I feel uncomfortable with my girlfriend sleeping with her friend?

So I am not sure how this one will go, my girlfriend has a friend who is gay, we had talks and she would only be comfortable with me sleeping in a bed with someone for example who is lesbian if I had known them a long long time and know they are 100% lesbian.

Here is the thing, I understand that but at the same time I do feel uncomfortable and wondered if I have any reason to be?

Back story, originally we spoke about boundaries as there was cuddling/intimacy while sleeping/she would cuddle him every time he was upset as he cries at everything and I think that's something you should do with a partner, she got defensive, took it the wrong way as I thought she was being sexual and didn't trust her. I explained it's not about sex, I know it's intimacy but I think it should be with partners and I see it as an emotional thing, regardless if she was doing it with male/female or any gender and regardless of sexuality. She did agree

However shortly after, she told me about how he was proud to show off a sex video of himself to her being screwed, how he left her at a cafe once said he was nipping to the bathroom, ended up going across the road to the park, got given a bj, came back and gave her all the details. He had a partner who couldn't see him one day due to work, felt hurt so decided to look around for a guy to screw instead.

I guess my concern is they do go out and drink a lot, then crash at his. While I trust my girlfriend, this guy simply has no boundaries and doesn't seem to understand/respect them and drinking impairs peoples thinking. While this guy is gay, which doesn't matter to me, it doesn't stop him overstepping a boundary or doing something stupid, or just thinking I am horny one night i'll try something.

Any advice? and have I got any reason to feel uncomfortable?
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Superb Opinion

  • Your girlfriend’s friend seems a little immature as he is overly extroverted about his sexuality.
    although it all seems a little weird for you ( and me), sounds like your girlfriend just treats him like “one of the girls”, and nothing to worry about.
    I guess If it were my girlfriend I’d want to know more... is she fascinated by his slutty behavior, Or amused? Does she like taking care of him? Also sounds like she’s a bit of a therapist for him.

    • See I agree with the therapist part, he does have things he needs to look into and from my perspective, when he cries on the bed curls up and she said she has to cuddle him and he has a crap mom and things, she does this very often. But at same time I don't see him going to get help, and the bit that worries me is the fact he will cheat, take risks without consequences and when they do sleep together, they do often go out drinking etc. which of course clouds his judgment even more. I guess part of me isn't happy with the situation being like that as it could potentially cause a risk to the relationship or various other situations could arise from a person like that. She does seem to like the fact that he is opinionated, speaks his mind, says what he wants no matter what, will speak about literally anything. apparently a person in the queue annoyed him once for speaking loud, so he turned round told her to shut up as she was loud. I get where she wants to look after the guy, at same time I find that's neglecting our relationship and where it's heading if she is always looking after him.

    • Yeah, that sucks man. When she’s neglecting your relationship for him then that’s not good. She needs to spend less time with her friend... it also doesn’t sound healthy

    • One of her other friends also feels uncomfortable with him because of his opinions and other things, her other friend said something about a waitress in a pub meanly because she didn't like the way the waitress looked. I don't think my girlfriend can tell the difference between opinions and things which aren't fully right. Her friends boyfriend did look at the waitress and as disrespectful as that was she started slagging off the waitress loud enough for her to hear and make her feel bad. I was like that's out of order and she didn't deserve that, my girlfriend was like she was just speaking her mind, was upset and it's an opinion. I was like nahh that still doesn't make it right

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I’d be a little uncomfortable tbh. This guy seems very sexual and doesn’t seem to have many boundaries (he’s very open about sex with your girlfriend). He might be bi. At the same time though I wouldn’t make this a deal breaker. A girl and a guy can definitely sleep in the same bed and nothing sexual happens. And if it does, maybe you just have to trust her to handle things on her own if he hits on her.

    • that's the thing I trust her to handle things but at the same time I am like... does it have to get to that part, it's not like I am saying she can't be friends, go out do everything the same. Just not sleep in the same bed together, I mean its uncomfortable thinking that a person who will take risks without consequences or has no boundaries and will cheat on his own partner, sometimes that they drink together and crash back at his. With the affect of alcohol clouding hid judgement and being like that as well, I honestly don't trust him and it does indeed pose a risk to the relationship so it would be better to just not be in that situation, I slightly don't understand why someone can't just be friends without sleeping together. But at same time I do understand as you said, I might need to let it run it's course and just be there if something does happen

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