How to tell him the sex is not good?

How do you tell your partner you simply don't enjoy the sex you've been having with them? My partner is incredibly vanilla and will only try missionary and doggy to finish. There is hardly any foreplay, he just checks if I'm wet enough and that's it.

I like things a little rougher, I'm very submissive by nature so in bed as well. I just don't know how to tell him to.. try something new, to spice things up without hurting his feelings.

How would you like to be told to do better/different? Any tips or tricks?
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Superb Opinion

  • 1. Don't make this about who is at fault or who is to blame. That approach doesn't go anywhere good.

    2. You don't need to tell him how bad it is. That will simply hurt his feelings.

    3. When you are in bed, tell him what you want. Don't focus on telling what doesn't work. Instead, say "that feels good but it would feel even better if you fuck me harder" (or whatever you want him to do.)

    4. He may be interested in other things but perhaps has had an experience with a partner who chastised him for being kinky or trying something different, and he may be afraid of upsetting you, so cut him some slack and give him a little time for the learning curve to develop.

    5. What do you want him to do specifically? Oral, rim job, anal, 69, what?

    • Thank you. I'll try that!

    • Good luck!

Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm very into foreplay, oral, anal and different positions, but not really into BDSM stuff.
    My wife tried to get me to whip her one time and I just felt silly.
    I know now that I'm not that guy.
    I can fuck hard, bite, spank and pull hair, maybe face fuck if she really wanted it.
    There is a limit to that stuff for me.
    I think with your situation all you can do is communicate.
    Tell him "Kiss me more, fuck me harder!"
    If he doesn't then you're obviously not sexually compatible and that's fine, but maybe it's time to go your separate ways.

    • I'll try to communicate some more with him. Thank you!

Most Helpful Girls

  • Tell him that you want to go next level. You are sooo used to the current positions and his small size doesn't get you to orgasm.
    More foreplay so both do oral and you want it rough... tell him to go in your ass.

    • "His small size" lol. I shall try that though, thank you!

  • I would sit down and talk to him and nicely tell him what you think would be hot. Explain why foreplay is so important to you. Tell him you want both you and him to enjoy it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • You either need to talk it out with your partner and spice things up or leave him. Sex is part of the relationship and both have to be happy to enjoy it. You will either remain miserable or you will start looking outside the relationship and you will cheat. The longing to explore sex can get intoxicating when you find what you are looking for.

  • Just ask him. Sex is always better with communication from both parties.

  • Don't tell him it's not good. Tell him what you would like. If he's not interested, then he's not the man for you.

  • See the only real option is probably to find a different partner for the good sex. Cause there’s no real way to tell him without that constantly in his head from then on every time you do it. Even if you offered to train Him it would be a crushing blow. But you could try that… Sorry there’s no morally great way to handle this

    • You sound dumb there are other ways than cheating

  • Consider watching some porn together that features sex that is more to your liking and tell him you want to try some of the things in the video.

  • Encouragement. Tell him (before or during sex) "I would really love if you would do X to me". Then move your way up there.

    Telling a guy he is bad in bad can have a lot of negative consequences that you may want to try to avoid for now - if you value your relationship

    If these encouragements do not work, the next step is to try to talk to him about what you need to feel fully satisfied. Aka more foreplay, rougher sex, etc.

    If that doesn't work, then you need to be brutally honest.

  • Just like you td us

    • Told*

  • Ease into it. During doggy have him slap your ass.

  • Coming back for more

  • Start asking him questions about oral sex and other things and see his reaction, maybe that will help.

  • Tell him what you want when you're having sex

  • You try to spice up

  • Be honest, Just tell him, then work with him to improve it for both of you.

  • I'm going to guess you lost your virginity in your teens