Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health Husband has low sex drive since I got pregnant and had the baby?
Anonymous
It’s been a year of sex only once a week when we found out I was pregnant his sex drive completely disappeared then I had our baby and it was 2-3 times now it’s back to once a week if that. I asked him if he finds me unattractive and he said I don't know. I asked him if he wanted to talk about what was going on he said I don't know. I asked if something was bothering him he just kept saying I don't know to every thing I said. I look the same as before I had the baby back down to the same size all within a week of having her. So I don’t think it’s my looks. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say to him to make him wnay to have sex but it’s getting the point I just want to open the relationship so I can have sex. What could be going on?
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What Girls & Guys Said
0 3It's not uncommon for a drop in male libido after a baby, and it's not always the woman's fault. He may be still processing the news that he is a father, it could also be a drop in testosterone. It could even be a mental thing, after he watched a baby come out of there.
Men often have trouble taking any issues relating to sexual performance, so while you did nothing wrong by trying to get his side of things, just tread carefully in the future because performance is often tied to ego and self-worth. If he won't open up to you, it willing to try something new, perhaps a couples therapy session is an option.
I would advise against suggesting an open relationship, as that can easily fail catastrophically.
He doesn’t talk at all never has. He has a problem he’ll just ignore it. He’s upset he ignores is. I’m upset or hurt by something he did or said he ignores it. He said fuck no to a therapist. I can’t keep going on like this. I’m on birth control and it’s fucking with my mood but if we aren’t having sex I wnay off of it. No point in being off of it. And I told him not to look down there at all bc my ex that I had a kid with looked and ended up cheating bc he said I was gross. So if he’s not having sex bc of that them that’s my fault. How do I get him to wnat to have sex with me again I’m a very sexual person I want ever minute of every day. But he just rejects me. I suck his dick more then we have sex. And when I try to do it he says no keep going. So no sex. I’m at a loss
You haven't ruled out what's going through his mind though; if your body is 'back to normal ' as you say, and your sex life was active before, then clearly the change happened in his head. So if you push to open the relationship imin order to satisfy your desires, the issues within his head will remain. Would you prefer that he begin having sex with other women while you enjoy other men? Because if he IS able to perform with other women, that'll probably hurt your feelings deeply; but it was all your idea to open the relationship to begin with. Sometimes the juice isn't worth the squeeze.
I haven’t told him I want to. But I can’t keep going on like this. It’s making me feel like I’m the ugliest person when he jaw drops at girls when he’s out in public and gets a boner and doesn’t even try to have sex with me. I can’t be in a relationship with no sex. If I am. I end up resenting the person. And how do I help what’s going on in his head if I never know what it is. Like I can’t fix what I don’t know I did wrong.
If sex with another perosn is what he needs at this point it’s been over a year almost a year and a half of being sex deprived. I could care less what he does. As long as he just has sex with me or I’m getting sex more
You keep fixating on yourself being unattractive; why are you trying to take full responsibility for something beyond your control? And if you're already at that level with it, then you've got nothing left to lose. Offer an open relationship, let men see you and let them find you attractive, and let him do his own thing. Or go one step further and file for divorce and do a you wish.
Bc I’ve always been the problem I have very small boobs and a very small ass and it’s always the reason men stop having sex with me. They no longer find that attractive
There's so much more to it than than that; as you said, you're back to your pre-baby shape, and he was attracted to you then. I'm confident you look totally great as you are. If anything, blaming those aspects of your body is giving the men a 'way out', an oversimplification.
He says my body isn’t his type anymore. I just asked him bc he said he wanted me to ask the one thing he knows is on my mind 🤦🏼♀️ I don't know what to do I don’t have the money for a divorce nor can I afford the house and we signed a prenup so even if I asked if we could have help with money he’d say no. And he says he doesn’t want a divorce he because he still loves me as much as the day we met he just can’t have sex with someone who’s not attractive in his eyes.
Okay.. well I suppose I can't really assist much further, as all other avenues seem closed; if he said he's not attracted to you anymore, then that's it. I'm sorry that you're in an untenable position.
Quick question before you go. Being a male is there any way that attraction can come back if the love is still never much there? He doesn’t want me to leave or him to leave. So I’m wondering if there’s a possibility it may comeback
Well yes, absolutely. It can come back. But it's up to him, that's the crux of the issue. It puts you in a dynamic that's worse for your mental health than what you're going through now.
Okay thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me
Don't mention it. I'm happy to have tried. If there's an update or something new you want to ask, feel free to reply here or you can send me a DM, whatever you're comfortable with.
I will for sure
He has been scared sexless now that he understands the effects from the cause (sex). Big Mamma and empty wallet has made his penis hide in its shell...
What do you mean big mama?😂
And he has a full wallet I pay for everything for the baby and him 😂 he spends his money on him and only him
Alright. I appreciate your tendency to laugh over scream because I was not sure how you would react. I assume he knows the “spending on Him” is about to End either voluntarily or court ordered?
Yah I told him I’d I’m not going to get shit In return he’s not getting his wants paid for my me and my business (which is small but enough for me to have extra cash I spend on him and the baby instead of myself)
And just want to let you know I don't know if you ment it this way or not. But I’m the same size I was before I had both my kids. So I’m not a big mama I’m a tiny mama😂 112lbs in fact
Wow, you’re like the dream come true. You were a 98lb weakling before Hip Spreaders?
I was 84lbs before having my kid at 18 then 110lbs my second kid. Lost my belly 2 days after giving birth now staying at a steady 112
Sex drives can change with the stress of having kids and all. And they will change as one gets older. Have you spoken with him about it?
Do you think he may be jerking off too much instead?
He doesn’t want sex he wants to jerk off. He went a week with jerking off and still didn’t want sex.
Without*
Thanks for replying. I don't think things are going to get better any time soon. I think you need to talk to him about it. It is ok to talk about sex after all! If that does not work I might suggest sex and/or marriage counseling. Take care of it before it ruins your lives and marriage.
He doesn’t want to go to counseling it’s apparently “bring people into the relationship to telll bullshit and how he needs to run his life”
Well if he won't change and you have talked to him about it then you may have some tough decisions to make about your future with him. Do you two have any sex at all lately?
Haven’t in two weeks mind you he’s been sick for a week. So I don’t blame that. But he was perfectly fine the other week.
Two weeks with no sex... yikes! How old is he? Most younger guys can't go for more than a few days without sex or masturbation.
He’s 20 I’m 22
99% of 20 yr old guys want sex or a few orgasms at least daily... I certainly did. How does he get along with the baby? Do you think he still wants to be an integral part of your family?
He doesn’t take care of her. Maybe holds her every second day but other then that. She’s like non existent to him. He goes to work comes home and plays video games till he goes to bed and makes me make him food and any other snacks after he gets high. And on his days off he doesn’t move from his gaming spot from 8am to 12pm making me do everything for him. I have to stay up till 2-3 in the morning just to have an hour to myself.