Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Recently I posted a question here asking why people encourage horny, sexually frustrated women to go out and get laid but treat men who are horny and frustrated like pathetic losers who need to relax. A lot of answers were you’re typical, “That’s not true, women get called sluts and guys are given a pass,” while some females did admit that it’s true but only because guys show their desperation. So some of those made me want to post this Take with more of the situation and what can make guys be so frustrated if they’re really not getting any sex.
Disclaimer: this Take ended up being longer than I intended, but hopefully you'll stick with me, and the "TLDR" spammers can move on.
It is true that women often are to blame...
And when I say this I’m not saying they’re to blame as in them not giving men sex is the root problem. I mean they are often to blame for how they treat men about sex, and because of their attitudes as women. A lot of women think guys are wrong to be angry but in some ways guys are actually very right to be upset with them about it.
And the reason for this is because often women try to qualify men for sex or decide if or when a guy is ready for it, or how he should want it or pursue it, when that really is none of their business. They would never want men judging them or getting in their face about the sex they have or the sex they want, or trying to decide if they even have any value as a woman in order to want or have sex, but women are doing exactly this to men! And this probably is a large part of guys’ sexual frustration.
Women whine about men only wanting casual sex and think they need to chill and get focused, but then as soon as she’s horny and wants to just get laid she wants it to be okay and cry to the world, “Why is it bad if women just want to have sex and get labelled sluts for it?” So now because you’re desperate and horny and want casual sex, we shouldn’t judge you, but when it’s guys who are, you get annoyed and judge them in a flash and think they’re pathetic for it.
Women want to make up their own rules...
It's just as sad and pathetic to me to hear a horny woman whining about not wanting to be called a slut for wanting casual sex, as it is to hear a guy whining about how he's not getting any play. Both are the same. Yet women want to make up their own rules about it. They want to say how there's a way to go about getting casual sex and how they have standards even in that. Let's be real here: having casual sex has no standards. It's just momentary satisfaction. And the difference is that guys aren't trying to front and talk about having any moral standards with it. Women are. Nor are guys really fucking anything that moves because most of us want sex with someone who looks decent, whereas it is much more common for a woman to sleep with anything/to be "pansexual."
They say how a guy being desperate is unattractive and how it won't get him any sex, but a guy can not act that way at all and she will still think he's desperate simply for trying to get it period. But the rules are supposed to change when she wants casual sex. Now I'm not supposed to think of her as a slut or desperate, and however she wants to get it should be perfectly fine.
Guys who are still virgins...
It's especially frustrating for the guys who’ve never had sex or even a girlfriend before, or if they’ve only had sex once in their life or with only one girl. I’ve read their stories on other sites, from some men even in their late 30s, and it does make me kinda sad for them. Although some women try to say they think it’s great if a guy is still a virgin or is not pressed to lose it, other women do not really think this way and can be worse towards male virgins than other guys can be towards them.
You have a lot of women who’ve already had sex or with several men, and treat male virgins as if something must be wrong with them for why they haven’t had sex once they find out, or treat them as undesirable, and think that having sex is something they should’ve already done by now. And they don’t want to give the guy a chance or be his first because they have a similar narrow mindset like the employment world: you have to have experience first.
They don’t want guys who’ve never fucked before and feel like they’ll be bad at it. And then these guys get frustrated because they also have a similar reaction to employment world expectations: okay, so how do I get experience if none of you give me a chance? Maybe a virgin guy doesn't want to be a cliche by just picking a virgin girl, maybe he's open to women who've already had sex but they're not open to him.
All this can make a guy feel hopeless, and on the one hand these women don’t want a guy to be desperate or so anxious for sex, but then basically tell them they need to get out there and lose their virginity if they want to have fun and get experience. How does he do that if you’re treating him bad for wanting that, and rejecting him for his inexperience? You’re judging these guys for never having had sex, but then judging them for wanting it a lot too. And forgetting that once upon a time you were also a virgin.
Women are bragging about getting sex easier than men…
I think this is also a big reason for guys being sexually frustrated. A lot of women try to deny this by saying it’s guys who claim women can get sex easier, and although that is true, there are still just as many women who say it and think it as men.
Women are calling guys desperate and think they need to chill or try to take it slow and relax, but then they want to brag to us about how they think it’s easier for them to get sex if they ever are desperate and horny. They’re not wanting guys to be so consumed with it or try to get it so much, but they’re basically taunting them about it, as if they’re behind a fence telling guys, “Oooh look what we can have a lot easier than you, and it’s so much fun. You’re missing out.” Or like, “Sorry for your lot, but it’s always good news for me when I’m horny.” Or, “Hell yeah, I can get laid more than you, and that should bother you and I’m glad it does.”
How would guys not be frustrated by that? You think it’s annoying that he’s desperate or too focused on sex, but pretty much stir that by trying to bully him about how you think you can go out and get it any time you want, and he’s not supposed to feel bad about himself for it or not supposed to want it too. Because in truth women actually are trying to make men feel incompetent, inferior, less capable, and less appealing by talking about how easy they think they can get sex, and they absolutely do enjoy that it bothers guys. Some would deny that but it is the truth. They’ll hate it when guys say it as if it indicates that women are only good for sex, but then agree with it when they want it to benefit their image as women because they want guys to envy it.
Shaming men vs. shaming women...
People like to cry about how much women are slut-shamed and guys are high-fived for getting laid, but this isn’t entirely true, and the argument really is different when it comes to men. Guys aren’t getting this great reputation that women are complaining about as unfair. Most people applauding guys are other guys, and most people shaming women are other women. While a lot of people “expect” men to have lots of partners, that still doesn’t necessarily mean they approve of them for doing it but that they resign themselves to the fact that it’s “male behavior” they can’t change. Men are still scorned and stereotyped as creatures who will fuck anything, yet when women are fucking anything we’re just creatively and simple-mindedly calling them “bisexual,” “pansexual,” or being more “sexually flexible.”
Men are even catching hell for not having sex like I mentioned. Nobody frowns on women for still being virgins. Nobody is constantly judging her as not being able to get laid because she’s annoyed with guys or says something about them. Nobody tries to put a woman on the spot and ask her, “Honey, when was the last time you had sex?” No one is sizing up a woman’s ability to deliver in bed based on how feminine she is or how she behaves with guys, we just think she’s always good because she's a woman. No one is thinking a woman must not be able to get laid if she hasn’t ever had sex or in a long while. No one is saying a woman is watching porn because she can't get laid. And no one has a ton of masturbation jokes for women who are single.
Men are the ones who get scrutinized for all that, and women are just as much a part of it as other guys are, and they do help stir up sexual frustration in men because of it. It bothers guys to be judged, scrutinized, and jeered at by other guys, but it bothers them a lot more when women are doing it because women are the ones they desire and are looking to have sex with, not other guys. So it hurts when the opposite sex is scorning you and sizing you up based on your sexual experience, lack of it, or desire for it.
Not getting any and being judged for it can be worse than being called a slut because you're basically thought of as incompetent, not good with women, lacking something in your masculinity, or someone women should question or worry if you're good in bed. Slut-shaming is bad but at the end of the day most guys who call a woman a slut would still fuck her in secret, and her morals are judged but not her competency as a woman.
So, yes. I can understand how guys can be sexually frustrated. I’ve been there in the past myself, and it’s not a good place.
#SexualFrustration
What Girls & Guys Said
27 31I completely understand this. I haven't had sex in 3 years! I'm horribly frustrated and I want a special person to lay with not some slutty bimbo. But it seems all the good girls are taken or they don't want anything to do with me.
I could not get casual sex even if j wanted to. It's supply and demand, women are the demand and so they supply it to the right customer. And when they want to go out and sell it instead of waiting for someone to go to the store, they don't have to worry about not getting any sales.
I'm just really lonely and desperately need to feel the touch and embrace of a wonderful girl I hope to but probably never will meet.
So what is your plan for making that happen?
@majorG I don't have one. I don't know where to begin. My life is so hectic and uncommon that people don't know my individual circumstances and how to build off that.
thematinggrounds. com/
@majorG lol alright, I'll check it out.
I doubt it takes into account autistic homeless people who live in a Nissan Sentra but alright. Worth a shot.
Hahaha, dude, you are funny. Women love that.
@majorG I am funny. Im also confident. But my joke is funny because it's true.
Sorry buddy. But yeah, if you have those two things you can get laid. You are young. You don't have to have your life together yet. If your Nissan is neat and tidy, that goes a long way. Did you see that video with the homeless guy in NYC pulling all the time? A bit extreme, but if he can do it...
@majorG no, I have no idea what video you're talking about. Can you send me a link?
youtube. com/watch? v=bmav517MQJc
@majorG the link doesn't work.
Interesting take. Thank you for sharing ;)
Dude you're comparing apples and oranges. Men and women aren't the same. And it's not just our species: Generally, males compete to fertilize the females. Why? Because sperm is much "cheaper" than an egg + pregnancy + breastfeeding (in the case of mammals) + whatever childrearing goes into it. And with humans, that investment is massive. Human babies are utterly helpless. Completely dependent on their mothers (and fathers, to a lesser degree).
Regardless of whether you think it's unfair, men have evolved to want to pretty much fuck anything in sight, and women have evolved to be a lot more selective.
You have to take that as your basis when you talk about this stuff. And you also have to realise that most of it is subconscious. Just like you don't decide to be attracted to that scantily-clad babe waltzing by in the summer sun, women don't choose what men they find attractive. Most of it is subconscious.
The sooner you get over the idea that equality means men and women should be treated as if they were the same, the better you will do with women.
None of this dribble is even relevant to the Take. We're talking about how women can incite sexual anxiety in men because of how they judge or scrutinize men sexually, yet want people to take them seriously when they're whining about being labelled as sluts for their own sexual behavior or feeling disrespected or degraded themselves. So in your mind that's more important and makes more sense. God help anybody who would follow your monkey studies in order to do well with women.
You're right that that is hypocritical, and apologies if the comment missed the mark. However, a lot of the slut-shaming women experience is a) other women slut shaming them so that they don't steal their men or lower the bar for all women. This means that if one woman is super slutty, men may start to expect all women to do the same things, which they may not feel comfortable with, b) men slut shaming women, probably because they fear being cuckolded or a bitter about rejection When women shame men, it is partly through ignorance, but partly because all else being equal, in general women choose who to have sex with, whereas men choose who to stay with after sex. Sexual selection is a pretty important concept, certainly if you want success with women. It may feel super unfair, but life ain't fair.
Amen
And women find a lot of men disgusting (they are more easily disgusted) or scary or weird. They are super sensitive to these signals, because they are reliable indicators of what kind of partner the guy is likely to be, what kind of father, and what kind of genes he is bearing.
@majorG When women shame it isn't through ANY ignorance. They know well what they're doing. You're letting them off the hook far too easily. They know what they're doing because they want men to be bothered by what they say to them or do. "in general women choose who to have sex with, whereas men choose who to stay with after sex." - Please, man. It's way too many players out there getting their way with women and leaving them knocked up or diseased regardless of women finding some men creepy or gross. Many a woman has still ended up being a guy's bed buddy inspite of these ape instincts you want to attribute to them. More than enough guys are making the decisions on who they're gonna sleep with. This Take is about how women are treating or viewing men for not having sex or wanting sex.
Sure. Lots of women make poor mating choices. You just have to look at how many wind up dead, killed by their partners, to know that. What is complicated is that women are looking for a guy that can physically protect them and their offspring, and this is an ancient drive. So stuff like being tall, strong, high-status, that matters to them. It makes it likely that you're a better protector. On top of that, some guys have great genes (think the jock quaterback). Women just lust for them. Even if they are shitty dads, their genes might be attractive enough that women will accept the tradeoff. Some evidence suggest there are two mating strategies for men: a more promiscuous "player" one (spread the seed), and a more committed, focused one (stay and make sure a few offspring actually reach adulthood). Anyway, you seem to find this stuff boring.
Okay, so you have an axe to grind because you aren't getting any and you have experienced women shaming you for it. That totally sucks, but why care about those women? Even if they are fine AF and socially powerful, they aren't great human beings and anyone stuck in a relationship with them might get awful bored fast. But more importantly: Realise that women are selecting who to mate with to the extent that some estimates are that 80% of women who ever lived reproduced with 40% of guys that ever lived. That is right. Most guys who have ever lived didn't reproduce. Nature seems to experiment with males. We vary more. There are more very smart and very dumb men than women. For women the distribution is more even. There are more crazy guys than crazy women. In all sorts of ways. Sometimes we call it genius. Sometimes we lock them up. Etc. You are right: It can feel awfully unfair to be a man. And sure no one should excuse shitty behaviour from women.
@majorG It isn't so much that I find it boring so much as science actually doesn't apply to real life as often as they would project. That's just how it is. The rodent tests and ape studies tend not to compare a whole lot. These are the same people who tell us our foods will give us cancer and that skinniness is healthier. Right now I'm not getting any because I'm not exactly actively pursuing it with my life being busy from my job. I didn't write this Take based on me. I wrote it based on how I've known women to treat men and size them up about sex. "Realise that women are selecting who to mate with to the extent that some estimates are that 80% of women who ever lived reproduced with 40% of guys that ever lived." - Uh uh. It's too many kids running around out there from fathers who knocked up different mothers.
"You are right: It can feel awfully unfair to be a man. And sure no one should excuse shitty behaviour from women." - I feel that many women who read this Take know it's true, and that bothers them. So they want to dismiss it as a joke or unimportant. Nothing gives a woman away more than a pretense of laughter and disregard.
That is undoubtedly true, and there is much still to learn, however, a considerable amount of thorough research HAS been done when it comes to human mating, and it is surprisingly unknown outside of academia. Lots of guys are still buying into ridiculous PUA advice. Sure your job isn't an excuse? You can do both, you know. Anyway, that's your business. If you want more info, check out this site: thematinggrounds. com/
Lots of women are legitimately ignorant. They have never tried being male. They make lots of assumptions based on their own experience. More often than not, the problem is ignorance, not malice. But okay, sometimes they're just being mean. Just beware of bitterness towards women. The war of the sexes is a dead end.
@majorG Of course I can do both, and have before, but sometimes other things have to come first. Though right now I am working on sex with one of my co-workers. But as far as actually going out to meet women and work at sex, I'm not exactly trying, no. "They make lots of assumptions based on their own experience. More often than not, the problem is ignorance, not malice." - Sorta true. It's like solipsism as one guy here said. I'll look at the site.
Sure, sure, you're right. Dating can also take up quite a lot of energy. Anyways, good luck on the co-worker :)
This is BS!
I want you to tell me how.
Their fake illusions frustrate men.
Thus no reason to accuse women. There's NO such thing as a right to get laid.
Hahahaha. Idiot
@Jayson101 media.makeameme.org/created/Oh-calling-me.jpg
Kinda long, very whiny.
Women are driven by their hormones. Their menstrual cycle dictates their desire for sex. It pays a guy to know and understand this - when to ramp up the alpha and pursue her, and when to ramp up the beta and be comforting.
Or as I like to say, "She likes sex alright... just not with YOU." LOL
It's more like being upfront about what's going on, not whining.
True that. It's all about hypergamy. The more things change the more they stay the same. Our entire western culture is built around protecting the 'weaker sex'. :) Here's another tidbit... the more women try to be like men the less desirable and attractive they are to men. Third wave feminism isn't doing women any favors. At all. Period.
@Browneye57 "the more women try to be like men the less desirable and attractive they are to men." - This is exceedingly true.
You hit the nail on the head, my man! Especially about the ringer that guys who haven't gotten laid yet have to go through with women. It's like everyone is looking for some specific number of people for their partner to have had before them, and it really needs to stop!
Oh man. Is it just your mind or this actually happened to you?
Some of it has happened to me, yeah. But that's not why I wrote it.
The take mention guys who are still virgins in their 30´s and how come is sad. Well there are women mid 40 who are still virgins with no experience in dating or boyfriends either so what can you say?
They lost the game even though it was on super easy mode?
psmag.com/environment/17-to-1-reproductive-success
@kitty71 I have no problem with women that old who are still virgins, and I've heard that they do exist. But the point is that female virgins are not scrutinized, even at that age, while male virgins are. If anyone does know a grown woman virgin they will mostly assume she's still one because of emotional abuse or past rape that we should be sensitive towards.
Not necessarily if alayd at taht age is still virgin is for rape or emotional abuse I know some who never were raped or had any emotional abuse they are just fine and never had any problems in their past
@kitty71 Right. But I'm saying that's what people might assume.
Well not only that, I think something like 30% of males end up virgins, less than 10% of women do.
@Bananaman177 Yep I would agree with that statistic... probably more than that for males , males are less in demand than women anyway , also there are more than 600 million more males than females worldwide , due to a male heavy birth ratio everywhere , and the disgusting practice of female infanticide from the Middle East to China.
This will trigger a lot of people, but I think it needs to be said, as it illustrates this point well. When I was younger I could not get laid to save my life, the males my age made sure to tell me how they got it often and was so awesome for getting it while me not getting it made me a pathetic loser that should kill myself and do the world a favor, the girls thought it was funny I used my hand and thought I was an absolute worthless piece of shit that they needed their boyfriends to beat me up, being treated like a leper (a social outcast) made me think very violent thoughts about the entire human race. I was very dark and my head was filled with evil thoughts. I finally got laid in my mid thirties and after almost 8 women, I now have a lot of softer and lighter emotions toward humanity, as now I feel as though I am worth as much as any other human being.
Thanks for the story👏 Glad things got better.
There are all sorts of double standards and hangups not to mention unfathombly high expectations on both sides of the gender barrier they aren't all the same on both sides but there are plenty to go around
And as I have said before if we all me and women a like were a little less selfish and a little kinder and more loving towards each other including those who may not be the super desireables there would probably be less people who are deeply depressed due to being socially ostracized who occasionally grow actively resentful even maybe if these people were treated kindly and felt loves they would grow into more desirable people and you could feel the joy of having helped a person heal...
But I am just a silly idealist I suppose
I love your words and it is good to hear them and I hope many agree with me. Because that indeed would be a great idea.
@Aynsof This is the story of the Incels. They consider themselves misfits rejected by women and mistreated by society in general. The truth is, sadly, that many men are.
@Dchrls78104 Indeed Though most men who are unsuccessful with women do not spout the rather hateful rhetoric of the incels they just drown in isolated depression and we must not forget there are women who are also in the same situation some of them turn to the rather aggressive misandrist feminism just like the incels misogyny And it doesn't have to be this way But I doubt that it is going to change sadly
@Aynsof Criminal gangs tend to recruit youths who have no hope for the future or for gainful employment, or who have been denied affection, love, and respect by their families at home. The gangs promise them all those things. Similarly, movements like INCEL tend to recruit people who have no hope for the future or of a meaningful relationship with the opposite sex, or who have been mistreated by same.
@Dchrls78104 Quite right that was my point the same mechanics are in play here The social marginalization our society inflicts on some of its members hurts a lot of people and some of those will turn to subcultures who are similarly ostracized others will just retreat into themselves
@Dchrls78104 And even worse to know those children on purpose made poor for that reason but even sadder that many children like it while other children hate it and get hated because they do not come along with it.
OK, I only read the title and some blurbs before I had to just scoff.
As a man, I know that a real man create things for himself and no one can take that away from him, not another man, not a woman, not God Himself.
Subscribing to this way of thinking will only lead to pain, loss and wasted energy on foolishness.
Be better than that!!
I think you can!!
Ummm... nothing that he writes about in this take has anything to do with a man creating things for himself. What you are saying is true, but it's also not relevant.
Everything you have said in this take I have experienced.
As have I.
Women don't understand this because they only need to be seen to get attention, gifts, and even sex from men. As men, we have to approach, we have to ask them out, we have to pay for the dates, we have to say the right things, we have to make the first move, we have to prove constantly (at least to some women) that we are viable sexual partners. Women are already viable sexual partners simply by existing. Their worth to men is intrinsic, whereas a man's worth to women needs to be developed.
Yeah I've noticed this. In some corners, while promiscuous men are looked down upon as 'horndogs', promiscuous women are applauded as 'liberated'.
I was laughed at for a long time for being a virgin, none of the girls I've been with have been virgins and yet they enjoyed bragging to me that they could get any guy they wanted and I was stuck with them
Know how I know you are REALLY LOUSY with women?
Typical... Women confronted with inconvenient facts... attack and mock.
Then seriously expect men to feel sorry for them when the one guy they talk to out of the other 24 they rejected that week rejects them for the same shallowness they show.
Right on bro!!
I don't see chicks bragging about sex though? But there's a lot in truth in this take.
A lot of the females on this site do.
Yeah true