I asked him to hang out and he said probably not tonight?

[Anonymous]

I occasionally fuck with this guy. We have sort of a booty call thing which is pretty straight forward. Last time he invited me over and we had sex and after a week I invited him for whiskey at my place but kind of last minute. He said he's going out with his brother and if he doesn't drink much he might pass by but probably not tonight. Told him it's cool, to have fun and to text me later if he'll make it but to not worry cause we can do this another time and he said, yes exactly. I didn't think it needed a response so I left it there. He didn't write to me but given that we are casually fucking I don't really expect anything. I haven't texted him as when I'm also going out I'm with friends drinking and don't check my phone. I guess if he gets horny he'll come back to me over the weekend since I made the invitation first and don't think I should be pushy. I respect his freedom as he respects mine. Is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying how casual it is and I can just write him hey wanna hook up tonight? Well, if he's busy he contacts me some days after. Last time, he texted me early in the morning to arrange it but I'm more spontaneous so I just asked him to come over same evening. Totally forgot it's Friday and people have plans. My friends say he's seeing other girls when he says he's busy which I don't mind we are just fuck buddies and not exclusive. I want to express that I'd wanna fuck more frequently cause our sex has improved and steadily it has increased but I prefer it happens when we get horny both and guards are down than arranging it days ahead. We only text to arrange meetings and is bare minimum. Some times we go days without contacting each other.

[wheist9095]

Ya gotta tell him that then! Like the best answer to this is either break it off with him and find another guy who can commit to you more, either in a relationship or who has a higher sex drive, or just fucks around with other people way less.

Or

Text him to meet up, and talk to him in person that the sex is great and you like having him as a fuck buddy because ya know who he is and you can't trust him to be clean and safe, but you want to get fucked more often! And you want him to step it up and try to fuck more often! Maybe less at night and more varied times? Like oh swing by before both of you go to work to bang early morning, or middle of the day lunch break and rough sex, or whenever!

If he can't or won't bang more often, or if he is fucking other girls and that safety from STDs goes out the window, it would probably be for the best to replace him with another guy for your casual sex needs.

[Asker]

He doesn't fuck as many girls but fair share. I'd say I was the one fucking with more guys but I recently met a guy who went abroad and we had intense sex marathon which I told this guy about and he didn't seem to mind it even stepped up a bit to prove he can fuck me better. I kind of neglected him because I was two weeks straight with new guy but now I'm taking a bit of break and he seems to be fucking more girls. I feel we lost it somewhere. Just love his dick is exactly the size I enjoy in sex. But okay I'm hypersexual and he knows it so he said many times he was sorry but can't follow my pace. He was seeing a girl from what he told me but didn't specify why they broke it off. I am not jealous since I'm mindful of hook up arrangements. If he started dating a girl would make sense to opt out from hooking up which is not the case until now. But you're right perhaps I need a stable fuck buddy but I like variety as well.

[Asker]

He calls me "little nympho" as a joke so he's aware actually so I don't even have to tell him 😄

[wheist9095]

I can understand where you're coming from, and I think finding a more stable fuck buddy would be better because it's safer for one. Also, variety is kinda a hard one to nail down to me, like in a stable committed sexual partnership you can get way more variety than short term fucks because you have someone you can really get good at fucking with and get into shit you wouldn't on a hookup ya know? Shit like fetish stuff, or finding people for multi-partner fucks, or outfits or positions or new locations etc etc. Also, with just the one or two stable fuck buddies, like a male roommate, you can get fucked way more often to match your drive because they're not out fucking other people they're just trying to fuck you and make their time fucking you happen more often ya know?

[Asker]

Hmmm yes all valid points. I'd prefer that but can't force it on to him. I'm not sure if he's viewing it the same way but I'm guessing he's fine with this arrangement cause we both have enough space to hook up with other people. by the way, I only expressed that I'm looking for casual less commitment and sex and he didn't confirm he's looking for this. It kind of went there though cause I started inviting him over to hook up late at nights and stopped writing to him unless I'm horny. When I mentioned hooking up in clubs he said how can u do that with different men. I think he was trying to date few girls. A major red flag is that all of the women he mentioned as potential dates in the end they bring him drama and he doesn't want that. Partly to explain why he likes hooking up with me cause I'm the most chilled, easy going cool girl he hooked up but he never said explicitly that we be fucking more frequently.

[wheist9095]

So he doesn't like the women he tried to date because they're all drama and he likes you because you're super chill. It also sounds like he was legit hurt for a second when you were fucking other dudes so he tried to find other girls to commit to to put you out of his mind. I think you don't want a commitment but he might and he's just settling for chill casual sex because it's with you specifically. He probably wants to like proper date you or be exclusive at least. Which hey? Not the worst thing I think if he's your goldi-cocks. Not too big, not too small, juuuuust right.

[Asker]

I'm not sure really, usually it's the other way round so with years I started viewing this as black and white, like if he wants to see me he'll make an effort if he doesn't, I'll move on the next guy but I haven't been dating for years so I stopped paying attention. I don't mean I'm inconsiderate to his feelings (if he developed any cause we can only assume he hasn't talked to me about it) but I wouldn't be realising if this is happening. I know that he was in an open relationship before we met, the girl is still on the surface. Allegedly, she got jealous they hit it off then stopped seeing each other, not sure if it's the same girl. When we meet, he tries to greet me with kiss or hold my hand but it feels awkward to me as I'm trying to keep it physical and not that intimate. He is fucking me like a "whore" to put it bluntly which I like and asked for then he wants to cuddle and kiss because he assumed it's what I want. Last time I kind of lost the way to his place and was about to return home, he called and told me are u seriously gonna go back, after you've invested time on this, and I was like it isn't q big deal we see each other another time. Ofc I still went there but I was surprised he thought I was invested in any form. I can't read into it cause I'm part of it and can't assess it objectively. He isn't asking for more but goes out of his way to please me (was thinking maybe that's his style with women) but then he distances himself when I'm bold and text me to hook up. He seems to either not give a damn or over thinking it to say a simple yes to an invitation for sex. Maybe he's indeed looking for a girlfriend and unfortunately I'll have to let him go cause I don't want to date him.

[Asker]

*date him meaning I don't want to date and if he wants more than just sex, he has every right to look for it so I shouldn't be devastated.

[wheist9095]

Okay, well I can only offer my opinion as an outside perspective. He definitely has feelings for you. He's not a simp or anything but by fucking you he gets to be with you and he keeps slipping up and trying to have romantic intimacy instead of purely sexual intimacy. Fucking you like a whore isn't particularly rare in committed relationships either, it's just a preference so I can't use that to discount him. I would say it's probably for the best to lay it on the table and break it off with him because he caught feelings somewhere in your history and he's gonna keep pushing the knife deeper because he doesn't want to be without you. It's the kinder thing to do for both of you, but just be careful to not accidently give him false hope of like... I don't want to commit or date anybody (right now). Because then he'll keep the flame of hope alive and never move on. I really hope you can both find happiness

[Asker]

Oh my, I'll have to be very delicate about it because indeed don't want to hurt him or make him believe there's more it than casual sex. He asked me to have fun over video sometime which I avoided and never brought again into discussion cause when we can get physical what's the point of having cyber sex? I never treated him like a girlfriend or gave the impression I wanna be one so it's strange he wanted to share videocall just to see my body. I sincerely thought it's just who he is with girls didn't connect it like this. Last time when we fucked, he wanted me to be on top and kept going to please me cause he knew I'm enjoying it (it was first time he asked me to go on top). I feel uncomfortable to be around him now cause I thought of him as a friend that I fuck with occasionally who has seen me with messy hair and body hair and seen me crushing with another guy.