How to make my boyfriend stop asking for this?

I am dating this amazing guy for one and a half years now and lately, he has been asking for anal. We have had v sex before but when we first done it, we didn’t use protection (both of us were virgins so no issue with diseases) and due to the chance of pregnancy, we became much more careful in this stuff. Lately due to this fear, we have been considering doing anal but there is one issue. I get turned off whenever we talk about it or think about it. Even when I see a video including it I just lose my interest it turns me off really bad. He has been insisting it now and when I said I wasn’t sure if I was gonna feel good since it turns me off he said “But even if you not get pleasure you will give me pleasure isn’t it still good?” and at that moment I was like WTF? He literally said the most selfish thing I have ever heard! If he didn’t say that I would consider it but nah I ain’t a toy! Because of what he said I want to make him stop asking for it. If he continues to ask for it I am going to consider stop having sex (not even doing oral) with him comletely buy I want to try something better to stop him. What should I do?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • He probly spends a little too much time jerking off to porn. Anybody that spends any time with porn addiction wants all manner of depraved things. Next he'll want group sex, facials, deep-throat you, or come all over you. Anal is what they like to convey as normal sex.

    But here are some fun facts about butt-sex...
    About 75-80% of long term couples try it.
    About 30-35% of women will tolerate it occasionally.
    About 10-15% of women like it a lot and will do it all the time.
    About half of guys like it, the other half thinks it's gross.
    It can be messy. If it hurts you're doing it wrong. You need a lot of lube.

    There are a bazillion nerve endings there and once associated with pleasure can produce giant orgasms, especially in conjunction with direct clitoral stimulation.

    It's not for casual encounters. And there are health risks associated.

    If you don't want to do it just say no. Don't be bullied into doing something you don't want to do. If you want to learn what it's about there are plenty of resources online.

    • Thank you for this comment and yes he always says “they do it on porn we can do it too.” I have to explain exact same things to him and how porn stars do it and how I am not one. Once he made laugh so bad with saying he wants to put it on my ass and then put it on my v then on my ass again and I was like wth what do you want get me infected and he had no idea what I was talking about. This is one of the reason I want him to stop asking for it he doesn’t know anything about it

    • Well, you're right, he's clueless. You might need to get a new boyfriend. This is a deal breaker in my book. Once it goes in the butt it doesn't go any place else. ;) And you have no obligation to it in the first place. Porn addiction is insidious. Proof positive right here.

    • But the thing is this both of us were virgins before we started dating. I know that didn’t had “that talk” with his dad too. Both of us are trying to learn it so I am telling him what is unachievable and we have a little debate about it, search it from google then end up knowing whether the thing he recommends is okay or not okay.

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  • You should tell him that there should be equal power between partners in a relationship. If you are uncomfortable with some sexual act, then he should drop the discussion until it is something you are interested in discussing.

    (I will say that it's only fair that you update him from time to time on your feelings on a specific subject. Don't leave him hanging for years wondering whether you might ever be interested in anal. If that's a total no for you, you should remind him periodically that you've at least reconsidered, decided against, and he should be respectful of your choices.) If he truly loves and respects you, he will double down on the activities that you can lovingly share in sexually.

    If he continues being an asshole, then suggest that if he loves and respects you, and you are equal partners in your sexual relationship, that you would be willing to extend some trust so long as he is, also. Tell him that you will agree to anal sex so long as he is, as well. Order a strap on online to make sure he knows you're serious. ;)

Most Helpful Girl

  • If you don't feel comfortable with it and are repulsed by it...

    Don't do it!

    Anal isn't for everyone, if you are curious about it and are willing to try...

    Spend time by yourself in the shower etc, insert your finger or vibro etc with plenty lubricant. Explore for yourself. If you still don't like it.

    Don't do it!

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 28
  • Whoa!!! He's asking you to do something mostly for him sexually. You have or will do the same things. Anal sex can be really good. What is it about it that so turns you off?

    • I am disgusted by it this is one of the reasons another reason is that I have no issue with v orgasms and I am not sure if I can orgasm from anal sex. He is natuarally not aelfish he loves seeing me orgasming this is the reason why I was shocked by him saying that

    • Does he ever do things just because he enjoys seeing you happy or joyful? I'm betting he does. This just an extension of that.

      I've been with dozens of women and they have all found they loved anal sex even though they might be opposed initially. Do it for him. I feel very confident he'll make it up to you and you might like itl

      Comfortable Anal Sex for Beginners: A Guide to the First Time ↗

    • Yes but what if I don’t like it and after we do it, what if he continually ask for anal without caring for my pleasure saying that this is the only way of a safe sex? I know he probably won’t do that but still I don’t like the idea of it. If he wants it occasionally then I will be okay but it probably going to be constant

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  • Read all the other opinions and most already say what i wanted to say so im just going to put it this way... you may not want it... but you haven't even tried it yet. And i know why you are getting turned off... Fear. I've been with many women who didn't want to try stuff and ended up liking and being the ones to ask.

    My suggestion goes two ways...
    1. seems like anal is a fetish for him, and he wants to do it with you. you can tell him to stop asking you, thereby denying him something that he really wants to do with you... BUT IF you one day hear that he had sex with someone else because she was more willing... i want you to REMEMBER this occasion... ok? REMEMBER that YOU said no.
    2. you said that what he said was selfish... maybe it was in his phrasing.. what he should have said was for you to do it for him. When i ask women for something and get denied.. i tend to remind them that that vals day expensive ass gift i got them... you think I "wanted" to do that? could have spent that money on a new console... but no... i did it FOR HER. and you should think about it too... because if both of you start denying each other things that happen in a relationship because "you dont want to"... you might as well break up with this "amazing" guy now.

    so maybe you dont want to... but he does... so do it FOR HIM.

    • Do you imply that he will cheat on me for not doing anal? This is unbelievable and disgusting dude... Are you for real? Guys like you make girls fucking insecure of guys leaving them for not wanting to do something that they are uncomfortable. And NO I am not scared of it I am disgusted by the idea of it. I am not comfortable doing that and as I am NOT doing stuff he is uncomfortable of he has no right to demand something I am uncomfortable of. Do not try to scare me off with saying he will leave me for not being able to fucking me in the ass. A man leaving for something like this is not wortht from start and thankfully, my man is not in the same mentality as you.

    • You told women to do whatever you demand because you boughf them an “expensive” gift? What are you a nice guy? People should be doing shit like this because they lıve their partner not to use it on their loved one later. This is odd

    • I feel you honey... but before i continue... i didn't say he will leave you. I said he will be banging someone else. also, lol... the nerve of you women... ".. as i am not doing stuff he is uncomfortable.." lol you fucking women... how the fuck do you know? didn't you read my previous comment about the "for her" thing? just because he doesn't bitch and say no like a female, doesn't mean what you have asked of him didn't make him uncomfortable, we just do it... cuz men have that "for her" mentality and women have that "for me" mentality... it always has to be the way THEY like it. You better be fucking glad most guys dont have my mentality... because i dont take shit from females.. i call em out. And if my girlfriend denies me of something, she better BETTER replace it with something just as good, or im searching else where. Read my article on Flipping the Script... i treat women the same way they treat men... i grew a "for me" mentality too lol.

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  • You can't change him.

    He's a closet faggot. Dumb him and get someone else.

    • What are you talking about? Closet f (I am not going to use it because it is mean)? It is not me doing him I am the receiving one in the case that I am talking about

  • The word compromise comes to mind. Think about how you can satisfy him with an alternative solution. Perhaps there's something else you're willing to do instead of anal. Maybe you're willing to do it say... Once a month if he does all the grocery shopping for example.

    There's always a way, you just have to think outside of the box.

  • My solution is this:
    Dump him and don't have sex until you're married. That way you'll be more sure that the guy loves you for you and not just for the pleasure your body gives his body.

    It's a tried and true solution, but if you keep on with the way you're doing things now, don't be surprised when you are disappointed.

  • It's your bum, it's your way or no way. He needs to accept that anal isn't your thing. And keep buying condoms and get you to want to have normal sex.

    • At first we wanted it to make it less stressful for us about pregnancy but then it turned to “I want to try it can’t we?”. He also says things like he wants to do stuff he saw from porn and I have to explain him how things he say like entering bum to puss while sex without condom will make me get infected. The answer is “but girls on porn do it” yeah cus its porn duh

    • Go buy a dildo if you don't have one and ask him to mount it and see if he likes it. That would probably stop him from keep asking.

    • I will try it if I get really desperate to find a solution because in where I am the dildos are really expensive 🤷🏻‍♀️

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  • First off, sex is a two way street so if there is something you don’t want to do then tell him. I would not hold him hostage with other sex acts as you’ll just make things worse. Just state to him that it ain’t happening now or ever and it’s not negotiable. Tell him to stop asking as he should respect your decision. Hopefully that will put an end to his asking and not force an argument or force you to “withhold” other things.

    • The thing is that I told him we may try it and when he talks to me he consistently tries to do the sexy talk but only talking about anal and once I got mad at him for it saying I was turned off right away. He stops for a short time when it happens but at the end he talks about it again. This makes me feel really bad

    • Well, by shutting it down now, you can then control the situation. Once he is shut down, then you can change your mind on your terms, when you’re ready to try it and then surprise him with it. He’ll have no idea that you may change your mind. See what I mean? 👍

    • Yes I guess I understand it thank you

  • tell him if he keeps insisting for anal sex before your willing to do it. you'll get a dildo and use it on him instead. then he'll get the anal sex of his dreams.

    I understand wanting to try something new. but overall guys who like anal more then vaginal. I view as being secretly bi or gay and they just don't know or want to admit it yet. because pretty much everyone has a butthole.

  • Hold your ground, don't give in. You don't like it, so don't do it.

    Be from, stay strong. Tell him"you don't asking you are going to kill our realationship and I'm going to break it off with you."

    Also keep saying, I don't like it and I won't do it.

  • Sex as a weapon is never a good approach. Whereas I get where you are coming from, weaponizing your intimacy will only break you two up. You might just want to end things now and carry on with a guy who has zero interest in the act that turns you off so much. Plenty of men of zero interest in anal sex.

    • True intimacy cannot be weaponized. Her mere mention of that shows the relationship is unlikely to last the long haul because it's based on ego.

  • Penetrate him.

  • Did you ever tell him that the more he asks the more you get turned off in general?

    • Yep and when I say it he stops asking for one or two days max then starts talking about it again. I get mad while repeating myself 😤

    • Why not give him something else instead? I assume he is of good intention. So ask him what you can do to him in exchange of this? Let me tell you a story about me and my girlfriend.. my ultimate fantasme is when she swallows my cum.. but she didn't like it. So after a lot of struggle we found a solution. Everytime I want it she would just turn around and let me lick her asshole. Overtime I starting actually licking her ass and gradually try to forget about her swallowing. Hope this will help

    • I can try doing that. Thank you 😊

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  • Just take pills 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️
    And dont do anal
    If you never trained before

  • Tell him about it, if you feel really uncomfortable there is no point forcing yourself to do it. If you dont want to talk abou it then try it and see how you feel, make sure you use loads of lube tho

  • Stand your ground. You aren't a toy. Give him an ultimatum if you need to. He should respect your body and sex preferences. Let him know he's overstepping his boundaries.

    • I do and he stops for a moment but then for some time maybe hours maybe days later he talks about şt again. He tries to do the sexy talk but with talking about it, he turns me off and I say it again. It has become a cycle right now.

    • great... a SJW... let me give you a hint captain female ass kisser... flip the fucking script... if it was HER that asked him for something that made him uncomfortable... and he asked on GaG... people like you are probably going to say dumb shit like "man up"... blah blah... but because its a girl... he's overstepping boundaries? people like you are the reason why these women think they can get away with whatever.

    • Cool story bro

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  • Relationship is over.
    Kick his butt out.

    • Why?

  • If you're not into it, then tell him. If he doesn't accept that and keeps asking... it's time to move on

    • The thing is that I was at first okay with trying it because I have never done it and I am not sure if it will feel good. The thing that made me mad was what he said.

    • He seems very selfish, it's your choice

    • He is not selfish about everything especially sex but in that sitıation I didn’t understand why he said something like that. Naturally he does everything he can to please me. Because of that this sentence shocked me.

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  • Well, I know he watches porn and he's just living out his porn fantasies. You have to understand that the women and men in porn are paid and are usually willing participants. So basically your boyfriend has put it in his head that he should act out these scenes on you. This is what he does not understand that you are an unwilling participant and that can equelate to rape or sexual assault. You say he's amazing but in all honestly sounds like he could care less about your sexual interests. Stop being his amazing "Cock sleeve and unscrew your god damn emotional "Amazing MAN" attitude and take a look at the goddamn sub titles of your plite and ask yourself. "He's an amazing man even though he anal rapes me and I don't enjoy it". Make your terms perfectly clear if you don't want anal then that's that. The moment you say "yes" is a reason for him to push his boundaries on you AKA "AMAZING MAN!" to see what else he can get you to do so you can serve your "AMAZING MAN!" However since he is your "AMAZING MAN!" I think you should just let him ass fuck you stupid since you or him have "no" clue what "NO" means.

  • If he wants anal so badly, give it to him. With a strapon of course.

  • Anal will not feel good unless you're willing.

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