I am a porn addict. My addiction is caused by loneliness. I'm on my ninth day without... simply from the anticipation of going on a date this weekend.

Yeah basically I'm 31, M. Been a porn addict since my teens... however in my teens it felt normal, then as I got into my 20s I had severe anxiety related to my high-functioning autism and some trauma, that made me kind of a recluse not doing anything with my life. So that's when my porn addiction became particularly prevalent.

I am a porn addict. My addiction is caused by loneliness. Im on my ninth day without... simply from the anticipation of going on a date this weekend.

As I started to do something with my life in my mid 20s, going to university becoming more confident making friends.. y'know I thought finally being with someone IRL would come naturally with all of that. But I was so invested in my course/my ambitions, and my porn addiction that together those two things stopped me from actually ever being with anyone long-term in university. See what I realise now is that porn was a comfortable habit I had formed in my teens and early 20s. It was very comfortable, easy and reassuring for me as a shy, socially awkward introvert with anxiety and a lack of confidence.

So then there were lockdowns, and I was isolated again like before uni. So the porn addiction became very much more significant again as it had been before. My addiction got really bad second half of last year. So I started emergency therapy, which helped me start to turn my life around. Get back to working towards my ambitions, working to progress my career to improve my health, well-being and productivity.

I am a porn addict. My addiction is caused by loneliness. Im on my ninth day without... simply from the anticipation of going on a date this weekend.

Then recently I met someone, a friend of a friend. And me and her just click, we just have a good vibe I think. So I had recently started talking to her online (after meeting IRL), and then I had asked her out and we should be going out this Saturday... and the amazing thing is that since I started text messaging this person my temptations have decreased. I'm flying through a "no fap" streak with little difficulty, especially since her positive response to me asking her out.

This is confirmation of what I had begun to suspect while talking to my therapist - my addiction is caused by loneliness. And I'm not even with this person, we live over an hours drive apart. Just the basic principle of feeling liked, feeling worthwhile enough that someone likes me.. and my addiction is effectively gone for the time-being. It's astounding. It was just so painful being completely alone, emotionally isolated from society, that I was self-medicating with porn.

I am a porn addict. My addiction is caused by loneliness. Im on my ninth day without... simply from the anticipation of going on a date this weekend.

But now I'm anxious that I'm gonna' ruin it, as I have done on other occasions. I'll ruin it by being too anxious (catch-22), too awkward, by overthinking so much that I start to vocalise some of my overthinking and that ruins it or.. by asking if it's okay to kiss before doing it because I can't do it without asking, or y'know by being too eager or too clingy too needy. Which evidently I am needy, because my loneliness was/is so painful that I self-medicate with porn to the extent it becomes a debilitating addiction.. so now I have to suppress my neediness and play it cool in order to not ruin it.

She had said she identifies as demisexual when we were talking IRL, which I do as well.. which effectively just means we each want to have an emotional closeness, a significant building of trust before being intimate with someone. So I'm hoping, maybe this person is on the same level as me in that way. Hopefully she'll be patient and understanding and allow me to just be who and what I am. But I'm also anxious I'll ruin it without doing anything wrong, that happens sometimes. She'll just get cold feet and decide she doesn't want to go out with me anymore. It's become so familiar that I expect it.

I don't know what else to say, or what anyone is supposed to say to this. Just wanted to get it off my chest. At the least it could perhaps help people realise things about themselves anyway.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You are doing great so far
    And meeting this girl is a good way for you to become better and maybe seek a long term relationship with her. Don’t worry you won’t ruin your chance with her. It seems like this girl is cool from what I read.
    Don’t think too much about your past and it’s mistakes what I can say is that at the moment the present you are doing amazing. Keep going and if you feel like you are falling back to this darkened again make sure you snap to light right away. Realize that life is beautiful beating porn and screen and iPhones laptop sex etc. connect with people and discipline yourself - to do a little of everything is a cure of things - For example imagine an obese person we can’t tell them cut fried food right away from 100to0% that’s crazy right. They start little by little until they reach the level they want to stay let’s have 20% of fries this week only.
    Be kind to yourself too that’s how you get better.
    Also make sure you have fun with this women , go out there go to karaoke , do pizza competition who eats the slice quiet lol go to Starbucks have coffee in the morning and talk about the weather if it’s sunny or rainy how it makes you feel etc

    • Quicker *

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  • That's really great that you're fighting the addiction buddy, I'm a stranger but I'm happy for you nonetheless.
    Addictions of any kind can be difficult to overcome so it's great that you're taking mature steps to combat it.
    Good luck with your date too!

  • If you truly r autistic u feel it in your soul vs a doctor's opinion.

    Try & just like take it day by day... It won't be easy. I would recommend trying to only be so stern on yourself maybe disconnecting the internet if you don't work from home.

    I never suffered from porn in my life but I came close 2. I also had a wildish not really but sure teenage yearz thing happening so when I got older I was able to watch porn only once a week out of reproduction needs vs just being horny (it'll feel like it hurts). I had sex. Probably a thousand times by the time I was 19 with a body count of 20ish I have a wyfe now I don't care to count. But from age 19-22 I never had sex once cause. I took finding a relationship very very serious, I took it serious in my teens but I amped up the pressure & I wanted to recoerherse with ex's vs finding new love.

    Sex is normal and awesome when you finally figure it out. Make sure when it's your woman's time of the month to just let her bleed, no shower sex even. & To not ask for any favors. Honestly ngl it's a good timee just to hangout with some friends... See her for an hour a day make sure she knows she's loved & go do whatever. If your autistic stay away from drugs your 16x more likely to have addiction issues.

    Workout at a gym but make sure to bring headphones cause if a douchebag or low IQ person is there you don't need to fall into the wrong crowd... I would also recommend only fans... Porns sick and disgusting but only fans attempted to fix some continuity issues. As you at least pay for interaction... Even better then that is phone sex where you pay by the minute that way dehumanization & devaluing of a person happens in less intense values..

    As an autistic person go on YouTube and catch up on socially acceptable norms once and awhile&make sure to not only improve yourself but to heal yourself life is a long battle.

    hope you have a good day as well as tomorrow.

  • That doesn't sound like an addiction, it sounds like something you just do when you're bored. If it's an addiction you should experience cravings and withdrawal symptoms when you try to stop, which you haven't reported. In fact it sounds like you're happier when you're not using it.

    Of course there are many other things you could do when you're bored and lonely. That's why people have hobbies.

    • Well I figured it was addiction on account of I rarely went a week without it most of my life since late teens, it got so obsessive that I became obsessed with finding new content, getting a new fix y'know, the new scenes the new girls etc. Always looking for something fresh, and considering that I even spent way too much money on it over the years, for members only content. And believe me I do have withdrawal symptoms. Whenever I tried to make a nofap streak it would be a major struggle/major achievement just to make it a week, and when abstaining I get obsessive thoughts about it... y'know keep thinking about it, keep having temptations. I don't know what other withdrawal symptoms I get, I get symptoms from using, y'know when I have been on a porn binge basically. But withdrawal I think, as far as I can recall, it's just cravings/temptations. And to be fair I did look at porn in the first few days since I started talking to this girl, but I didn't masturbate. I just browsed... then the urge has gradually decreased. So I don't think it's boredom, it feels like now that I feel appreciated and someone is attracted to me and is looking forward to seeing me, that the urges have decreased and that would appear to be due to loneliness. I am happier when not using, but I would expect that to be the case for addicts in general. I don't think they're generally happy. I actually think the root cause for addiction often tends to be a lack of happiness or fulfilment in some way. I appreciate your input regardless. I think I probably left out some pertinent details (like having had cravings).. it was getting to be the word count was just too big so I left some things out.

  • Vet you a hooker

  • Maybe just have guy friends? I don't know just what the hell is there to be nervous about around other dudes?

  • There’s an app called ever accountable. Go to a sex addicts anonymous and find someone to be your Sponser and ask them or multiple people to be your accountability partner

  • I feel you. Much ❤️ love

  • I have the exact same problem as you. Everything in your story is the same including the cause. In fact I thought wrote it and didn’t remember doing it. It wasn’t until you mentioned that you found someone that I was certain it wasn’t mine.

    What kind of therapist helped you. I don’t know which kind of therapist helps with this kind of thing. Is it a sex therapist, one that specializes in anxiety disorders etc. Thanks for sharing your story.

  • You can't be bothered to reply back

    • I hereby confirm that I am bothering to reply back.