I don’t want to have sex with my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

So I have a very bad track record when it comes to sex. My first boyfriend dumped me almost immediately after he took my virginity because I wasn’t “as good as he thought I’d be”. A few months later I tried having sex with a friend to get some practice/experience, but I couldn’t go through it and I left in the middle of it. My first week of college I met a guy at a party and he nearly tried to rape me the next day. When I refused and struggled he threw me out of his room and told people he had sex with me anyone. I find the act physically pleasurable, but mentally it’s a challenge for me. I met my current boyfriend like a few days later. We’ve been together for nearly 3 years. When we first started having sex I would have panic attacks and sometimes even cry. He was a virgin so he was ok with taking it slow, and over time our sex life improved. Or so I thought. I started taking some medications that kind of killed my sex drive. We started having sex less and less and he started complaining. So I made it a personal rule that I would AT THE LEAST go down on him everyday. He said that made him uncomfortable because it was out of my character and he didn’t want to feel like he was pressuring me into sex, so he refused to let me go down on him or initiate sex. I felt really conflicted because he kept complaining about not having enough sex, but then he wouldn’t let me initiate sex. One day out of the blue he initiated sex, and insisted that I be on top. I said no because I always feel really uncomfortable on top, I don’t know what I’m doing, and it can be physically painful for me sometimes. He insisted. The sex was really awful. Immediately afterwards (I hadn’t even gotten off of him yet) he started shouting at me telling me that I’m bad in bed, and that I’m lazy in bed, and a bunch of other stuff. I just started crying and left out. It was the first time he had ever talked to me like that. He apologized, but I just don’t feel comfortable being sexual with him anymore.

[Zealashton]

sorry to burst your bublle girl. but that guy just litterly said that to do
a pump and dump. he used you. just for sex.

on side note beisde that bad news

you can learn lots from porn videos. but most of the shit is for filming.
but dogy style. cow girl. amazaon reverse amazon. pill drivers. reverse pill driver.
boob job. blow job. more like sucking like a loli pop .

also MGM ruins sex. male genital mutailation. forskin allows for better sex for both parties. cut men become erctially dis fuctional.

further more. dont let this turn you into a feminist nazi. and stay away from date sits.

besides that. hopfuly u do find an actual man. try dating a weeb. aka a man that likes anime. and loves dogs. those types usally will be the best picks.

[Asker]

We’ve been together three years. I think if he was just trying to “pump and dumped” he would’ve dumped me three years ago. I’ve seen porn and all that, it’s just that some positions are literally just very painful for me. I’m already a feminist, and why should I try dating a “web”?

[Zealashton]

lols. take my words withj grain of salt. most positions are just for fimling. also weebs are basiclly people that like anime. but here's a tip. if they love dogs. there a good person

[MrOracle]

I don't know if you just happen to live in a pocket of asshole men, or if you are just really bad at picking guys, but you've had some awful experiences with guys. My advice is to focus your next choice on how the guy treats you (with care and respect) over whatever other considerations you are using, because so far, the guys you've chosen have been absolutely terrible.

[Asker]

I haven’t dated many guys. The first one was a total piece of shit, but I was 16 and stupid then. I trusted him because he was my friend for MONTHS, and he treated me really well until we finally had sex. The guy who had nearly raped me was literally a stranger. I met him at a college party during orientation week, we exchanged numbers, he asked to hang out the next day, and then when we hung out things turned sour. I met my current boyfriend a few days after that and he was the only one who believed me, and tried to defend me. He’s really a good guy. We’ve been together 3 years and it’s actually been a great relationship. He’s never EVER behaved this way. I am definitely not trying to excuse what he did, but he isn’t “absolutely terrible”.

[Blublub]

The series of men you have been sexual with sound terrible him included. You deserve better than that asshole. He knows you have trauma related to sex so he should’ve never treated you like that

[AngelLily]

I think you should take some time off and get help for your past problems also he shouldn't be treating you like that.

[PrudentGuy]

"Sex and the City" has an episode with the punchline "Are we dating the same person over and over again?"

I think the answer to your case is a definite yes.

I have an Opinion: why not take a break and stop all romantic dating for say 6 months to a year?

Just focus in your study and do everything but sex and romance.

After that, start new without any trace of the past (now).

[Asker]

I’ve tried that. After my first shitty ass boyfriend I promised myself that I wouldn’t date again until I found someone that treated me right. I asked my current boyfriend out because he treated me like a queen. We were good friends. He was the only person who believed me after that guy nearly raped me, and he confronted him for me. He’s emotionally supportive, he buys me food, he keeps me company, he buys me clothes and gifts, he’s even paid some of my school fees before, he is not a bad guy. He has always been considerate of my feelings, he’s never hit me, or cheated on me, or ever tried to put me down, until THIS. I know he’s not a bad guy. He is definitely not the same as my ex.

[PrudentGuy]

Maybe it's time to believe that "All man are sinners" and be a lesbian (😄😄😄 just joking). Perhaps this is life. Love is not about complaining but about complementing. It's not about accusing but excusing. Maybe its time for you to ask yourself "how loving am I?"

[CharlieDMX]

I think it's time to leave. That precedent is a bad sign for your future