How to make my husband understand?

[Anonymous]

My husband got a major surgery because he got appendicitis, but is been 4 weeks and he think that he can go back to normal and have sex. I’m not a sexual person, we had sex 1 time every 2 months, and I can say that this surgery help us in a certain way to not be intimate at all, I don’t like it, I’m asexual and my husband don’t understand, anyway he thinks that he can go back to normal in another 2 weeks but I read that he can go back to normal after 1 year. We are having major arguments about this, how can I make him understand?

[The1honestguy]

I'm not going to comment about the sex part. I was in a car wreck and broke everything from the neck tdown including my pelvis was in 5 pieces. I was told that I was not going to be able to get to walk again for many years because I was in critical care even put in a coma it was so bad. They brought me home in a hospital bed and I was told that they put a chair with a section to take a shit right beside me. I thought not at all what I want or will do. I had asked for and rail type of system so I can drag myself all the way to the bathroom and grab another to get to the seat to do that. I never let a doctor or read what I am capable of doing. I was in a wheelchair in a month to a walker in 6 months and back to walking in less than a year. It hurt to be on my feet and have had to redo surgery replace several metal gear through my body. It was in 2015 and I will be honest I have just finally was able to start to be running at half speed 6 months ago. Don't tell him that he can't do it if he knows that he can when you are trying to get out of having sex. You are the problem not him. Let him start having sex with other women if you won't do anything with him and know that it's bullshit the way you are thinking and doing. Don’t hold him back because of what you don’t want because the doctors told me I could not do this I cannot do this I have blown them away at the point that I got to because I had the mentality in the drive to do it let him go screw somebody else and you be happy and he can be happy and he can get out of that being not just cause he want him to stay there

[Asker]

The problem is that he can’t. He is refusing, he think he is ready, but he is mentally unstable. After that kind of surgery they are unable to have any sexual activity.

[The1honestguy]

I still can’t understand how you are the one to say he can or cannot even if he cannot that is not for you to say you can make other thoughts and opinions of your own and for you to say he’s mentally unstable I think was a very bad thing to say especially about yourself and how are you JoJo elders even if what society has decided to call who is mentally stable who is not mentally stable who is normal not normal is total BS because maybe you might be mentally unstable but in the way you think and maybe he’s stable and sane enough to stay with you that’s what I do not understand you are being one-sided you’re only thinking about yourself you’re not asking to say what can I do to help him get better or anything like that you’re saying he cannot do this he cannot do this I want to have sex with you and I don’t even like you you’re only talking about yourself think about others for a change and if you cannot take the time to reflect on yourself and try to understand that please I’m not trying to be a total asshole but you have to see it the way it is and I do not hold back from someone ask me a question I will tell them directly the truth and that is my honest opinion

[Asker]

The problem is that I can’t help him. I don’t understand why something so basic and nonsense as sex, can be a problem. Especially if he got a major surgery

[DonkeyDan]

Actually even with an open procedure on an appendectomy after about a month and with the sutures or staples removed it is safe to have sex as long as the patient feels ready to. If he had it via laparoscopic surgery it's as little as a week. I've no idea where you've read it's a year, that is totally absurd.

The fact that you are using this as a reason not to have sex with him because you are asexual is something you will need to discuss with him in greater depth, but it's ridiculous to use this fabrication as an argument for not having sex.

[Asker]

He got a laparoscopic procedure. What I read, at least one year until the scars heal

[DonkeyDan]

Scars healing and being able to exert physical strain on the operative site are two different things. You are wrong to assume this, if it was laparoscopic surgery he could have been having sex as little as one week after. Whatever you interpreted from what you read is wrong.

[OlderAndWiser]

Why did you get maried if he wants sex and you don't?

[Asker]

He don’t want. He just hate the fact that doctors told him he can’t never have sex again, they told him one year from now.

[AviatorTom]

The surgery has nothing to do with it. You don't like sex, and that's what your husband has to understand. To help him understand that, you need to talk with him and tell him exactly how you feel. Since he still enjoys sex, you'll have to come up with something where he can still be satisfied sexually. Are you okay with him masturbating? How about him havign sex with others?

Assuming your husband is near your age, you cannot deny him sexual pleasure for teh rest of his life. Maybe there's a compromise. You two have to talk.

by the way, waiting one year for sex after an appendectomy is way too long... I'd like to know where you got that, or is it just wishful thinking on your part?

[Dargil]

If I were in that situation. I would work out a routine of mutual oral. You first, then him. It will rest your heart and cause hum to want more.

[AndrésC64]

You're married, there need to be compromises. Once every couple of months is not going to be near enough for most guys. You're going to have to figure out something that works for both of you.

[Asker]

I don’t think sex is a compromise. I’m a good wife, I help him, and everything but he don’t want to accept that he can’t have sex anymore is not only about me.

[AndrésC64]

When you are in a relationship everything is a compromise. Nobody can get what that they want all the time.