How to handle post affair sex?

[Anonymous]

My wife cheated on me before we got married 14 years ago (just found out a month ago). We’ve been married for 11 years with having kids after being married. We are working it out and staying together. We have not had sex yet as all I keep thinking about is another man having sex with my girl (which I know as we grew up together as kids but went different ways since high school). All I see i think about is the movies going in my head. Any advice on how to get over this?

[hellacray]

I would say divorce.

Who knows what else she can be hiding from you.

For me if I knew she did something like this behind my back over 11 years ago I would be pretty pissed.

Cheating is not something I take likely and I won't be able to trust that person ever again.

It kinda sucks tho since you have kids now which would definitely make things more complicated.

[AustinMan]

You have to forgive her and let it go. It was light years ago and it absolutely doesn't matter now. Leave it where it belongs: in the past.

[sarcasticsunshine]

Sounds like you need to talk to her about it. You obviously still have some issues about it. If you dont talk it out it will just get worse.

[Asker]

We’ve been talking about it. She said it wasn’t any good, he was small and they only had sex a few times but was taking with each other for about year. I don’t believe any of it.

[sarcasticsunshine]

Well if you dont believe her, I honestly dont know how you expect to get past it. Maybe time will help you.

[Miristheiss]

Divorce her.
Get peace.
This will bother you forever.
You will never have peace with her again.
If you know she is a cheat why do you want her?
Do you honestly think she hasn't cheates other times?
Why would you even want her?

[Twalli]

It happened 14 years ago. Get over it, since you decided not to leave her. Was she a virgin with you?

[Asker]

No she wasn’t a virgin with me but the guy has been with a lot of women since high school.

[Asker]

When you first find out about dislike cheating on you it seems like it’s current even though it was 14 years ago.

[Twalli]

Point is you don't seem to think about the guys she had before you.

[TienShenhan]

Keep talking about it but try not to get mad at her. Did you find out because she came clean, or some other way?

[Asker]

She came clean

[TienShenhan]

Thats a really good sign in my opinion. That must have been tough for her to do. Tell her you need to discuss it with her more. I've never gone to therapy myself but maybe that would help you get your sex life back on track, and more importantly forgive your wife. Is there anything you might to come clean about? Now's probably the time

[Anonymous]

You should harp on it. It happened a long time ago and you weren't married. Tragic! Obsess over this and try to make her feel guilty. If that doesn't work research the laws of homicide in your region and country. God bless.