I don't like clitoral orgasms. Am I destined for bad sex?

WHile I can get clitoral orgasms, they take a long time, are over in less than five seconds, are not powerful, and leave me feeling flat, underwhelmed, depressed and turned off from sex. When I was younger I used to still have hope for a satisfying sex life because I thought at least I might achieve vaginal orgasms like g-spot and stuff but have since learned most women can't, and I don't think i can either. It's caused me to kind of feel just apprehensive about having sex. Is there a way I can help myself enjoy it more?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Maybe stimulating you clit yourself doesn't do it for you.

    Have you ever received oral? It's a way different sensation.

    I had one particular girlfriend who was hypersexual and orgasmic. She loved cock. We had sex several times a day and often for hours at a time without a break.
    She got really turned on and could even orgasm from breast and nipple stimulation. She told me that the sensation went straight to her pussy.
    But, oddly enough, she didn't really care about cunnilingus.

    So just because you don't get off much to auto-stimulation, you might like something else.

    • hmm i don't know cuz I've tried fingering myself and never felt anything

  • Yes there are ways to enjoy the experience more. Is your goal more pleasure or do you want a successful sex life with a partner?

    • both i guess would be great

    • Like you, when I started exploring my sexuality as a teenager and started to learn how to stimulate myself I also felt some discouragement as just masturbating felt good but didn’t last long after. It took having a lover and learning that the orgasm is only a small part of the experience to better appreciate sex. So often I even see questions and anxiety on here about intercourse and how people freak out that’s it’s the most important part. With more exploration and experimenting it’s just a puzzle piece. Have you opened up to exploring sex or does your fear hold you back?

    • I mean I might if I met the right guy but yep fear is holding me back a bit. Not like that I'm scared of sex itself or something. But I feel like sexual satisfaction us really important in a relationship, and if I can't get it I'll start to just see sex as a chore and resent it

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • What about regular sex or the g spot do they work better?

    • Never been able to feel the G-spot

  • You might enjoy anal. Or, if you have a good imagination you may get off from blowjobs.

    • Most women actually hate anal, so no thanks

    • Most women hate the idea of anal. Girls who want to enjoy it pretty much all end up enjoying it. I can't say it's better than normal sex for most women but if normal sex is already not your thing it might be worth at least investing in some toys to see how it goes.

    • guess we can agree to disagree. from what I hear many women feel pressured into anal by their partners who like it, and secretly find it very uncomfortable.

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  • Thrust me... you just need to find the right person who is actually touches the right buttons with you. Find someone with some experience and I have no doubt you are going to enjoy it fully 😉

    • I don't know how to do that tho

    • It's very important to communicate during the sex. Tell a guy when is he hitting the right spot and correct him politely when he does something wrong. Just give him some guidance and directions

    • What if nothing feels all that nice tho? And how do you find someone experienced?

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  • Let your partner know what you need to make your eyes roll back into your head.
    The right person will be happy to oblige you.
    And of course if you were to reciprocate would also be a good thing.
    Because the better sex is for you the more likely you are to want to get busy

    • I'm not sure you read my post. The only way I've ever been able to orgasm was through clitoral stim. And I don't enjoy it at all. It makes me feel turned off and depressed afterward and underwhelmed. I have no idea what will make my eyes roll back in my head.

    • time to experiment with toys etc. One never knows what can help you along.

  • This is far too broad and personal a topic to be asking such questions to strangers.
    You've got to figure it out for yourself.

  • Have you asked gynecologist? That seems odd.

    • I don't have one. Too many people have had bad experiences. I don't think its that odd. Lots of my friends don't like clitoral orgasms much either, it's just what we have to settle for.

    • I'm concerned you don't have one. You should!! As far as orgasm I guess so. Can you achieve better yourself masturbating? Maybe teach him how if you can?

    • No, that's the thing. Masturbation, the only thing I've achieved is clitoral orgasms, and as stated in the post, they just depress me, make me feel flat, and underwhelmed, and turn me off sex and any kind of touch.

  • Sex can be good without orgasms if you have a healthy relationship with an emotional connection

    • I mean, for some women sure, but that's a narrative pressed on them and not on men, which seems unfair, cuz most of us need orgasms to enjoy sex just as much as guys

    • Try being in a loving healthy relationship first

  • Don't focus on reaching orgasm.

  • Lol, "destined for bad sex" is a funny way to put it.

  • Have you tried anal? I’ve heard the orgasms from that are very intense.

    • no and I don't want to. That's mostly something women just feel pressured to pretend to like that really only guys are super obsessed about.

    • Understandable. Just thought it might be worth trying since the other stuff isn’t.

  • Get therapy. If you're already feeling apprehensive it will only get worse.

    • how on earth would therapy help

    • You could work on your apprehension towards orgasm and possibly have a fulfilling sex life.

    • I dont see how tho. i'm not like scared of sex itself, just don't like clitoral orgasms and feel depressed that that's the only thing i could get in my sex life.

  • You should be able to achieve both. One might be easier to achieve than others; but you have both parts so you should be able to reach orgasm from both. Have you ever had multiple orgasms?

    • wdym by multiple?

    • More than one in a short span of time. Like 5-10 minutes.

    • No. A 2d always takes like twice as much time and I rarely feel like going to the effort, as just one immediately turns me off.

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  • No. Not if you can have vaginal orgasms. Cumming together is amazing.

    • don't think I can

    • That’s sad, but probably not true. Find a partner who cares and puts the timer into working with you.

  • I think your (understandable) apprehension is holding you back from being able to enjoy vaginal sexual pleasure

    Whilst more women cannot orgasm from vaginal penetrative sexual intercourse, and masturbation, it doesn't necessarily mean you cannot

    Perhaps if you dm me I can tell you a few things that helped my best female friend/sexual partner to enjoy vaginal penetrative sexual pleasure & orgasms?

    • hmm i don't really like dming people cuz I've had some really creepy experiences. Is there another way?

    • Not really - prefer not to go into such detail publicly

    • okay