I dont feel attracted to my friends with benefits anymore.. what should I do?

[I_will_love_you]

Me and this guy have been friends with benefits since November.. we would hang out almost once a week, and besides that we would text each other everyday, so it wasn't an only sex thing, we were more than that but neither of us would want a relationship. I used to be really attracted to him but last year he changed a lot physically, he went from fit to overweight, his lifestyle became quite unhealthy, he drinks and smokes a lot, eats junk food. Im quite a fit person so I value when people take care of themselves. But I also know he struggled with depression so I try to be comprehensive. But the thing is, the decrease in my attraction to him affects my desire to have sex, and sometimes I feel like I only do things to please him, ignoring what I trully want. I feel like Im losing my dignity since I put my pleasure aside in order to make him feel good. We are very good friends and I obviously wouldn't tell him these things, but I also dont know how to deal with this situation since we still talk almost everyday. I haven't been with him in a while due to lockdown in my country, but now that we are going to hang out soon I dont know what to do. Dont want to hurt his feelings. We aren't just normal friends with benefits's, we talk a lot, watch a lot of movies.. We dont have romantic feelings for each other but we definitely have some connection. I care about what he thinks so this is hard for me. But I also dont think its fair for myself to do things only for the pleasure of others... I still want to be his friend and hang out with him, but I just dont feel good doing sexual things anymore. My physical attraction to him is gone, but the intelectual isn't.

[Red_Arrow]

You are feeling stuck with him now. He has been only a FOB, not a relationship of love. You care enough as a friend that you should give him an explanation why you are moving on, but moving in is what you should do. You cannot be expected to continue the sex with someone you do not love, and who is no longer sexually interesting to you.

[The_Maphio]

Tell him that you don't feel like it anymore.
If the guy has interest in you as a friend, you'll keep 'em, otherwise you'll lose 'em.

Consequence of even ever starting this kind of relationship. You gotta face it.

[1stranger]

Baby, if you love a person, you love them with all their positive and negative qualities.
This is love. Otherwise, leaving them in a situation you don't like is not love. How would you feel if you were the weight gainer and he thought like you? Empathy honey, a little empathy..

[nightdrot]

Was going to write my own response, but you nailed it in a handful of words. (Probably fewer words than I would have used, in fact.) Bang on the money!! You got it exactly right and the questioner might better look more deeply into what motivates her and drives her character.

[I_will_love_you]

I know that lol. But as I said I dont love him and he doesn't love me. We are just friends with benefits's. Not in a relationship, not commited. But I still dont want to hurt his feelings. Sometimes I even feel he just talks to me when he is lonely, which is fine for me, but still shows that im not a priority.

[1stranger]

@nightdrot Thank you very much.. @I_will_love_you Lol.. I think you both are one level above the friendship with benefits

[nightdrot]

First, you set the terms of the relationship together. Sexual relief and in that sense you are not entitled to expect much more. Beyond that, though, if you don't care, why do you care? Then you tell him that you just don't feel like continuing a sexual relationship. It should not matter to you what he thinks or feels. Of course, he is a fellow human being. He does have feelings and here is where empathy matters. Nothing obliges you to continue the relationship, but calling him a "fat slob" is the opposite extreme. It is that old Golden Rule thing about doing unto others and all that. That is where @1stranger's point about empathy comes into play. Option B. start doing things with him that might get him into a more healthy lifestyle. You don't have to be romantically involved. He is a friend and when we are concerned about a turn a friend's life has taken we step in to help. Bottom line, @1stranger is right. You set up a relationship where he was a tool to be used. Now you get to see if you can be more than that. It will say a lot about your character as to which way it goes.

[nightdrot]

You are quite welcome. You showed real depth, consideration and insight. It was a great answer.

[I_will_love_you]

@nightdrot i obviously care about what he feels. I want him to be happy and to feel good. Thats why I said this situation is difficult for me because i just can't say "I dont want this anymore". I always try to help him, I give him advice on diet, exercise, but he doesn't care much. I feel like he is comfortable with the fact that Im there whenever he is horny or something so he doesn't need to look fir someone else because Im a good option and Im available. Obviously I know he likes me as a person and cares for me as I do for him, but still.. I dont want to be more than fwbs and he doesn't as well. I just sometimes feel like Im giving away my body without really wanting to because I care too much about what the other person wants.

[nightdrot]

Then you have a choice to make, don't you? As far as you being such a good person that you are giving your body away just to be nice - that stretches credulity just a bit, don't you think? Bottom line, if you don't want to do something, stop doing it. There are no assurances that will result in a happy ending. Even doing the right thing - in an imperfect world of imperfect beings - does NOT assure you of a happy ending. Bottom line is that you are making excuses for your supine inaction. It is time to grow up, make a decision and live with the consequences. The only question remaining being what is the most decent and humane way to implement the course you decide to take.