Sexual Relationships
+1 y

I found an empty condom wrapper in my date's bed last night, should I be concerned?

So yesterday this girl I've been seeing hit me up to hang out yesterday. It was our 3rd date and we are not in a relationship yet, but once we were getting ready to have sex, we were laying in her bed and I found an empty Trojan wrapper in her bed sheet. She saw that I noticed, giggled and said that's trash. We still had sex, and yes I wore a condom, but the thing is I have feelings for her and we have so much in common. I know we're not official so it's not cheating but at the same time I just got a slight vibe if that makes any sense. I mean who leaves empty condom wrappers in bed? I like her but should I be concerned and be super cautious?
Updates:
+1 y
by the way this is not a slut shaming post or anything to attack her. I just liked this person a lot, I realize we're not together but since it was our 3rd date last night, I was thinking about asking what her intentions were and that made me a little iffy.
+1 y
So I gave her some space after we last saw each other, sent her a casual hey what's up yesterday and she still hasn't responded. Think she might be embarassed or mad at me even though I haven't brought it up?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Who leaves empty condom wrappers? Lots of people. You tear those things open, you aren't going to then get up and go to the trash can to deposit the wrapper - the moment is already spoiled enough by having to open and out on a condom.

    Guess what, you're not the only dude she's had sex with. You need to be okay with not being exclusive yet and not catch the feels too soon.

    • I know I'm not the only dude she's had sex with, but since last night was our 3rd date and I felt pretty close to her, I was gonna ask what her intentions but seeing that caused me to hold off on that talk. I know we're not exclusive and usually I don't get attached too easily but I did feel a connection early on and sometimes you just can't help how you feel.

    • It won't be easy but it's best you hold your tongue for now and just enjoy hanging out with her.

    • Yeah and believe me I ain't ruling it out or ending it with her over this. I mean if we were actually official then it'd be a different story.

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  • Evidently she fucks around a lot. Could be a good thing, or not. Just know what you're getting in to, and likely she'll continue to do so whether you're together or not.

    • So what you're saying is she'll cheat? The thing is I don't go out of my way to find out a girl's past let alone judge her for it, but at the same time if a girl volunteers info like that or in this case leaves evidence behind for me to find out, then I get a little weary and turned off.

    • They'll all cheat if the right Chad comes along - it's called hypergamy. In this case you have one that openly fucks around and everybody thinks it's okay. I suggest you do find out and then decide if you can accept it. Everybody judges - it's called discernment. Is what you see acceptable to you or not? I would be turned off too. Women these days think they can fuck any guy they want and more will still want them, and that's just not the case. They squander their peak SMV 'till they realize maybe they should find a true mate - and then it's too late cuz the good guys have already been taken. 80% of the women are chasing 15% of the guys - the alphas. They are pumped and dumped, and have an unreasonably higher perceived value. And then they hit the wall and none of the good guys want them. This third-wave feminism has not helped women in general at all. They're walking around whining about chivalry lost and 'where are all the good men'. [shrug]

    • Well if we're official then of course not. It's not really so much that she's multi dating, or even fucking someone else, as it's still early on. What turned me off is how I found out that she's sleeping with someone else. I mean I've multi dated and hooked up with a few people early on but made damn sure no one else knew and didn't leave any evidence behind showing that. It's just a don't ask/don't tell ya know? For example, I don't slut shame or go out of my way to find a girls sex history, but I find it a turnoff when they put it out there and boast like it's an accomplishment.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • At least she used protection. Talk to her about it if it bothers you. Maybe y'all should make it official if you don't want her sleeping with someone else. Hopefully, you satisfied her enough to make her forget about the others.

    • Yeah I'm not jumping to any conclusions yet, but it is a red flag that I found out that way. I mean she invited me into her place and her room and I discovered it. It wasn't like I was being nosy and just looked through her room.

    • But in terms of satisfying her, the weird thing is well talk every day every other day whether it's via text, snapchat or Instagram. We have so much in common, and our conversations are endless. She even asked me to hang out, the last times we did. This is why I'm getting mixed signals.

    • lol "mixed signals" ... that's 95% of women, get used to it and don't put too much weight on any of it

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  • 2 possible situations:
    first she had some time with someone else and forgot.
    second she left it there on purpose to see how you react, are you serious with her or just want to get into her pants, time pas

    • Yeah I do wanna get serious with her. This is a girl I can talk all day with. Not that I do but our conversations are endless when we hang out, very touchy feely and flirty when we're together plus we have a ton of things in common. It's relieving to find a girl that I can be myself around, talk about my interests with and other things. Not putting her on a pedestal but know what I mean? I mean I'm not saying she's perfect, but she really is like me in many ways and I'm not making that up just because I like her.

    • i m not good at relationship advice. maybe she put there on purpose and expect you would talk to her about that. If you dont talk about that, it might give her an impression that you dont care about her with whatever whom she sleeps. you dont feel possessive about her

    • Well when she saw me pick it up, she just gasped and went that's trash. But the thing is she hit me up to hang out yesterday and the last time we hung out. And the thing is I really do like her. But she just got out of a 5 year relationship recently and while she hasn't talked about her ex, I wanna take it a little slow and not rush her. In other words; play it by ear.

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  • Uhm you are not officially together sooo yes she can do what she wants with her body.. id look more at the fact of.. does she ever wash her bedding.. lol

    • True. I get that we aren't exclusive, I just like her and have been getting mixed signals from her. I mean I do like her and I'm not trying to rush anything, but wanna know what her intentions are.

    • So ask her, ask her what she thinks is happening in this relationship or where she would like to see this go

    • Yeah I'll definitely ask her next time I see her. I think that conversation is best done in person

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  • she either had a guy over and didn't see it in her bed wanted to see what you would do or she likes how they feel and puts them on a toy she likes to use

    • I'm gonna go with the first, but it ain't over yet. Again not to sound possessive or controlling as we're not official, but there's a difference between multi dating and multi fucking especially when you're 3 or more dates in with someone.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 16

  • I'd be cautious but you need to talk to her about it.

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10152-how-to-talk-to-your-so-about-sex

    • That was a great take. But how should I bring up sex to her, let alone this situation. I mean we aren't in a relationship.

    • You're having sex. Why can't you bring it up?

    • True. I'm just in a tricky situation. The thing is I like this girl a lot, we got a ton of things in common and she's very attractive but she also got out of a 5 year relationship recently. I mean she hasn't complained about her ex or anything but last night since it was our 3rd date and had sex, I was thinking about asking her what her intentions were.

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  • I guess you guys aren't officially dating then...

    • No we're not official, but she still wants to see me. How should I go about this?

    • Well, what do you want? If its something serious then its not with her. she's obviously not ready

    • I do want something serious, not that I'm trying to rush.

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  • "we are not in a relationship yet"

    Then shut up about it.

    • Yes but leaving that shit out there, accidentally or not still gives a bad vibe, especially since she invited me over.

    • Maybe she wanted you to see it, to see your reaction. Maybe she wants to remind you that she can see other people and if you want her to be exclusive to you you'd better say something, and not just assume it.

    • I do want her to be exclusive but I've been taking it slow as she told me the she just got out of a 5 year relationship after the first time we met. But why would people leave that there on purpose? Never heard of people doing that.

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  • So you've been dating her for 5 weeks and she just had sex with you for the first time last, meanwhile, during that 5 week period when you were waiting she was potentially hooking up with other guys?

    Personally I would probably lose interest. I find that insulting.

    • Well we've only seen each other 3 times within 5 weeks. I mean we do have a bit of a distance and she is going to grad school and working full time so it does make it a challenge though we've seen each other more as of late.

  • I think she might be a very sexual girl maybe hooks up a lot - If you are getting "Feelings" for her, talk to her about how you feel.

    • How do I do it without coming off too strong? She just got out of a 5 year relationship recently but we also have a lot in common and get along just fine.

    • If she is just out of a 5 year relationship - I would be careful, keep an eye on things and see how they develop, you might have to accept she may be not ready for a relationship just yet but when time is right tell her.

    • Yeah I've been taking it very slow. It did kinda scare me especially since I got rebounded 3 years ago and I have so much in common with this girl that I felt a connection early on.

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  • You're probably not the only one.

    • Well yeah. I mean I met her online and she's still got an active profile. But there's a difference between figuring she's seeing others then finding out she's having sex with others, especially when you're about to have sex. You know what I mean?

  • i would.. shit it means she prolly had sex with someone else that same day lol

    • Yeah you never know. But it's the assumption. I mean generally I don't shame someone for their sex life but the whole reason the stud/slut double standard exists is because it's way easier for women to get laid than men. Not that it's anything new. I mean it's one thing if a woman has sex early on every once in awhile with someone and it's in the moment. That happens but if they literally sleep with every guy on the first date, especially strangers, then it's a red flag.

    • i dont really care personally... but i dont get into relationships with girls like that usually (not because of choice, it just doesn't happen that way) There is a difference here though-she's the inny, so you are essentially sloshing around in some other dude's soup lol. And some men find it as easy... but not with strangers, just with past lovers.

    • What do you mean it just doesn't happen that way? Usually guys I know make a choice based on that. I mean to be fair I'm no saint. I've definitely hooked up with girls in a small amount of time, but was definitely single. I just didn't put it out there or leave evidence for them to see. And by past lovers do you mean they cheated on past lovers or they just slept with them early on?

  • At least she's prudent. That's a positive point. Get tested, both of you, before proceeding further.

    • Yeah that's very true. It'd be a much bigger red flag if she didn't. I guess it's just too much info when you find that out. Not to sound like a hypocrite but it's like you figure someone had sex then there's actually talking about it and finding out. Know what I mean? This is a little different but there was this tinder date I had where the girl pretty much volunteered her whole sexual history on the first date. I mean I don't slut shame people, but boasting about your sex life and giving too much details is a turnoff due to the vibe it gives.

    • ASker , the condom can also have been used to wrap a dildo. (dildos in soft material are said to contain phtalates ) www.cancer.ca/.../?region=on

    • Yeah but how often does that happen?

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  • Damn what a sloot!
    She should throw things out!
    Plus she didn't wash her sheets after either

    She sounds a bit nasty

  • its like you said OP you and her are not exclusive thats why she is having sex with other guys as well.

    • Yes, but imagine you saw a girl you like that invites you into her room and then find an empty condom wrapper or used condom in her bed? How would you feel?

    • like im not the first guy that day lol. if we are not exclusive and there sex then these things are to be expected.

  • I knew I left that somewhere...

  • Better than finding a cum stain on your pillow

    • True

  • That's kinda weird. Either she has poor hygiene/cleaning skills or she left it there on purpose trying to make you jelly. Either way is a red glad.

    • Why would she leave it on purpose to make me jealous when she hit me up to hang out yesterday? But yeah it's like she may be practicing safe sex and we're not together but there's no good feeling from that. I'd imagine the girl would feel the same way about a guy if she found a used condom/empty condom wrapper. There was one time I saw a girl a few years ago who took her birth control pills in front of me and we never had sex, only made out.

    • It's like yeah i get it that birth control has other purposes than to prevent pregnancy, but taking it in front of a date you're just getting to know is a red flag. Know what I mean?

    • I don't know why she would, but don't get why someone would not clean up when they think a date may be coming over, either. Like I said, weird!

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  • Ergggg thats fucking gross. I would be weary of her. This shows basically shows she either had sex recently with someone else and/or hasn't cleaned her sheets since. Nasty as fuck

    • What about the fact that she giggled and said that's trash when I found it.

    • She meant "It was supposed to go in the trash". Believe it or not, girls are much more sarcastic then guys. That why they aren't direct. Once you know what a women really means, it will make you realise this. Could range from anything from her being shy or a joker, but it doesn't change the fact that she was embarassed. Hence the giggle and the "joke"

    • Yeah I'll see how it goes but It could mean friends with benefits if anything.

  • Sharing is caring

  • Shwe probably just likes to have sex at least she's being safe about it

    • Very true. It'd be a bigger red flag if she didn't use condoms or any kind of protection.

  • Yes. This doesn't sound right.

    • What would you do in that situation?

  • I would definitely be cautious. How long ago was your first date? When did you start talking?

    • First date was 5 weeks ago

    • Wow, I'm not sure I'd even want to continue with it then.

    • Was it your first time having sex with her?

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  • depends on how experienced she is maybe she wanted to try how to use condoms with cucumber before the real thing. At least some youth magazines recommended this a few years ago.

    • I'd imagine pretty experienced. When I went down on her, I ended up licking her clit ring, she had nipple piercings and when I looked on her match questions on okcupid before we met, she answered yes to the question of divide your age by 2, have you had sex with at least that many people.

    • I mean not to sound possessive and I don't slut shame, but I just got a bad vibe finding an empty condom wrapper in there especially when she asked to come into her room.

    • depends on how clean the rest of her room was, but you might not be the only guy she is seeing

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