I get really upset when the guys I’m into just want sex?

Is this normal?
1 6

Superb Opinion

  • I don't think it's that out of the ordinary, but perhaps there's some realities that you need to face.

    1. Virtually all men (who are single and hetero, and, yeah, even a few that are in relationships) who show any interest towards you are going to want sex with you. That's just how men work. Sex is always a priority for us - it's part of what makes us male.

    2. While the first point is true, and while it's true that MOST men who show interest in you only want sex from you (because guys, on average, want sex from roughly 20 times more women than they want relationships with), some men will almost certainly prioritize having a relationship with you. Of course they will still want sex to be part of that relationship, but the way you'll know the difference is that when they talk to you, they'll spend a lot of time talking about issues concerning the relationship. Guys who just want sex tend to steer all conversations towards sex - they don't want to waste a lot of time and energy on other topics when sex is their only goal. This is the best way to tell what a given man's intentions are towards you - it's not 100% perfect, but it's probably over 95% accurate, and that's far, FAR better than any other measure.

    3. If you, like most women, are only "into" the top 10% of guys (the tall, handsome, popular guys that lots of other girls also want), then you need to realize that those guys have TONS and TONS of options - women throw themselves at such men all the time, and many are perfectly happy to offer them casual sex and even more for a chance to be with them even for a short amount of time - so the vast majority of these men have no desire for relationships with ANYONE - and, generally, the few who DO decide to get into a relationship generally only do so with women who are widely considered to be a 10 out of 10 in SMV (social market value) - actresses and supermodels and otherwise ultra-beautiful or ultra-hot women.

    4. Those top 10% of guys are often happy to have sex with girls who are 7, 8, and 9s, and sometimes even a 5 or 6 if they're bored and the girl has no limits, this IN NO WAY means that they'd offer these women a relationship. Many women have this mistaken belief that if a hot guy will bang her, that means she's at his level - but men will bang girls at much lower levels of SMV than themselves and they do it all the time. What they don't do (or only very, very rarely do) is get into RELATIONSHIPS with women below their level.

    I don't know you and don't know anything about you. I have no idea if any of this applies to you or not - I just know I see these things happening all the time, and I see a lot of women who are shopping outside their price range and fail to get what they want over and over again, and then get angry and bitter about it, but they need to look inward for the problem.

    More average guys - guys who are 5, 6, 7, and 8s even (above and even well above average) - tend to be completely invisible to most women. Maybe they aren't tall enough, or they don't make enough money, or they don't have huge amounts of confidence with women, but are otherwise great guys and are guys who would be interested in real relationships. Women pass these men over, or Friend-Zone them every day, and chase after the top men who will NEVER take them seriously, and then wonder why they always get hurt. If this is something you might be doing, then perhaps this post will get you to re-think your approach, and might well result in real success for you.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Yep this is normal, been going on for ages and ages with men and women. Men don't have the same motivations and ways of connecting as women typically. Especially when younger, guys are just looking for some good times whatever that is. Sports, action, fun, excitement, that means driving fast, going on adventures, getting drunk or high, having sex and flirting with women, rocking out to music, just basically being big children on adrenaline rushes one after the other. Women are a little more mature a little sooner (though some are just like the guys), and they are interested in communication, developing bonds, intimacy, sharing meaningful experiences, etc.

    There is a place where these worlds meet and mash up and there's also a lot of drama where these two worlds collide and each is trying to get their needs met. So some guys start to make deeper connections, and some girls start to live a little wilder and looser.

    men want excitement
    men want excitement

    It's normal for you to be upset, feeling like just another plaything good time toy like a fast motorcycle or a weekend in Vegas to guys, someone they can have a fun sexual time with, and then move on to another adventure without having to have some deep conversation about where the relationship is going.

    The real question is, if you're upset about this, what is the solution? Why are you upset? What can you do to change your results?

    • @zeitgeist057. That was a great description of typical younger guys. It also gave insight into both guys and gals.

    • @Lliam Thanks :)

    • Well said hun.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I understand. And I’m sorry. Unfortunately thats why I no longer want romantic relationships with anyone. And I’m ok with that.


    I think over time the relationships damaged me so much internally that it turned my switch off and now I just don’t “feel” anymore.


    Or on the other end of the scale, the thought of being in a relationship or being with someone really turns me off, makes me feels sick.


    I truly hope you don’t get to that stage. Maybe it’s a matter of protecting your heart more, being better at being friends with guys more first. Not rushing into anything. Taking time out and working on yourself. Loving yourself. Working on what it is your truly want and are looking for. Where you are meeting these people etc.


    There are many ways to combat this and work past it. You don’t always need to be in this situation or feel this way xx

  • Yes it is normal. It can be really disheartening finding out someone you like and could potentially see a future with only wants sex. It doesn't mean they are a bad person (as long as they are upfront about what they are looking for and don't lead you on). If you want some advice, try to find out their intentions in the early stages of getting to know each other. Then it means you're not wasting each others time and won't be as invested into the person if it does turn out they are only looking for a casual relationship or friends with benefits situation. x

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • From what i've heard that is very common, and if you are looking for more its understandable to be upset that it is so hard to find someone looking for the same thing you are. I've even heard guys will lie and pretend to want more then lose interest or straight up ghost after sex. In that way women have it hard in dating.

  • Well if you like the guy on a more emotional level only to find out he’s not interested in you that way, but would happily use you for sex, then it’s understandable why you might feel upset about that.

  • You're attracting fuckboys. Look out for the red flags next time.

    • and the red flags are?

    • @eagle1951 I mean they depend on the person but it's usually not hard to figure them out from the way they're talking or approaching

  • I think that you're very normal! As much as I enjoy sex, I don't like it when I feel like that's the only thing on their mind. I like feeling valued as a person for my wit, intelligence, personality, politics, and the list goes on.

    • Have you been up front to guys about it?

    • @AlwaysBelieving No. I don't think that I should have to. If all a guy wants is sex, then I'm out!

  • I have to admit that, from my mid teens, through my late twenties, my interest in girls was primarily sex. Not just sex, though. I liked mutual infatuation in a committed relationship. It's not like I would only be with her when I wanted to fuck. I enjoyed hanging out, going places and doing things with my girlfriends, and having conversations. Boyfriend-girlfriend stuff. I was happy and proud to be with them.

    The only thing was, I had no plans to settle down for the rest of my life. I was finally in my mid-30s that I started thinking about finding a life partner and settling down.

    So I totally understand your frustration and anger at selfish guys who don't have respect and regard for you as person and only use you for their own sexual gratification.

    by the way, I followed you. DM me to discuss the other topic you asked about recently.

  • For some guys... yes.

    Simple solution... find yourself a guy who is into you... because you're you !!!

    It take work, but it's worth the effort !!!

  • Well... Everyone loves sex...
    But for just that you don't have to date someone...
    There are many factors that matter while dating...
    And if he is really thinking only about that then you should not be with him...
    Or else you can try to talk out of it...
    Because communication is the key...

  • What is it that leads to you feeling like you are really into a guy?

  • totally normal. Because you want to be loved. It's human nature to want to be loved.

  • Yeah, that’s called being used.

  • Yeah. Unforutnately.

  • Well dont just have sex with them
    Make them prove toyou just how bad they want you I agree with you be sure s guy that just wants sex is going to be a bad lover he's going to be selfish and he's only going to take two to three minutes I say fuck that I would let the person touch me
    And when a guy really likes you he's going to have Marathon sex with you he's going to make it all about you and he's going to make sure that you could have at least two to three times and it's going to be at least 45 minutes to an hour

  • Totally normally, I feel these days there’s like 10 guys who just want sex to every 1 guy who actually wants a relationship

    • Can’t they kinda want both.

  • Guys your age are horny all the time. But they should also give a relationship time before sex. Sure a quickie or a ONS are fun but if you want a longer relationship tell them they need to chill or just masturbate more till you are ready. Is this what you have seen with your boyfriends?

  • So don’t give it. Best way to find someone who is interested in hanging around a bit longer. Use it to your advantage. Just don’t use it as a tool. Be honest.

  • Then maybe choose guys that don't want just sex

  • It's normal for a girl to be less sexual than guys.

    https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AManIsAlwaysEager

  • Then DROP him and find someone who care's for you. He isn't going to change.

  • I'm not a girl but imagine it to be normal to be upset at that. You're correct and don't give up looking for the right guy.

  • don't ask me. I generally prefer to cook gourmet meals for women long before sex becomes an issue.

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