How to subtly tell a guy I want to have sex with him?

So this guy and I have been dating for a month. He's too slow, keeps giving me handshakes but treating me like a princess on our dates. I want us to get it ON already. How do I ask him? I want it to be subtle.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Congratulations for your decision of making use of clever and indirect methods to achieve something. Be sure that he also will be planning to have sex with you – but waiting for some comfortable time and place, and might be afraid of you for getting rejected on taking fast action. Whether you have known your person for 10 minutes or 10 years, it is always a little bit awkward to bring sex up and get the lubes flowing. Sometimes it is as easy as sending a text message like “sex? Today?” on your way home from work or inviting him over to “watch a movie.” But at some point, you have all had to push your man into taking his pants off. If you do not want to tell your boyfriend you want to have sex directly, it might be easier to show him. Show him some pictures of animal matting or from some HOT movie. It can fire his desire strongly and my immediately jump on you. Typically prepare an ideal setting. Make sure that you have enough time and privacy to have sex. Wait until you are alone together. You may be sending signals that seem obvious to you, but he might not pick up on them. In that case, you might just have to gather your courage and tell him how you feel. Try asking him, "How do you feel about becoming more intimate with me?" Saying something like this provides him with the opportunity to take the next step or decline without too much awkwardness. Respect his answer if he says no. It is important to make sure that both of you are ready before you begin having sex. Alternatively text or call to tell him that you want to start having sex. This text will certainly grab his attention but it is casual enough that you can play it off like you were kidding, just in case he says no. Wait for a special occasion. An upcoming special occasion, like a birthday or holiday, might be a good time to tell him that you want to start having sex. Waiting until a specified date will give you time to prepare yourself and it will also make the occasion more memorable. Protect yourself. Purchase condoms and keep them on hand at all times, so that you are prepared for your first sexual encounter with your boyfriend. Store a couple in your purse. You can ask him "What do you think you will be doing within few moments?" and allow him to inspect your purse. Sex is often awkward the first time. Even if you have had sex before, it may take a few times before you and your boyfriend feels more comfortable with each other. It is perfectly normal for sex to be awkward at first.

    • I mean, I don't really like indirect methods very much, but I like that question, "How do you feel about becoming more intimate with me?". Do you think that could work if a guy said it to a girl? I would probably just try to make a move at that point, but if it won't retract from the romantic/sexual atmosphere then that question sounds even better.

    • Wow you're an expert.

    • @devilman666 When you are close friends and have talked to each other frequently - this question will work as a fire trigger and he or she will automatic understood the meaning and purpose behind it.

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  • Invite him over for a bottle of wine at your place at the end of a date alcohol helps calmn down the nerves and wine is also romantic. You can also amp up the romance by doing some classy pairings like Riesling and sushi or spicy Asian food , French Rose and Strawberies , syrah and chocolate. Girl get yourself a sexy playlist but be subtle , modern day music is a bit too raunchy so my usual slow sexy playlist is classic hits like Black Velvet and Take Me home tonight. Be more physical with him when you e making out , sit on his lap and like guide his hands to either your butt or your boobs. Also grind a little , that’s sure to give him an erection and he is sure to be more bold because alcohol is liquid confidence and he will also be reassured that you want him. This is classic seduction 101 and it’s a classy way to convey the message.

    • Such an awesome advice 👏 You sound very experienced :)

    • @SilverRain92 thank you 😊

    • Awesome!!

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  • Hmm. Subtlety might not work in your case. A lot of guys are dense when it comes to this and hate figuring out female social cues.

    I can tell you what's worked for me. You tell the guy you need to talk to him. You pull him aside and say: Look, I like you, I'm very attracted to you, and we've hung out for a while now. I'd really like to have sex with you. Please tell me what you think.

    I can almost guarantee it will get you what you want. He might have to swallow the message a little first, because girls usually aren't the ones to make the first move, but he will definitely consider it. Even if you are not having sex right there and then, this will give him the right-away to pursue you sexually. You have now set the stage.

    Have fun!

    • great answer and follow me :)

    • @haremhan Ok, follow me back :)

    • Let me Holla at you right quick...

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  • A month is fine, just breathe girl.
    Maybe he really wants you but is trying to not rush things cause he just wants to take it slow. And it's rare so appreciate it.
    Now, why don't you show some initiative? Kiss him better, get physicially closer, dance with him I don't know, get creative. Nobody needs to say I want to have sex with you. You just show it to your partner, get some lust in your eyes girl! Just show him it's ok to move to the next level. And if he doesn't get it, you gotta say something. It can be a turn on too.

Most Helpful Guys

  • First, figure out if like me he is one of the old fashioned types who will date and be as you described but holds off sex until marriage. If that's the case you have a gem, his patience is a sign he genuinely cares about you, all of you not just your sexual attraction.

    Second, find out if he's one of those beta males who is afraid to touch a woman. Many of the men I hang with act like boys and given a naked girl openly begging to have... ahem... relations they would be stunned, frozen in panic or confusion. In that case you'll have to take the lead, act like how men used to act by slowly waking them up enough to their own desire that biology can take over.

    Third, ensure he knows that it's OK to let loose. I have seen many men be terrified of even standing near a woman alone or entering am elevator with her because of the social issues that come from our hypersensitive, guilty until proven innocent, and judging society. In that case I don't know how to help because he has to have the above two things covered and trust you with his professional and social life. I for one would rather die a virgin than risk being called out on a false charge than destroys my life, reputation, career, and relationships later, the risk is small but the punishment is too great. To solve this requires him to trust you with the lives of himself and everyone he knows, kind of a bit deal to get ahold of.

    Fourth, maybe he has the other three solved and is simply engineering you to feel like this about him so when he makes his move he can be 99% sure you want him too. In this case, breathe and hold on, be genuine and show desire so that he will know the he can make his move.

    Then tell him.

  • Hard to know how to answer this. Shake hands? Really? Have you kissed yet?

    Beyond that, is it possible that he has some religious or moral objections to sex outside of marriage? Is he just trying to show you that he is a gentleman. You need to be clear on this before you try anything.

    That said, my suggestion would be to control the environment. Don't go out. Tell him you want to make a dinner for him - or watch a ball game or whatever - and have him to your place. Make it so that he is on your turf.

    Then, after dinner, make him a drink and sit on the couch, watch a movie and just kiss him several times. One of those times take it a bit further, make it a longer kiss each time - then on one of those kisses, unbutton his shirt.

    Take it from there.

    Of course, some guys like to take the initiative, so you will have to calibrate how aggressive you get. Beyond that, though, your best bet really is communication. Guys are not good at hints - unless you try what I just suggested - and the more explicit you are, the better.

    Seriously, there is honestly nothing wrong with saying, "I've really enjoyed our time together. I think you are fun, good looking and sexy. I'd like to take it to the next level if you are feeling it..." or words to that effect.

    Subtlety typically does not work with guys as we are less verbal than women. So you are either going to have to set the stage and be fairly aggressive or just put your cards on the table.

    That said, he sounds like he is trying, in his way, to be a good guy. Sounds to me like you have a keeper there. Don't miss what you've got there.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Put your hand on his crotch and get it going.

  • You don't have to say anything with words.
    Put your hand on his leg on his upper thigh. Start squeezing it a little bit at a time not far from his pleasure zone.
    If this doesn't work you will need a coroner to take him to the morgue because he's dead, or a new boy... lol

    • Perfect 👌😉😉😎

  • I asked a guy once very bluntly "do you wanna have sex" and he said very bluntly also "Yes" lol, that sounds terrible buy it is what it is and I didn't want anything serious from him, so I don't know maybe just be blunt

    • Why does that sound terroble, exactly? Two people gave consent, and then presumably had sex. Isn’t that the ideal way this is meant to go down?

    • Oh ya I have no problem with it, but u have noticed on here so many people give girls shit for saying things that sound too "slutty"

  • Body language, girl! Touch him more and put your hand on his thigh but like super close to her crotch... rub his thigh but like accidentally on purpose let your fingers go across his penis. Kiss him, whisper things in his ears..

  • sometimes subtlety doesn't work. Just tell what you want. Watch how a lot of guys talk to each other. They're really don't do a lot of subtlety.

    • Haha that's so true @KelaAshes 😂😂

    • I for one cannot always read subtle clues, if I could I'd be a lot further ahead in every part of my life than I am now. Though not all guys talk the same, watch how he interacts with people, he might be like me and be cool with a candid talk, but he may be more like the rest of the population.

  • Give him "the look." Or when you guys are making out , tell him how turned on you are. Tell him to touch you. Grab him hand and have him touch your body? Or whisper " I want you." In his ear?

  • Guys don't want women to be subtle. They want their woman to say, completely out of the blue, "hey, want to have sex?" Because they're always up for sex. (Unless they're sick or injured, or have a major project due the next day.)

  • Invite him over for a romantic date night in (at your place or at his). Set the mood with candles, mood music, good food, and possibly wine. Dress to the nines, just because you’re staying in doesn’t mean you can’t look like you’re going out.

    Touch his hand, his leg/knee during the dinner. Eat slowly and enjoy conversation and look into his eyes. Get up and dance if you want. After you have dessert, you can ask if he wants a different *dessert*. If he still is slow to respond, be blunt.

  • Hunching the arm of a couch when knowing he'll walk in should work, tbh. He'll realize you're a b***h in heat and he'll mount you.

    And then you'll have him dripping out of you when he's done. Mission accomplished.

  • Grab his crotch. Seriously. Not kidding. It's the international sign for game on.

  • The naked man

  • Speak to him with meaning hidden in your words , and arouse him with an ambivalent behaviour...
    It is the way to catch me. So simple. :-)

  • Why be subtle?

  • i dont see why you can't just tell him but if you feel you can't, then why not just kiss him then slowly put your hand down his pants, he should get the hint, just leave time for him to stop you in case he's not up for it.

  • When he's talking to you, just keep staring his eyes, with a smile ON your face. If he stops, then keep giving the stare with an added tease.. may be wink or biting your lower lip. If he doesn't stop then hold his head and get close to him.. and tease him. Then either of you has to kiss each other's lips. Then whatever he does.. don't stop him. If you feel to tease more.. keep on asking him (verbally) to stop.. someone might catch us.. etc. But don't leave him or don't stop him physically. I mean it should be visible that you're just stopping for the sake. I think that should be seductive. Then whatever he proceeds with, just keep on biting your lips or give seductive looks.

  • Don't. Just straight up tell him. He WILL NOT understand your subtlety.

    However, if he doesn't want to have sex with you, respect his decision and at least hear out his reasoning. Maybe he's had bad experiences in past relationships and doesn't want to get hurt. Maybe he was raised to take things slow with women. There could be any number of reasons why you two haven't had sex yet. Just be polite, respectful, and honest and you'll be fine.

  • How about not telling him but making a move?

    • That would work best, probably. The guy is probably extremely nervous.

  • There’s nothing subtle about it. You just need to tell him point blank

  • If you want to give him hints subtly, then id say you should try indicate your intentions through your actions. Your body language, flirt with him sort of intimately. See if he reciprocates.

  • Don't be subtle. Most men don't realise, or don't want to come off as being weird if they act on your hints. Just tell him, you're dating for Christ sakes

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