Is it perhaps a feeling of emptiness because the act lacks any real pleasure? If you engage in an unpleasurable act, and one that you consider taboo, only out of obligation to your husband, I can understand how it could make you feel dirty. Our bodies were created to enjoy sex, even yours. The pleasure is intended to build desire and promote intimacy with your partner. To share that experience with your husband, you first need to explore and develop your own sexuality. If you have never experienced an orgasm, I assume that you are also self conscious about touching yourself. Masturbation is a normal part of human sexuality. If you can't find pleasure in yourself, how can you share pleasure with your husband? If you ask him in an open and nonjudgmental way, he will likely admit that he touches himself regularly. If you don't learn to physically love yourself, you won't be able to share that experience with your partner. The lack of intimacy will have a corrosive affect on your relationship. I would recommend that you visit " the-clitoris. com ". The site is a serious, not pornographic, exploration of female sexuality. You experience is not unique. Good luck, I hope you learn to find pleasure, for the sake of your marriage and your own mental health.
Sorry, you said guilty, not dirty. Yes we all deserve pleasure.
I feel both.
You have a warped attitude to sex, and feel ashamed of your own sexuality. The waiting until your wedding night thing is a good indicator of this.
I'm really sorry to hear that - you need to relax and enjoy yourself. There is nothing dirty or shameful about sex. It is the most natural thing in the world. Convincing you otherwise as was probably the case during your upbringing, that is the unnatural thing.
It takes time to undo years of conditioning. Also, sex can take longer to be enjoyable for the female partner at first, which can lead to disconnect when her hubby finds it the most exciting thing ever and wants it nonstop. You need to reframe your beliefs. Sex isn't a dirty thing you avoided so long - it's a wonderful thing you waited to cherish.
I had some issues with sex due to past abuse, and a book called "Because It Feels Good" was very helpful. It's basic, but it's more about getting out of your own head and letting yourself relax and enjoy sex.
Also, while much is made of men's high sex drive and his "needs" ... Satisfying sex and orgasm is a normal drive of females, too. In fact, the clitoris seems to be designed specifically for sexual pleasure and orgasm can be one of the most pair bonding experiences due to hormones released at that time that have a big impact on females. Your body is set up to connect in this way. Do not feel shame for your natural design. It takes practice and patience to get there, but it's not a shameful thing.
It's something in your self conscious. Maybe childhood issues that haven't been resolved or lack of trust or insecurity.
He's your husband so you should definitely talk with him about it. There's no set rules for intimacy with your spouse, you both should be very open about how you feel. Hopefully he'll understand and you can both figure out a way to make sex enjoyable for both of you.
That's because you were taught sex is unholy, ungodly and dirty :P
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Oh dear :( What sort of upbringing did you have regarding sex?
Were you raised in an overly religious household?
I am willing to bet you are religious. Religion fucks up with people's head...
Because you were socialized to think and feel that "sex is dirty and wrong".
It isn't. So stop thinking that.
Have you two tried foreplay?
That's the part that makes me feel guilty. I can zone out during intercourse, I don't feel anything.
The short answer is because you've been wrongfully brought up believing sex is in some way bad.
We didn't talk about it much, sex was a hush hush subject at home. I knew it was meant for marriage, that I was responsible to stay a virgin, I had to dress modestly. My "sex talk" was a book two weeks before I got married. My school didn't teach sex Ed.
Interesting
It's just your own insecurities, you should probs do something about that unless you wanna pass up orgasms... and you do NOT want that. Lol
There is absolutely no reason to feel guilty.
You need to work on your self esteem.
Enjoy your life, nothing to be worried of
This is a strange question. Most people can't wait to have sex. If you can't have sex with hubby, then who can you have sex with? It will get better the more you do it.
I was excited about sex before we got married three years ago. On our wedding night im not sure how many times we had sex, but the next morning i felt guilty like I had lost something. Since then I just submit to sex when he wants it, I can't deny him sex when im his only outlet.
You can deny him if you don't feel good about it at that moment. Sex is an intimate and emotional thing and if you are going to submit to it when it's not what you want, its going to make you bitter about anything sexual and your sex life will be horrible. This way of thinking is very old school. Back in the early to mid1900s girls were taught to serve men in this way. It's not a good way to be for your own piece of mind. Sex should be enjoyable for you as well as him. I'm actually surprised he can't sense how you are feeling because most men could. It leads me to believe that he isn't in touch with your feelings or emotional needs or he is just out to fulfill his own. You need to talk to him and tell him how you are feeling because this can only get worse and could ruin your marriage
When we first got married i thought every time he had an erection I had to submit to sex of some sort, which confused my husband. I didn't think I was supposed to like sex, I didn't think I was supposed to feel anything. The first two years sex was uncomfortable, this past year it's been very painful. I don feel like I can all of the sudden say no to sex when I haven't objected to it all these years. I have to admit i found out what my clitoris was a couple of weeks before my wedding. My first memory of seeing it was when i was really little, my mime was getting a bath ready for me and I asked her what it was. She told me to stop what I was doing and not to do it again, so I didn't. Getting aroused makes me feel guilty, it makes me feel like a whore I guess. My husband, when we were dating, was tickling me to be funny and I got aroused-he didn't intend to do that. I felt devastated, I hated the way I felt. I couldn't believe my mind went there, how does tickling = arousal? It shouldn't.
Religious, I take it? Irrational and unnecessary guilt is a common side effect, especially when it comes to sexual matters.
A Christian yes. Sex is supposed to be a beautiful gift shared between husband and wife, but its starting to feel more like a curse to me. What did i do wrong?
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