How to tell your SO sex is no longer enjoyable?

[Anonymous]

I need advise on how to tell my hubby I do not enjoy sex anymore without hurting his feelings? I haven't had an orgasm in 3 months and everytime we have sex now (which is rare, like 1 or 2 times every 2 weeks and thats after me begging for it) its always a quickie, he's done in under a minute. We don't even do forplay anymore and he rarely touches me.

I just want advise on how to tell him without hurting him. I dont want any suggestions on having threesomes, oral etc. I have done everything for him.

[markscott]

Get a time when things are a little slow, when he's sitting down, and sit next to him and tell him you need to have a serious talk with him. Tell him how you feel, that you need sex more frequently, longer, and that you need him to help bring you to orgasms. Be ready to suggest couple's counseling, as it sounds like that is likely needed. Don't blame him, talk about your feelings, make it non-judgmental. There may need to be more than one talk, to get him to take action. Even if he does not do anything, you can take action for yourself. Get counseling about your needs, etc. You taking care of yourself, getting counseling for yourself, may be the first step needed to get the end result wanted. .

[oriax]

Do not just let this go. And do not. Try and beat around the bush. Be straight forward, non-judgemental, and honest but DO talk to him about it immediately and make sure he understands. You and he must both actually change.
As a male when you get over thirty and you're stuck at your desk job you will see your vigor decline and also your libido. Diet and exercise are important here. But ultimately, I hate to break it to you, but you're not a teenager anymore with raging hormones and a matching body and sex drive.

Sex can still be amazing (better than ever in fact) but possibly in different ways and you must also make an effort: both of you.

Welcome to adulthood.

[Asker]

I know were not teenagers anymore, i am just pregnant with a high sex drive right now.

[Jaye234]

Try suggesting new positions or just preform oral on him first. That may entice him to be more open.
Next time he's in the shower, and it's feasible get in with him.
If that doesn't work sit him down while the kids are at school or at grammas and tell him: i want to spice up our sex life a little, be gentle using a soft toned voice that won't hurt his feelings.
I don't really have any other helpful tips.

[Jaye234]

Update: is this yalls first baby? If so he may be afraid he's going to hurt you or the baby. Just reassure him that women can still have amazing sex while pregnant, yes it won't be as rough and wild but still fun.

[Asker]

No its our 2nd baby. All this started happening the second I started showing

[livingtrust]

read the book "mars and venus in the bedroom." talking to him about may make it worse
the #1 thing you can do in my opinion is first satisfy yourself by masturbating and keeping yourself in a good mood however you can.
the more he realizes you dont enjoy it the further he will distance himself. you can also read, "Men are from mars, women are from venus" for insight as to why he's distancing himself and how to reel him back in

[Hal2002]

What a load of crap, the only way to fix the problem is to address the problem. Not by sticking you head in the ground, and hopping the problem goes away. From what I read in "men are from mars, women are from venus" before I got disgusted with it. The author needs to grow some hair on his balls and be a man, and stop being a doormat to keep his wife happy.

[livingtrust]

@Hal2002 since this is her husband it's better to get educated and take your time than to risk creating more conflict long-term. the book is an international bestseller so something in there resonates with most people. but i agree that not everything in the book is immediately useful. some of it is disgusting to us men but the asker intuitively knows the important of seeking help before addressing the problem. asker, if the book turns you off you could go to amazon and look for bestseller's in the relationship section. people underestimate the power of a book even if it's only one sentence that resonates. thanks!

[Hal2002]

People need to stop reading books and start honestly talking to each other, no two couples are the same and what works for one does not mean that it will work of another. When you can not talk to your SO, that is saying a lot about your relationship and it does not matter what the problem is. If you can not talk about things, your relationship is doomed.

[livingtrust]

@Hal2002 no two couples are the same and what works for one does not mean that it will work for another. there deaf couples; mute couples; couples who recover from the seemingly impossible... your relationship is doomed only if you say it's doomed. not if you can't talk about everything. "talking" about things and successfully communicating what you want to communicate can be two completely different worlds. not all conversations successfully resolve the real problems because not everyone knows what the real problem is - that's why books and sites (like this) exist. because you can learn from a lifetime of experience by simply reading what someone else has gone through.

[NJ_Casanova]

Ask if they want to try something new... or tell them what you want, "faster... harder... deeper" to a guy that isn't a bad thing. Most like when a girl asks for more.

[NJ_Casanova]

You being pregnant is a BIG THING TO LEAVE OUT, WTF? DROPPED the ball there. He probably thinks anything rough will hurt the baby... most guys do. Really need to talk to the doctor and have him tell your husband that he won't hurt the baby and sex will actually help you... which I've heard marry couples say.

[Buckzor]

Just tell him straight up, there's no way he thinks he's doing a good enough job or satisfying you with what you've told us.

[Hal2002]

You can not, not hurt his feelings. You just have to sit him down, and be honest with him about what is going on when having sex. Just be calm, and don't let your emotions take over.

[UltimateGohan]

Tell him you need more sauce

[GingerGuy]

Talk to him about it but don't make it about him. Don't say that he's the problem or that your sex life isn't enjoyable. It's only going to hurt his feelings and/or get his defenses up. Instead, suggest trying new things. If you used to do lots of foreplay, tell him how much you miss it and would like it back. Or say "I love it when you do this..." "I'd love to try this with you" Things like that.

[Karnak09]

The easiest is to engage a serious discussion with him, maybe something bad is happening in his life or whatever. But also maybe that's an hidden message to tell you he wants to break up.

[jessture]

It sounds like he never really cared about your pleasure. This is best talked about, but do not do it as sex is happening, or just over. Be specific about what feels good for you, and when he gets something right, be sure he knows that too

[Patriot357]

He's doing it all wrong. You need foreplay first then he should go down and eat you out until you come then he slide up inside you.

If a guy isn't into it then no matter what you say it ain't gonna happen

[solaris1987]

change routine... or add partner :s:s

[cancan73]

Tell him straight, so what if you hurt his feelings, he either sorts it out or lives on his own

[cancan73]

It would have been helpful to include that you are pregnant in your original post. Yes some men have a complex about that cause it's weird putting your dick so close to a baby

[Asker]

My bad i thought i included that i am pregnant. He didn't have a problem with sex during my first pregnancy that why im kinda lost

[Alvareinxs]

I don't want to be a buzzkiller but there is a chance he has an affair

[Alvareinxs]

Next time point out the little fact that YOU ARE FUCKING PREGNANT YOU FUCKING WHINNING SENSITIVE COW

[WiggleWasser]

Maybe it's time for you to get a friend with benefits on the side.

[hoodwill]

That's a good sign u guys are through

[red07net]

Are you guys changing numbers

[intjgamer]

Sounds like he is finding good sex elsewhere. You have to beg him? That sounds weird.

[akihib]

Just simply discuss about sex and if he interested to discuss u can explain ur feeling indirectly by using examples at the last u have to tell I need this type.. etc..

[H2orocks4001]

My first thought is to figure out how he is feeling and just be prepared to share. Seems you are both carrying something around

[Anonymous]

Just have to have that communication. I know in my marriage for example if things go stale I insist on having a talk and seeing what’s going on? Until you find out what’s going on you have no idea. It shouldn’t hurt his feelings either if he loves you. He should want to know also your frustrations and should want to make you orgasm again and want to satisfy you.