I can only orgasm with a vibrator - help?

So I've been sexually active for a few years now, and using a vibrator for even longer. When I use a vibrator I can orgasm within a few seconds. Big amazing orgasms and often many (up to 10 sometimes). But whenever I'm having actual sex, I can't have a single orgasm. Not via sex, oral, hands, anything.

Don't get me wrong, I love sex. I could have sex all the time. It still feels really good and I'm always really turned on, but no grande finish. Ever. Not once.

The first guy I slept with I dated for 2 years so it can't be a nerves thing. I've slept with a few others since then. One hookup I got close (we was more skilled) but still nada.

I mean vibrators are great but I'd love to experience an orgasm with an actual guy without the use of technology. Help?
0 1

Most Helpful Girls

  • You've trained your body to only orgasm one way. It has to do with how pathways develop in your brain. Right now your brain thinks vibrator = orgasm and also that it's the only way to orgasm (this is also why you have so many orgasms, so quickly).

    Don't worry, you can retrain your brain. For a while, stop using your vibe completely. Don't worry, you'll eventually be able to use it again. But for now if you want to have orgasms other ways, stop using any sort of toy, even with a partner.

    Can you make yourself cum with only your fingers? See if you can. But if you can, don't do it frequently. Don't do anything super repetitive or frequent right now. But DO experience lots of varieties of pleasure. So if you can make yourself cum manually, work that in with other stuff with your guy. Take away all mental pressure to cum (it'll happen when it happens, no big deal) and just reacquaint yourself with appreciating how good pleasure feels in all its forms. Given enough time away from the vibe, and having taken away any stressful pressure, eventually your brain will form new pathways to reach orgasm. You'll want to get to a point where you're climaxing regularly from several sex acts (oral, him touching your clit, g-spot stimulation, orgasms during penetrative sex), and after you're consistently experiencing a variety of orgasms, that means your brain has opened up new pathways and you can safely use your vibe again without worrying it'll take over. Just never depend on one single technique, one single act, one single thought as the thing that pushes you over the edge. Because when you orgasm only one way for long enough, your brain thinks it's the only way.

    Thankfully our brains are flexible! Oh, this happened to me too by the way, and I did a bunch of research which is how I learned all this stuff, and I was able to fix it. Hope this helps!!

    • Amazing advice! I'll definitely do that. At this time, I haven't had a manual orgasm yet... but I guess nows the time to practice haha

    • By manual I mean by my own hands lol to clarify

    • Haha I'm glad to help!! Yes, definitely, re-learn how to please yourself with your hands. Just take it slow and mindset-wise, it really helps to just not worry about cumming at all, put the orgasm out of your mind and just appreciate a pleasureable moment for what it is. Don't see masturbation without orgasm as a bad thing, right now it's good to just enjoy pleasure however it unfolds. Even like a warm bath or a massage from your guy, or a decadent food... get in the habit of noticing and appreciating pleasure. Eventually, you'll start cumming all the ways you want to (and trust me, having one orgasm roll into another and another while a guy is fucking you pretty much beats a vibe anytime). I actually started having much bigger orgasms after doing all this. Good luck with everything!! :)

  • Then you will to do "research" with the guy to see how he can stimulate you in the same way. It may be different movements, positions, ... First try to locate where you get stimulated by the vibrator and then experiment with your friend. Sex is exploration and communication.

  • I'm the same except I can make myself cum with my hands too. I think just show someone how you like it and get them to do that. Communication is key. Keep trying! I hope you make it Xx

Most Helpful Guys

  • well this are the side effects of using sex toys... same way when one uses bigger sex toys they end up not feeling the guys dick as satisfactory anymore.
    sex toys are beautiful but harmful when over used.

    ideally you could reduce (not stop) the usage of vibrators/sex toys (hard I know) but if you treasure your sex life then do so...

    you could also do some keegle exercises... tighten things up make things more sensitive.

    n lastly the most crucial communicate with your partner... you yourself knows where to touch to make the magic happen... show your partner guide him to understand your body.

  • 1. You can orgasm yay! Good for you.
    2. Sex frequently doesn't lead to orgasm for the woman so chill out or let him take you from behind and help yourself along with a small vibrator - I like the vibration too.
    3. Try locking the vibe away fir a month as the way it bangs your clit can desensitize it a little. You might crave and enjoy his penis more.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 14
  • Do you clench your legs closed and tighten your inner though muscles to reach orgasm when you use the vibe?

  • You're desensitizing yourself. Stop using them for a really long time unless you can find a guy to thrust like a jackhammer to match a vibe lol

  • Guide your boyfriend to what helps you to orgasm. Vibrators can't replace the real thing lol

  • its like when guys get erectille dysfunction from porn. quit the vibrater and your body will get used to orgasming naturally.

  • I would try would try using a vibrator whilst you have sex, maybe try with you on top in something like the cowgirl position, then just before you cum take the vibrator away and finish off without the vibrator, the next time rave the vibrator away a bit earlier and so on, I'm sure you'll figure it out :)

  • Why not ask your boyfriend to use the vibrator on you? Also as long as you keep going you will get to a point where you can orgasm through sex. Its often an issue with younger women and can often be solved through experience. Not saying its your fault personally, its a bit more complicated then that.

    But yeah, try giving your boyfriend control over the vibe and perhaps drag new toys into the play. Also consider watching porn together or whatever gets you exited beforehand.

  • Sounds like you just need to find the right person who can do the things you like etc. If you've nearly managed it before with somebody then it shows that it isn't you. Try on yourself with just hands and no technology too to see if you can manage, and what helps etc, then you'll have more of an idea what a man can do to get you off.

  • Stop using it. Women ruin themselves for men using things no human can imitate.

  • the only way i could help is to go down on you myself ;)

  • try imagining orgasms in your mind while you're at it
    might help

  • You're used to the vibrator.
    I see 2 possibilities:
    *- put your vibrator out of reach in another room for some months, learn to do without its 'help'.
    *-On the net I've seen vibrating 'things' a man can fix at the base of his penis. Think about using it to start again, then do it without.

  • Through masturbation with your toy you've blunted your sexual responses so that you can only orgasm from your toy.

  • If you use the vibrator too much you become dependant on that stimulation. Could always get him a vibrating ring. It might help a little

  • I thought this was a literal invitation to help. Lol

    • Haha #clickbait

    • Just kidding

  • Have him go down on you. Most women require clit stimulation to orgasm. you are normal. also, vibe yourself during sex.

  • You need a understanging boyfriend who you can share everthing frankly with , e. g. the sex.

    I mean, you can even ask him to use the vibrator before the real sex, some kinda of preplay. This is quite normal

  • I get this, it's just so much easier with vibe , think I got lazy at putting effort into cumming via sex, I just use both, bring vibe to the sex makes it easier for both you and him.

    • also guys like me enjoy girls using a vibe during sex

  • I think you've desensitised yourself with the vibrator