I hate having sex with my boyfriend?

I love everything about my boyfriend but I think he sucks at sex. Admittedly, I can't say I know what good/ ideal sex feels like, considering my boyfriend is my first and only, but I'm tired of trying to convince myself that I can be happy feeling little to nothing and/ or pain during sex in order to make him happy. I derive pleasure from pleasing others, but I'm guilty of enjoying a little pleasure given from others to me as well. And before you ask, I gave my virginity to him a year ago, so it has nothing to do with the pain of getting "broken in" or whatever. I've talked to him a little bit about this, but the topic always changes before I can really discuss what's on my mind. I honestly love him and the person he is and I have no desire to let him go, but I hate sex with him. I only do it because it's my obligation as a loving girlfriend to please him. Is there anything I can do to amend this?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • You should really sit down and talk to him about it. It's your right to receive pleasure as much as give it and I'm pretty sure he would be grateful if you gave him some pointers on how to please you because, if he really loves you which I'm sure he does, he would do everything in his power to keep you satisfied.

    If you're experiencing pain during sex that's not a result of your hymen stretching out, you should tell your gynecologist. I would just start by being more assertive in bed, take over once in a while, and also give him tips on how to make you feel good (guiding his hands, being vocal when he's doing something right, etc). Don't be shy, he is your boyfriend after all!

    • I actually am going to the gynecologist next Friday for the pain and hopefully to get an IUD. As for being vocal when he does something right... I make little moans throughout the whole thing so that he doesn't feel bad or get turned off. Should I stop doing those or just be louder when he does something right?

    • Definitely be louder! It lets him know you're into it and that he's doing something right, so he'll keep doing it more.

  • He's gotta please you too. It's a two way street.
    If you ignore the problem, you'll end up resenting him. And that's not good.
    Only 30% of women can achieve an orgasm through penetrative sex alone. He needs to eat you out or play with your clit.
    If that's not his thing, try a vibrating cock ring. They're amazing. Or just stick a vibe on your clit and hold it there during sex.
    Also, foreplay is your friend. Being turned on is crucial for a woman because your vagina actually elongates in an aroused state, which makes intercourse more comfortable and enjoyable. Plus all the blood down there heightens sensation.

  • You aren't doing him any favours by feeling obligated to do your loving girlfriend duties

Most Helpful Guys

  • " I've talked to him a little bit about this, but the topic always changes before I can really discuss what's on my mind. "

    Stop beating around the bush, eventually it's going to get to a point where you have had enough and break up without addressing any of the issues. Have a serious talk and if you've never had a serious talk... Start having them. Communication is important. If he's not going to cooperate, just move on to someone who will. And just to put this out, Ultimatums aren't that great to motivate change. Don't resort to those tactics.

  • TALK with him, and let him know what YOU need in order for the sex to be pleasurable.
    Is there enough foreplay to get you warmed up? Does he go down on you at all?
    Are there certain positions that are more pleasurable to you?
    Are there certain things that he does that are painful or uncomfortable for you?
    This is one of those things where you need to have an excellent line of communication between the two of you. He's gotta be willing to listen to you, and you've gotta be able to guide him and tell him what you need.

    • I was afraid to mention foreplay because every time I do, I just get responses from men saying foreplay sucks and that they hate it 😒 I have told him we need more "warm-up" time, but he feels that since we both live at home with our parents and we almost always have to do these things secretly that we don't have enough time for it.

    • Haha B. S.! First of all, foreplay is AWESOME. Can be equally as fun as intercourse. Secondly, in my late teens and early 20s I lived upstairs at my parents house and my girlfriend lived in a <1200 square foot one level house and her parents were home all the time, we never had a problem spending sometimes even HOURS going at it. Turn the TV or some music on, lock the door, and know the traffic patterns in the house (i. e. when people go to bed, if they spend the entire evening in front of the TV in the living room, etc.) Don't be afraid to TELL your boyfriend what to do, more noise is gonna come from the bedsprings or the mattress banging against the wall than him getting down between your legs and licking away for 15 minutes. Put your own sexual pleasure first for once, let him know it's what you NEED, and don't be afraid to demand that you get satisfied! You deserve it!

    • Neither of us have locks on our bedroom doors and his mother is a very strict Mexican woman 😅 But thank you for the help. I really need to have a discussion with him... When would be a good time for it though? Would shortly after or before sex be good or just a total killer?

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 9
  • Have you considered an open relationship? Where you allow him to take sexual partners aside from you? If that is something you are comfortable with that maybe it could help, and maybe you could get something out of it as well.

    I was once the girlfriend in someone's open marriage and the wife liked to watch sometimes. Not a threesome, she'd just watch and take care of herself.

    Love and sex are complicated... You just need to find something that works for both of you.

  • I suggest you read this. It's proven useful to others:

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10152-how-to-talk-to-your-so-about-sex

  • Get him to learn some sex education or break up with him.

  • you need to tell him, but in a nice way. if my girlfriend told me that, i would just try to do better.

  • You can't fix this if you just talk " a little" this has to be something where you both sit down, face to face, no distractions, and talk about it.
    You gotta be honest to him and tell him you're not enjoying sex. Tell him what you want and how you want it.
    If you don't talk about it it's gonna become a bigger problem to the point where you'll have to break up with him.

  • If my girlfriend felt that way I'd want her to tell me 100%. If she thinks she can help me improve at pleasing her in any way I'd definitely take the chance. If she herself doesn't know, then we can both research how we can get it done. Believe me your boyfriend WANTS to please you (if he loves you and you do make it sound like he does), you just gotta help him figure out how.

    • We did end up talking about it. He was really relieved because when I texted him, "We need to talk," he thought I was going to ask for a break. But no, I told him how I felt (to an extent. I didn't say nearly as much as I did here) and he agreed to spend more time on me after I get the pain thing figured out with my doctor. Until then, we decided we'd just do hand and mouth stuff.

    • Lol, poor guy was probably wondering what he did wrong. Its good to know you're talking about it. Good luck!

  • Maybe your the one who sucks at sex. You csnt just lay there like a bag of potatoes and expect fireworks. Maybe your guy is bored and unexcited by you. To be honest its sounds like you know nothing of what it takes to have good sex.

    • He tells me I have given him the best sex he has ever known. I'm very active and creative in bed, plus most of the time it's me doing things to him. Don't pretend to know what I do and don't do in bed.

    • At no point have you stated that you have talked to him about what you would like and for the record all girls are "creative" in bed but that doesn't mean they are any good. Good sex takes both parties and if your not going to express what you like and teach him about your body then how is he going to know.

    • Obviously he thinks it's great. But I get the point you're trying to get across. Just don't suppose me to be a dead fish >_< How would I be able to get across how I feel and what I would like without hurting his feelings?

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  • Maybe you are the problem?

  • Try having it with someone else to see if it's any different

    • I can't do that to him.

    • Ok I just thought then you could tell it was him or you

  • You know what you should do?

    Come on GaG and actually speak clearly on what's wrong in your sex life instead of telling your boyfriend directly that you both need to work better for a better experience.
    Yeah that seems productive.

    • So I'm a fuck-tard. Sue me.

    • Why are you still here? Go talk to your boyfriend, I want you kids to last. Don't waste time on me.

    • I just dropped him off at his house and it's past midnight lol.

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