Sexual Relationships
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I can’t make my boyfriend cum, is it my fault?

So this is literally killing me. The past 6 to 8 months I haven’t been able to make my boyfriend cum. I have tried everything, lingerie, blowjobs for 30 mins or longer straight. And he says my blowjobs are really good. Handjobs. Even sex, we could have sex for an hour and he still wouldn’t cum. I do dirty talk. Still nothing.

it’s making me feel like a shitty and not good enough girlfriend. He has said he’s sexually frustrated :( he can make himself cum but it takes awhile and he watches porn doing this but he’s so picky with porn videos it takes him hours to find one he likes.

What the hell am I doing wrong?

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AI Bot Choice

Superb Opinion

  • This hits a little close to home for me. I also don't reach an orgasm easily. It's not my partners fault. Even when I masturbate it takes a lot of effort for me to get there. My current partner and I were sexually active for well over a year before I came inside her for the first time. She also felt bad about it but I assured her it wasn't her fault. I was able to convince her when I asked her if she has had this problem with any of her other boyfriend's. She said no. And that settled it. She new what she was doing so it had to be all me. Some guys just don't orgasm from sex.

    • But the thing is I used to be able to make him cum before from sex/blowjobs , anything. Now I can’t make him cum at all from anything. It wasn’t always that way.

    • I haven’t changed techniques, in fact I’ve probably gotten better at blowjobs

    • That's interesting. I wonder what actually causes this. I've always been this way. I just thought it was an issue with my anatomy. But there is something that I learned can help. If I go a long period of time without sex or masturbation, it gets easier for me. Still takes awhile but it's at least less frustrating in the effort. And by a long period of time, I mean at least more than two weeks. Also I'm unfortunately circumcised and my glans used to be karatinized. I've undergone foreskin restoration and now my glans stay moist an sensitive. This has also helped me somewhat.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. Sometimes people just struggle to climax during sex. I know for me there is a stark contrast between me having fun on my own and with my partner. So I’d say just take the pressure off and forget about climaxing… it’s not the point of sex anyway. And then maybe once you’ve taken the pressure off and he too… fireworks will happen. I would also suggest that he change his porn-watching routine (not saying porn is bad at all by the way). If you get used to orgasming a specific way, i. e with porn, it’s hard to do it in other circumstances, i. e with a real-life partner. It’s a bit like when women can only orgasm with a vibrator… they may struggle during penetration. So maybe avoid the porn for a while? Just an idea!

  • There is a medical condition that makes it impossible for a man to cum. I can't remember the name, but it sounds like he might suffer from it or something like it.

    He's reassured you he loves what you're doing, sexually. So this isn't your fault. Neither is it his. It's just how his body is.

    Especially since he's frustrated, too, recommend he visits his doctor to talk about this. There's treatment for most cases.

    Neither of you are at fault. Neither of you are doing anything wrong. Unfortunately, sometimes human bodies are just borked.

    Remember that cumming isn't the only object of sex. As long as you both enjoy your time, that's what matters most.

    Try to get him into the doctor's. They'll be able to help investigate.

    • This is a really good answer.

    • He won’t go to the doctor he doesn’t think it’s a medical condition

    • LOL this entire thread would be very different with the genders reversed. Gotta love those double standards 😂

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guy

  • im 17 and i have the same problem, its not the girls fault at all im very sexually attracted to them, its just a me thing.. i have to i guess warm up to a female before cumming its weird i guess but it may be like a nervous thing or something.. or i just last long and none of them can stick through it to find out.. i dont think you should blame yourself or give another guy a blowjob thats the dumbest thing I've ever heard, i would just tell him to quit watching porn and give it a week or 2 then try again, he may be so used to porn he can't cum without it.. he doesn't have a diesease that makes it where he can't cum because like you said he can make himself cum, people are so dumb with these replies lol

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What Girls & Guys Said

8 38

  • meet another guy and give him a blowjob to see how it works out... you seem serious i mean a 30 minute blowjob is dedicated... he could have a problem... don't think of yourself as a slut just because you give someone a blowjob it's very natural plus whoever it is i'm sure will be happy about it... but you have to see if you can make other guys cum from your blowjobs.

    • It’s not just blowjobs that he can’t cum from, it’s sex too. I thought most guys can cum from sex like we could have sex for an hour too and he won’t cum. I feel guilty because he’s sexually frustrated and it makes him cranky towards me too

    • then you may have a guy that can't cum... but try another guy in any event to get your confidence back... you seem totally broken and shattered from this and i mean it sincerely.

  • Well from what I read it's not you're fault. When a man has his own way of doing things that goes paired with precise type of excitement stimulation then he probably is used to it and the only way to arrange this is to cut his routine. Takes a while and is not easy, but definitely worth it.

  • Hubby went through a period of time that he couldn't get it up. We tried all the pills, counselling and diet but nothing could get things going. We did a lot of cuddling and tried porn but nothing helped. I thought our sex lives were done.

    Then, one morning out of no where he had an erection. I woke him up and said its back. That was about 10 years ago.

    We don't know what caused the problem or what solved it but it seems to have resolved itself.

    We (women) aren't the only ones with issues, give it some time.

    • Men can often have erections in the morning. Might be related to hormones cycles during the day. They say that testosterone secretion is at its peak during morning hours, that might be one of the reasons.

    • @artgorgeous Yeah, I know that. He used to have boners every morning, he still does but not everyday. I believe the term is "morning wood."

  • Why do you think it's your fault? It sounds like he is the one with the sexual problem.

  • We went through a stage like this very early in our relationship. It turns out that my attention was not focused on her enough, and what helped us was more quality time together before intimacy.
    If he is able to come from watching pornography, that may be a bit of the problem, since that really is not based on real relationships.
    he needs to get mentally excited about being with you again, so quit worrying about what you're doing and focus on what the two of you can do to increase happiness.

  • Could be a long shot but ask him to lay off the porn for a bit say a few weeks. First few days should be easy, after that it’s time to pull out the big guns, give him some eye candy at home for a few hours. porn has the potential to warp the mind creating unrealistic expectations. It could be something else and either way as mentioned it’s not his fault but it’s worth a shot. ✌️

  • I bet it's porn addiction.

  • Try a lubed handjob while you finger his prostate (lubed also ( he will love it and shoot off like a fire hose

  • He's definitely has a addiction to porn and can't get off without it

  • I think he has a porn addiction problem ergo you are not the problem and nor should you feel bad about it.

    He needs to seek help.

  • Everyone's orgasm is their own. It's all in their head. If they can't have one, that's on them. A lot of people like to blame others for their mental illness though.

  • Believe me, that's your boyfriend's fault. Guys can do it with Lucy Lefty and Rachel Righty, so any hangup is on them.

    • So I guess it's also the guy's if the girl can't get off lol ok ##idiot

    • Also, you just know that getting off isn't any easier for men than it is for women 🤡🤡

  • Sounds like a porn addiction

    • Why so? He doesn’t really watch it that much

    • It takes him hours to do it even with porn and picky about what ti watch in the first place sounds like years of watching too much porn

  • Stop trying so hard to make him cum. Be a little selfish and do things that make you cum. You might find that relaxes him to the point where he cums too.

    General Rule: When you keep trying to do something and it doesn't work the way you want, try something completely different.

  • His problem. He needs to go to a doctor.

    • He won’t go , doesn’t think it’s a medical problem

    • From what you described, i feel like 90% of men would cum in like first 10-15 minutes of sex. Maybe try changing position, maybe try more lube? Maybe try even anal?

    • We do try lots of positions, he doesn’t like anal so much. I don’t really get it. I think he thinks our sex like is boring so I feel responsible for him not cuming and honestly it makes me feel bad I want him to be satisfied

  • He needs to lay off the porn and masturbation for a couple weeks. This is not your fault and common with guys who have a porn addiction issue or use a “death grip” on themselves. Fortunately he can do a reset of sorts by laying off altogether or at least not using so much pressure.

  • It doesn't sound like it has anything to do with you. My guess is he's cumming too frequently. I suggest having him not cum for a week or more and try again.

    • He doesn’t really cum at all, like he said he hasn’t cum in weeks not even with porn

    • Is he drinking or using drugs (prescription or street)?

    • He does drink but a normal amount only at the weekends

    • Show All

  • He may have a medical problem. Or maybe it is all in his head.

  • Nothing is wrong with you. He’s just so used to the feeling, pressure, touch of his own hand that his penis is conditioned to it - in short he’s used to masturbating his penis with his own hand. Try a sex toy on him - you both could have fun together 😉

  • Porn addicts make the worst lovers.

  • Show More (26)

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