hand does,... not a person. xD

[Asker]

Hahahaha. It really does! xD

[LittleSally]

Thank you =)

[COCOCHANEL]

the first time i did it (4 years ago),
my boyfriend guided me through it
and he told me to go back and forth in a rhythm.

[Asker]

That's what I did but he said I was wrong and I have to go up and down like a pogo stick. I cried because he thought I was so stupid for going forward and backward. That was just what my instincts told me and he said my instincts are wrong.

[COCOCHANEL]

i don't know how anyone can go up and down like on a pogo stick. as it is my legs hurt from the position.

[Asker]

I know I don't get it. I can't even move like that

[Peter0]

I'm afraid your ex was a bit of a jerk, and forgot about the fact that you might like to enjoy sex, too. He was treating you like a sex toy for his amusement.

I know that for me, a woman on top going back and forth doesn't do a whole lot, sensation-wise. But I'm happy if she does it - it's not like it feels bad or anything, and I'm happy she's enjoying herself, and in a little bit, we'll shift what we're doing. So no worries, and she should go ahead and enjoy herself!

For me, when she's on top, what works best is if I'm doing most of the movement. But guys are different... So, you try something, you try something else, and you remember that it's feeling at least somewhat good for both of you involved :)

[Asker]

Oh thanks! :) yeah he just laid there and didn't move. Is the guy supposed to move? Maybe he was just lazy? Yeah he did treat me like a sex toy all the time. Thank you again

[Peter0]

Oh, corollary to "every guy is different" - there are probably some guys who will quite like your going back and forth. You don't know until you try or ask.

[Peter0]

Maybe he was lazy. Maybe trying to coordinate moving at the same time with you was too much for him. It's hard to tell. I know I'm not likely to move if she's doing that b/c of that coordination thing :p I'll play with her boobs or something ^_^

[Asker]

Hehe thank you you're so helpful :)

[Peter0]

One tries :)

[heavensgift2girls]

Your ex didn't know what he was talking about. Just because your ex liked something different doen't mean you were doing it wrong.

[Asker]

Thank you

[NJ_Casanova]

Grinding is COMPLETELY acceptible, If he wants it faster than you can do it, let him do the work, just like in Porn. Some girls like to move in a circle like with a hula hoop.

[Intraluminal]

Tell your boyfriend that up and down is more likely to break his penis. Yes, it can break, and that's how it usually happens.

[Attractive_Guy]

You are doomed.

[Asker]

Oh no. :(

[Attractive_Guy]

It's okay. Even though you are doomed it's not actually the end of your life.

[Asker]

But how am i supposed to go straight up and down? How's it even possible? I don't even know how it's physically possible to do that

[Asker]

I need to cut my legs off and jump on my stubs or something? I'm just so confused because he said I need to do it like I'm jumping on a pogo stick but how do I jump up and down when my legs are too long

[Attractive_Guy]

You need strong legs to do that up-down thing and honestly it's not even that good. But if you are to cut your legs off and jump on stubs then be sure to video-tape it to pay for the reattachment surgery because what the fuck.

[Asker]

Well I don't know what else to do! If forward and backward is wrong and I was stupid for doing it that way what else am I supposed to do. He said that's the only way and I don't know how to do it. Maybe my legs are too weak. I don't have a lot of muscle.

[Attractive_Guy]

What if, and I mean if, it's a combo of both? If you lay out atop your... object of desire and move forward and backwards pushing off of your thighs you will naturally go up. If you laid on your stomach right now and did exactly that you would feel yourself lift off the floor. It's just that.

[Asker]

Oh okay that makes sense

[Attractive_Guy]

Yeah, but you're still doomed, because I'm a negative Nancy.

[Asker]

Okay ;)

[Attractive_Guy]

How did I even end up here. . .

[Conscience_for_sale]

First you have to stop using porn as a reference for performance on bed (or elsewhere). One should move in a way that is comfortable to you and your partner. There are other positions you can try when on top.

[Asker]

So do you think that's why he said that was the only way? I was his first, we were 16. So either he was lying or he saw porn? I moved how I felt I should and he said it was the wrong way and the one right way was the straight up and down like pogo stick. Maybe we weren't compatible.

[Conscience_for_sale]

I don't think you should take it seriously because a 16 year old virgin was telling you to move right. Sex is a mutual thing. You are doing it for each other. I think the popular opinion is that you should move however it pleases you.

[Asker]

Thanks!

[Conscience_for_sale]

No problem. Don't give in to others expectations. Remember sex should be a pleasure for you too.

[Asker]

Thank you I will remember that

[jordan90]

Listen, just because you're on top doesn't mean you have to go up and down. You could just go forward and backward...

[Asker]

Yeah but that was the whole problem that's what I wanted to do and he wouldn't let me

[jordan90]

Then I guess you need a little more practice.