I feel really uncomfortable during sexual intimacy sometimes?

I don't understand why it comes and goes... like I love my boyfriend and I find him attractive but sometimes I don't want him to touch me at all and I hate myself and feel so uncomfortable that I want to die.
I was molested by my grandfather at a young age a long time ago, do you think that has anything to do with it?
I feel really uncomfortable during sexual intimacy sometimes?
1 1

Superb Opinion

  • Sex is extremely vulnerable. It is designed to open us up, removing physical and emotional barriers between us. Which is one of the reasons it is so intense. But because of that very vulnerability, emotions why have not processed or have hidden can suddenly come to the surface. This is why people sometimes randomly start crying, laughing, or experience strange emotions that are disconnected from the arousal they are experiencing.

    So yes, it is very likely you are experiencing some deep unresolved feelings that are buried so deep that they can only escape during the vulnerability of sex.

    My recommendation, after having discussed this with your boyfriend, is to not repress or shame yourself for these feelings, but instead examine them with curiosity. Seeking to understand them without judgment. And your boyfriend can really help

Most Helpful Guy

  • I mean, sometimes I don’t want a woman to touch me at all.


    We’re all human.
    We want our privacy, personal space, and calm sometimes.


    I like steak, but if I eat it just a few times in a row, I’m going to hate seeing a piece of steak the next time I see one.


    It doesn’t take long to get too much of something and want to take a break.


    Sometimes, you’re just in a certain mood and don’t feel like having sex or any amount of intimacy

    • Yeah you're not understanding what I'm saying.

    • Okay, I think your past trauma may have something to do with why you react this way from time to time. Maybe you need more qualified help. You kind of answered your own question though once you thought what you experienced in the past affects what you experience now.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Yes, its been over 12 years since I was raped and to this day, it can feel uncomfortable and sometimes I just start crying and can't proceed.

    Having trauma such as this, can go many different ways. It can make someone hypersexual (that would be me) or it can make someone have zero interest in anything sexual or anywhere in between.

    I'd say its normal for your situation, if your able to, you can try some therapy see if it helps.

    • Very true. I have the same traumatic issues. I’m hypersexual with a complex about it…

    • @Charliefretz329 Years of therapy didn't really help me, people think therapy fixes everything. It really doesn't, but it is always worth a shot as it can help some people. I will say it did help me in some aspects but not this. Sorry to hear something bad happened to you, I'm very sympathetic.

    • Therapy rarely makes things worse but some things can’t be fixed

  • I think that has a lot to do with it. You may not be over it. Have you been to therapy recently about it? Also did you two finally move in with each other? That could be raising things as well, depending on how what happened in your past

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 12
  • Yes maybe it because of your trauma.

  • It happens, I have told him several times, not tonight. He is ok with it. I am ok if he just jerks off.

  • I absolutely believe that is true, somewhere in your subconscious that is going through your head when you're with your boyfriend. Hopefully over time in leasens

  • I think that has a lot to do with it

  • Past sexual trauma could very likely have a lot to do with this. Try to go easy on yourself, as it’s not your fault at all. Hopefully your boyfriend is understanding. He should be.

  • Being molested could have lasting effects. It may help to discuss what you're feeling with your doctor.

  • Please get back to a trusted counselor. That’s a traumatic experience that is probably harming you more than just sexually.

  • I would imagine that likely has something to do with it. Though this sort of thing actually is naturally occuring. I read about it a few years back. I wish I could remember the conditions official name, but I don't recall. You may be able to find it if you dig through Google or something.

  • You need to see a therapist and work out some of these issues. They will only get worse

  • Whoa. How does he react when you’re feeling like you want to die though? Do you tell him?

    • No I don't tell him

    • Oh gotcha. Yeah, I don’t know how I would react if I was him. Have you told him about the abuse from your childhood?

    • Yeah he knows about it but I don't think he knows the extent to what it makes me feel

    • Show All
  • I too have been molested

    • I'm sorry

  • Sexual trauma at a young age really fucks up a persons sexual thoughts. I had a lot of trauma
    Myself and understand the uncomfortable vibes

  • Sorry you were molested ask a mental health professional. You were a victim, you are loved by somebody.

    • Thank you

    • You are welcome I sincerely hope your life gets better.

  • Your past experience would have a lot to do with it, and i am so sorry to hear about your experiences

  • Probably you should see someone

  • It could be from past trauma, have you ever gotten counseling for your experience?

    • Briefly but I need to go back to counseling